u/Crying-Softly

I’m posting here because my friends have all conclusively stated that this was sexual assault, but I’m on the fence as I don’t want to cry “victim” if I wasn’t one (in this situation).

I (26f) was dating a guy (28m) for a few months (nearly 4). I had recently gotten my IUD taken out and because of this, sex became a more proactively vigilant activity. We tried condoms and both hated it. He said he would pull out from now on and did on a few separate occasions. We had talked one night about my fears with getting pregnant again, I cried about it and we discussed “what ifs” and the following day we had sex again but this time he didn’t pull out. He instead went deeper and stayed there. I questioned him in a panicked “what the fuck” fashion and he said it wasn’t a big deal. I said we agreed he’d only be pulling out and that he was an asshole for not doing so. I said I felt gross. The next day I told him I regretted the sex and how he didn’t pull out, I told him I was fearing for repercussions and he proceeded to break up with me that night stating I was being dramatic about it. He demanded over the next 5 days that I take a pregnancy test so I could get over it, I told him that isn’t how it works. I know how reproductive organs work, I’m not asking the likelihood of pregnancy or anything around that.

I have been SA’d in the past and when it happened, I knew what it was. With this, I don’t know. I’m not asking if this is SA “according to law”, but just as a fact for my own peace of mind that I can heal from in therapy. For the record, my therapist does think it is assault. She thinks (paraphrasing) he was using it as a manipulation tactic to have control over me, knowingly send me into panic attacks, and use it to pin me as a deranged attention seeking ex-girlfriend.

I’m asking because I don’t know if what I feel is valid. I had sex knowing there wasn’t protection being used. I was under belief he’d pull out. He didn’t and I feel gross, like I’ve been used and abused.
In y’all’s opinion… Was I?