u/Critical-Lettuce4523

I once heard someone say that when you truly love someone, your greatest fear becomes hurting them.

I saw you listening to a song about freedom, about finally freeing yourself from women like me. Then I saw you change your photo to one where you were smiling. You looked good. Lighter somehow. Your skin was glowing. Handsome as always.

Maybe I shouldn’t have looked, but it was all right there in front of me. I don’t know if you wanted me to see it, or if your happiness was simply spilling through the airwaves, too alive to hide.

It makes me happy to see you happy.

I’m glad you feel free from me. I think some part of me always knew that one day you might. As much as it hurts to watch you move forward without me, I’m relieved knowing I’m no longer hurting you.

I just wish it didn’t hurt quite so much.

I miss you, handsome.
I miss your smile.
How your warm stomach used to feel on my lips.
I miss your jokes, even when you teased me.
I miss how our tongues used to play together during a kiss.

I miss the way you cook, and how you taught me how to say “Qué rico”.
I miss the clothes that you wear that are so “you”.
I miss your words, your poetry, and the way you moved through life like you were dancing
I miss how you used to touch me, as if you were born knowing how. Like you’d done it in every lifetime.

I miss your sense of adventure,
The way you could make friends with anyone,
Your facial expressions that made me fall in love.

I guess I shouldn’t tell you how much,
But I miss it all.
I really miss you.

I know you’re angry
And I’m sorry
I’m not trying to hurt you
And I haven’t forgotten you, nor am I trying to.
I’m just dealing with something right now…
And I’m just asking for your patience.
It isn’t that I don’t love you,
It isn’t that I’m trying to lose you.
It isn’t that I’m moving on with someone new.
I know how your mind works.
I’m just on a crazy road that I’m trying to get off of.
I promise I’ll call, and it won’t be long now before I do.
If you don’t have it in you to wait, I don’t blame you.
But don’t think for a minute that all of this is because our time together didn’t mean anything or that my heart was never in it.
Of course I love you, very much.
I know I’m the worst but,
I’ll be back soon.

In case you’re out there looking for a message from me, a sign, or something:

I wanted you to know that I miss you so much. I hope you are okay. I worry about you all the time. And yes, I think about you every day. I’m not over you at all and I’m not trying to be.

Be well today, my handsome boy. I love you forever.