u/Crxstallwashere

Hi, I (15F) need help looking for gender therapy as a possible FTM. I am closeted due to my parents religion and expectations, but I really admire masculine features, like flat chests, tall bodies, and handsome faces. I also don't know if i'm dysphoric, because I feel weird for having breasts and a vagina, but transitioning feels wrong and unnatural. I've been thinking of changing my name, but I don't think my name fits me well. I also admire wearing men's dress shoes, with a suit or something in the business casual aesthetic. Maybe i'm aesthetizing myself, but seeing pretty guys (east asian men usually catch my eyes), makes me feel like I want to look like them with their clothes, makeup, skincare, and haircare. Maybe I'm fetishizing though, because east asians are admired a lot, and I'm really different to east asian idols, and sometimes being a medium toned girl makes me insecure that i'm not "fair". I have frizzy, wavy/curly, thick hair, and I am part Indian, mostly Bangladeshi. (My parents are from Bangladesh and are muslims). Having a vagina makes me uncomfortable because I can get pregnant and I get periods, which make me want to rip my ovaries out for how uncomfortable they are. I wear a C cup, and I feel like my breasts are too big for my liking, but it also might be because I'm also obese. I cut my hair right before 2026 started, and I actually feel a bit better, but my face looks too feminine, which makes me feel insecure. I used to be insecure about my mustache because kids would say that I should shave it, but honestly, I feel cute with it, even though I shaved it off twice. I'm 5'1, so i'm not tall at all, but I admire wearing platforms that are comfortable for long days because I'm still in school and have a job. Maybe this is body dysmorphia.

Thanks for anyone reading this

Idk if this fits here