Debating leaving long term boyfriend
Me F23 and my boyfriend M23 have been together for 4 years now, since we were 19. Recently I’ve been struggling a lot with figuring out if I want to end things or am just experiencing boredom. This is my first long term relationship so a lot of things are new to me. I would love some advice, am I just new to relationships and am nitpicking?
For one, my bf has definitely not been the greatest in the past, he secretly sexted his ex behind my back 3 years ago while I was away on vacation for a few weeks, which I didn’t know about until a year or so ago when I went through his phone for the first time. I haven’t found any more evidence of cheating, but have found him using a certain porn site a couple times, even after asking him not to use that specific site (I don’t really care about porn but that was a site I specifically didn’t like as it’s live). I haven’t snooped through his stuff for a while now but he claims he doesn’t use it.
It has been years of little to no dates or flowers besides maybe Valentine’s Day or my birthday, but he does other things for me like fix my car, say yes to pretty much anything I want, and gives me a lot of affection. He is very sweet to me 90% of the time.
Money has always been an issue and I’ve felt like I’ve contributed a lot of $ more so than him, but I also don’t pay rent since I’m at my parents right now and he pays when he can which isn’t super frequent. but as of late he’s been putting a lot of effort into getting his shit together and is working towards a real goal, so now I feel like an asshole if I leave and every time I try to, it’s never a good time. He hasn’t done anything wrong in a while, he has been working hard and giving me lots of love. Am I being shallow for expecting more when I myself don’t have all my shit together? I would like to think I’m a good partner but I do struggle with communication and most definitely lack in other parts of the relationship. But I do try to cook, clean and go along with what he wants to do.
So, maybe I’m rehashing old stuff for the sake of leaving because I’m bored, or maybe being upset by old mistakes he’s since corrected is calling it quits or the easy way out. It just doesn’t seem fair to leave him now when he still needs my support. I think it’s upsetting to walk away from something you helped build up when there might be some real growth.
Or alternatively, I might sound like an idiot and need to walk away and cut my losses! Thanks for reading my whining!! 🐤🐤 chirp chirp
TLDR; I might be bored in my 4 yr relationship and am bringing stuff up from the past as an excuse to leave