r/emptynesters

I’m 64 - two sons (30) and (26). I’m single - divorced their dad in 2004 and never remarried. Had a long term relationship for 8 years but have been single since I was 50.
Anyways - worry.
My sons are healthy, have good jobs, live independently and I see them often. We are a close family and there are no dramas - just lots of love.
But I always have this horrible nagging worry that something will happen to them and I can’t protect them.
Last year my eldest was assaulted and badly injured in Europe. He spent a week in hospital and has damaged eyesight as a result. It was like my fears were realised .
I’ve always been a worrier even as a little kid.
I take anti depressants and have a good doctor who knows my history.
Anyway just reaching out to see if I’m crazy or does anyone else worry about their adult kids ?

I knew the house would be quieter. I wasn’t prepared for how strange it would feel figuring out what my life looks like in this chapter. For anyone who’s been through it, what surprised you most about becoming an empty nester…good or bad?

I recently left for college, and my mom is having a really hard time with the transition. She seems lonely and upset, and I feel guilty knowing she’s struggling.

I want to support her, but she also doesn't respect my boundaries. She’s still very involved in my day-to-day life, and when I ask for more space, it seems to hurt her feelings. It’s making things very tense between us.

If you’ve been through this, what part of the transition was hardest for you? And what did you try that actually helped, or that you thought would help but didn’t? I feel like she doesn't have the support she needs. How did you find it?

I’d really appreciate hearing your advice and experiences. I want to help her, but I don’t really know what to do.

Hi Empty Nesters. I am not an empty nester yet but soon will be since my 17F daughter is now a senior. I had never felt such unconditional love from someone as a did with her when she was younger, and she used to want to spend all her time with me and tell me all her thoughts. She was the joy of my life. She stopped wanting to spend time with me or talk to me around 2 years ago. I don’t remember her exact words but one day she said something to me along the lines of, I used to think you were this special entity “Mom” but now I realized you’re just a person. Now she gets annoyed if I try to talk with her, gives me attitude and one-word answers, stays behind her closed room door all day when she’s home, etc. When she went away this summer she wouldn’t even give me a hug goodbye at the airport. I know people say this is developmentally normal and that they will come around when they’re about 25, but that is a long time to wait! When she goes away to college I am worried that I won’t ever voluntarily hear from her and that we won’t have a close relationship. Her coldness and rejection towards me kills me inside every day. For anyone with a similar situation, how did it go when your child went off to college? If she wants nothing to do with me now, I am imagining it will be the same during college.

I just want to say thank you to all of you. ❤️ It has been so helpful—and honestly so reassuring—to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with being an empty nester.

For a while, I thought I was being silly or overly emotional. I don’t remember seeing my mom go through this when her children grew up and left home. But the more I think about it, I realize that she did. She just didn’t talk about it. She carried those feelings quietly and suffered in silence.

I’m so grateful that I don’t have to do that. Being able to talk about it with people who truly understand has helped me more than you know.
Thank you for listening, for sharing your own experiences, for reminding me that what I’m feeling is normal, and most of all, for helping keep me sane through this new chapter of life. ❤️

I got divorced three years ago. It was my decision. I didn’t end up with a lot of money and their dad is pretty well off. Their father provides them with the path of least resistance. He has bought them cars to live with him, pays daughter’s car insurance, both kids cell phone bills, gaming computers, ebikes, clothes galore. He doesn’t bug them about grades or curfews. He often spends the nights sleeping over and partying up his new single life in the city letting them stay alone in his house overnight. Staying up doing whatever they want. They are now 15(son) and 19(daughter). They get a lot of freedom living with him and I make them “earn” money so they have chosen to live with him full time. They also said it’s just easier to not go back and forth and he encourages them too, because otherwise he owes $350/mo in child support.

I realize they are old enough to choose. I’m just sad. I feel so completely depressed. I know they love me. But they are 10 minutes away and even though my daughter and I are still close and see each other once or twice a week and hangout, I’ve only spent a total of 3 hours with my son in the past four months.

Most people don’t have to go through this until their kids are graduated but I feel like I’m literally going to miss my sons teenage years completely unless I move home near family out of state so he will come to see me for summers.

I just feel completely pointless, worthless, unimportant. I thought it would go away if I just focused on work, run my business, go to the gym, see my friends every week and stay distracted but I break down every week at least once sobbing. Just a childless mom whose children don’t need her anymore. I’m only 41. The thought of having to go through 40-50 more years of purposelessness makes me want to curl up and go to sleep and not get up again. At least If I were a ghost I’d be able
to see them live their lives.

My ex husband didn’t treat me very well for 20 years and I finally had the courage to leave. I did a lot of healing and finally like myself again as a person but I wish I had just kept my mouth shut and stayed until they were 18. This is not how I imagined it would go. I would go back & choose being disrespected and used by him for five extra years if I knew leaving meant I’d be an empty nester when my son is only a high school sophomore. 50/50 was hard enough the first two years. Now it’s 100/0 and I’m the 0.

I know it will get better but I’m very down. I try to stay grateful that they aren’t upset with me. The joy then sadness I feel when I get a call or text often sends me into tears because I miss them so much.

Feeling like a mid-life extreme measure is in order. Like I’m a rocket ship about to blast off but I don’t know what I need. I don’t have much but I’m healthy and desperate to feel better.

Anyone have any ideas for me? What would you do?

Hi, does anybody worry their adult son or daughter or themselves will never independent? I hear some 25 , 30 and 40 still live at home. What you think?