Am I biased or is there an inbalance?
I’m looking for honest advice here because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unfair or if this frustration is understandable.
My wife and I recently had a discussion about money and our kids. Things are tight right now because of unexpected house expenses like plumbing repairs and other stuff we couldn’t really avoid.
Part of the conversation was about my kids borrowing money. My 17 year old son doesn’t currently have a job, but he is actively looking and plans to get one this summer. In the meantime he does odd jobs like dog sitting and mowing lawns for money. His mom bought him a gas guzzler, so even putting gas in the thing is expensive as hell. Sometimes he asks me for gas money or small amounts here and there.
My 18 year old daughter is graduating and is also looking for work. I help her out occasionally too, like sending her $20 here and there for food or whatever comes up. They’re both definitely being too picky about jobs in my opinion, and I agree they need to get moving and become more independent.
My wife was stressed because she sees me helping my kids financially while we’re already under pressure financially ourselves. I listened to her and honestly agreed with a lot of it.
Where things got tense was when I pointed out what feels like a double standard to me.
Her 20 year old son lives with us rent free. He doesn’t work and isn’t seriously looking for work. He sleeps until noon most days and only applies for jobs he’s wildly unqualified for. He doesn’t contribute to bills, groceries, chores, or really anything around the house. He uses his grandma’s car constantly to drive 45 minutes to see friends, and while he replaces the gas he uses, he never actually fills the tank or contributes beyond the bare minimum.
To be fair, my wife doesn’t hand him cash the way I occasionally help my kids. His grandparents basically do that whenever he asks. But from my perspective, even if he’s not directly asking us for money, he’s still costing the household plenty by living here and contributing nothing.
I guess I’m wondering if I’m wrong for feeling frustrated by the imbalance here. Am I comparing two different situations unfairly, or is this actually a legitimate thing to be bothered by?