u/Critical-Alps1465

What’s your opinion with getting high? Have you guys been fine?

I feel a bit weird posting this but it’s a small but big step for me and yeah I just needed to get it out.

Dealing with my illness hasn’t been easy and it won’t ever be easy, things like these just aren’t and… I’m okay with that.

I think along the way I lost who I was fighting and really just started attacking myself. Attacking the way I dealt with my illness, how I acted around it how I let others treat it and me. I was more bullying myself, rather than working towards trying to fight it.

Well… somewhat safe to say I’m done fighting. As in, I’m ready to finally start thinking positively. I’m a negative and pessimistic person by nature so this will most likely be hard, but I’m no stranger to a challenge, but I’m finally ready to try.

I’ve come to the realisation as I was staring at my ceiling and thinking about life that being, and actively trying to be happy is very exhausting. But it’s a different kind. A kind that motivates me to keep trying.

It’s small things that I’m changing that are making the difference. Small in the moment, but a giant victory. I’m making the effort to do the things I love, things I left behind because it got difficult.

I think I’m actually ready to not let this consume me. I’m scared, and I’m unsure. But I’m determined to get my life back.

lol I feel like non of this makes sense, this was such a ramble I’m so sorry but it was a revelation that came way past my bedtime and yeah 😅

Okay so ik this is very just out there and if it crosses guidelines take this down or report it. And ik I probably sound crazy but I genuinely can not relax and stop panicking unless I get this off my chest. I’m not sure if this is something normal for people with epilepsy.

So I’m like new epilepsy diagnosis yay me. And I had my last seizure in February, and I’m on medication, Keppra. But since then I get painful stabbing headaches in the right side of my head near my temples near everyday ranging from 5-8, sometimes it’s both temples, and when it’s both is extreme pressure behind my eyes that feel like my eye is squeezing out.

I’ve also had a rapid decline in my motor skills, buttoning and toying my shoes is hard, braiding is hard, this all used to be super easy btw I was good with my hands, but now they are shaky and unsteady I can’t catch anything I drop stuff, I can’t type very well, holding cutlery take sme around 5 times before I get it right.

And I’ve also started dragging my foot when I walk. I don’t know if this is on purpose like subconsciously but whenever I try to fix it my foot and leg just feel heavy like dead weight. I’m quite unsteady on feet all the time I trip and stumble a lot.

Also my processing speed as gone down so much, I used to be a straight A student but now just you could tell me something 6 times and all I’ll get is just noise. Like I know your speaking and I can hear your noise but for the life of me I can’t understand a thing you’re saying. Reading is now hard to sometimes I have to reread a lot because it’s just text their is no meaning behind them I can’t find it yk.

Also I have problems with my vision, I have 20/20 vision but it can’t stay focused it just slips out of focus unless I force it to be focused it just slips out and blinking doesn’t reset it I have to like force it back like blurry is my default setting basically

Idk if I’m just thinking to much into this or being to self conscious but my friend joke about how they would be mad if I had a seizure during outings because it would ruin the fun of it and I can’t tell if they are joking or not or hiding their true feelings behind a joke but it’s a thought that really bugs me.

My friends have had to cut out alot of things to include me in hangouts now wich I mean I love but comments like that has got me thinking about whether I’m sucking all the fun out of everyone else’s time just so they can accommodate me.

Or even them being worried about me ruining everyone’s time and fun with a seizure. I don’t want people to feel like that but then again I just don’t know how.

I’m like talking in circles sorry but does anyone else get this feeling around friends?