r/emptynesters

my daughter is graduating from HS on Thursday and all the emotions are driving me crazy. No party because we have literally no family (neith, me nor my husband have siblings, his parents passed and mine are in Germany - and they don't understand the American graduations anyways). We really not close with anyone who lives around here - that's fine we can deal and she is kind of used to it anyways. Ex military family so we never really got to lay down deep roots. We will take her to a nice dinner and that will be just fine. What really hurt my heart for her though was that she started making a wish list for her dorm mainly and looked at me earlier, started laughing and said I actually don't know why I'm even making this - I have no one to send it to. I know she laughed about it but I could tell it bothered her a little given that all her friends are telling her about everything the are getting in the mail already. And then she cried. Real tears. This child hardly ever cries and it's not something I'm used to. She will get what she needs but I think to her, half the fun of this is just getting surprise “gifts" and just feeling "loved" because someone thought of her. Everything is so emotional right now with all these big chnages and her feeling "excluded"

It's such a "first world" problem and I am not a "gentle parent" but that shouldn't mean I can't be a little sad for our situation. Never mind the fact that she is leaving in August. Thanks for coming to my whining and thank you for any advice

My only child is graduating from high school, I raised her on my own. I am so full of grief, I can't even believe it. Also feel joy and excitement for her, of course. I cry all of the time, trying to hide it from her. This is excruciating - spending so much time, energy, love, passion etc on this person who grows up and leaves. I'm also tired of hearing "you're still her parent" "she still needs you, in a different way." Duh. I know. I just want people to let me feel sad!

Edit- Thank you for all your thoughtful responses. I feel seen!

49F, got divorced 2 years ago and have full custody of my daughter (17) and son (15). Moved out of the home they grew up in after the divorce to a tiny house that we enjoyed being in, just the three of us.

One year ago, my daughter went to study abroad and loved it so much she ultimately decided to transfer to the high school in that country, with my blessing of course. She is now living with a homestay family. My son, who plays volleyball competitively, was accepted to and offered a scholarship to attend a nationally ranked high school to play for their volleyball team and now lives in the dorms on campus that is a 3 hour flight away.

I was initially giddy about the prospect of getting to start a new chapter of my life. Decided to move away from the city and got a condo where I can see the ocean. Over the last 10 years, I have lost both parents, overcame breast cancer, and watched my marriage implode after my ex-husband’s infidelity. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I could breathe again.

But it has now been 3 weeks since I moved and I am struggling to finish unpacking, dreading getting up in the morning, sitting for hours at the table drinking the same cup of coffee and just staring at the ocean. I can’t motivate myself. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to do anything.
Out of boredom, I decided to play the piano that I used to play and brought with me in the move, and that was the trigger that opened the dam to my tears. I sobbed for a good hour. I miss my kids, but more than that, I miss being needed and having a purpose.

All cards on the table, the place that I moved to is actually the place that I grew up. I have friends here. And I have been dating a wonderful man for the last year. But even with this support system, I don’t want to share my feelings with them. I feel like this is for me to feel and for me to get through. So I am stuck. Can’t move backward, don’t want to move forward. Just stuck by myself with my own feelings.
And maybe that is okay. Maybe I need to feel the sadness and loneliness before I am ready to move on. But for now, I am stuck. Reading the other posts here has helped me, so I just wanted to post this so that maybe someone else can relate and not feel like they are alone.
As my father always told me, “just breathe”.

I’m 54 years old and I’m a failure. Since my kids left the nest I have been going down a spiral of self loathing and pity. I left a marriage, where I had stuck it out for the kids. I left a job, that was going nowhere but was stable. Now, I’m living with my parent, because I was laid off from the job I left the stable job for. I can’t find any happiness in life, there doesn’t seem to be anyone out there for me. I found a new job but I’m not sure if it’s going to fill that vacancy in my life that I’m looking for. Lastly, I don’t see any genuine happiness ever coming my way.

Today, my parents basically said it’s time for me to move on. I need to get my crap together and move out. I knew that’s what I needed to do anyway. But I’m nervous because of the cost of life out there, I’m nervous I’ll get fired again with no savings. I’m nervous to be on my own and alone. I left everything that I physically own, except for my car, behind when I moved here. I still haven’t decided that here is where I want to be!

I have no confidant, no friends here and I really didn’t have much back there either.

Sometimes I think I just need a time machine.

Sometimes I think, just suck it up and maybe tomorrow will be better.

It's a year now. No hope in sight. I have moved with her clothing exactly as she left them.

These were the ones on the bed, these were in the laundry, these were favorites, seasonal etc.

Then were ones she saved for "someday", or were gifts, or handed down from friends, or souvenirs of her grandmothers.

She has none.
What keeps her cozy comfy at night if her favorite comfy hoodie is in my arms right now? What about her go-to after work pajamas?

I carefully placed each category in a different bin.
Most all smell like her. Each band tee or something obtained on a trip was a fantastic memory.
Then there were the ones I grew out of that she wanted, that made me smile. Or the ones I bought. Or the jackets and jeans adorned with pins and patches we had so much fun picking out and affixing.

Our child's wardrobe is a fascinating collection.
They make books about coffee tables right? there should be a book about this.
Can anyone relate?
It was a day of crying and memories. I made an emergency backpack of socks, underwear, essentials in case I could bring them to her.

The baby stuff is in storage but this is the past 10 years. Some I know she no longer wanted and will donate.
I miss her so much, this clothing tells stories of how much she was loved and of the many things she loved. Lots of fairies and unicorns and cats. It's like a fairytale we lived that ended.

Do they remember? I did, I love whatever my mother saved for me, held in my childhood room or her closet for so long until I had my own home to house them.
How does she survive without things she loved so much? She was just wearing a year ago the last time she got changed in her then room.

Jewelry is next, but it's mostly packed and havnt found it all yet. She used to have them hanging on this beautiful jewelry wall hanging.

Thank you for reading and listening ❤️

*instead not isn’t 🤦🏻‍♀️ sorry

We are now empty nesters so why put dishes away? Why not keep dishes in the dishwasher??? We know they’ll be cleaned nightly and no one is pissed off about no one putting them away!

Full body heaves right now as I feel like I’ve been split in 2.

Everyone tells you to soak in every moment and that you’ll wish for these days back. You halfway believe them and simultaneously smirk thinking, “yea, okay.” Today it actually hit me, I WILL wish for these days back — the constant chaos, little feet running, giggles past bedtime, answering 1 million questions, maybe even the complaining and not listening.

My (31 F) daughter (5) is on a 3-week international trip with my husband/her dad (34) and I’m home with baby sister (11 mo). I’m absolutely elated for them to have this experience together and we fully agreed this was the best arrangement since sis is so little and the travel is so extensive. I am also enjoying some extra time with baby sister. BUT, I’ve never been away from my big girl for this long and there are so many milestones happening right now — pre-k graduation, baby sis turning 1 — I’m just a mess of emotions. So often, we’re running around like crazies trying to get through the day (we both work full time and the girls go to daycare/preschool). It’s a pretty regular feeling to just be ready for bed/quiet/a break. Now I’m full of regret for every single time I’ve ever felt that. I can’t believe I’d ever wish a single moment away. My heart physically hurts being away from my big girl and this feels like a foreshadowing of life as an empty nester. I wish I could stop time and just be mama with my little girls. 💔

My parents have seemed to lose all motivation and lust for life since I moved out. Me and my brother both don’t live at home anymore. I’m at college and he is in grad school. Whenever I’m home on breaks the house is dirty cluttered and my parents just sit and watch tv. I do all the cleaning when I’m home because I know that they are tired after work. But I don’t live there. They kinda act like the wife in Fahrenheit 451 and just go to work come home and watch tv, then repeat. How do I help?