Young mum struggling
I was 19 when i got pregnant with my first. She immediately became my priority over everyone and everything. We got married and 3 more kids and were divorced when my oldest was 7. Now she is 21. Moved out at 18. I still hsve 3 at home, one is almost 18 and i am not coping! My oldest moved when we were between rentals and i was really struggling with of her siblings. It absolutely gutted me because she did it to not be a burden and have her independence. Time went so fast i never got to get my shit together to give her the childhood i wanted. We hsve always just survived. Not lived.
Recently she lost her friend to tragic circumstances and all i want to do is help my baby who is hurting so much. I want her to come home but reality is theres no space no personal space or privacy. I hsve been on the couch for 3 years so literally hsve nothing to offer. I dont have money to help with their living situation or therapy. I cant do anything! I am so helpless.
I attended the funeral with her today. All i wanted to do all i could do was hug my baby but she flinched and pulled away from me. I attempted again later and she yelled at me said she doesnt want to be touched.
She asked me to be there then made me feel so unneeded unwanted and unwelcome.
I spent the whole time stepping back watching her friends comfort her nobody else got the reaction i did.
I decided to leave. I sat in the car and cried so much.
This is the little girl who would come into my bed at night for safety and security and cry for her mummy now she has grown up she has friends and doesnt want or need me.
I am so guttered. I have cried non stop all afernoon and night. Thiking kid #2 is 17 and finishes school in 6 months he will probably move on soon too.
My whole adult life and identity has been a mother to my 4 babies. Solo for 15years and before i knlw it they will have their own lifes partners families friends and who do i have?
I still hsve 3 at home and I am already feeling so lonely and so unloved. Im so depressed. Wtf am i going to do/have/be in 5ish years when they are all gone and no longer care i exist? :'(