u/ThisSelection7585

Our one and only is moving out this week…he’s a couple months shy of 18 but there are kids that age going off to college so that’s not the issue so much. what is? we weren’t ready for a move out. he works where he’s away a lot so we got a taste of empty nest. but once that bed goes out the door it feels so final. I think it’s a waste of money and efforts but he is set on renting this room from his coworker. what hurts is he only wants his bed, clothes, and gear (fishing & tools) for work. he said donate the rest. he wants us to sell off his benchpress and other items. it’s like erasing traces of him. maybe it’s a defense reaction but I am feeling now like our house is a museum as little has changed, we have a lot of items inherited from the in-laws, years of photos and my sons artwork adorn the walls. I treasure those but almost feel I want to take them down and pack them away for another time. I have hobbies and I have cancer (it doesn’t show or affect my activities) so I will have things to keep me busy whether I like it or not. But I just wonder if refreshing the house , making it less of a shrine , is helpful or denial. Thoughts?

PET scan today to assess Hernexeos…minimal change in the lung but suddenly I have liver activity!!! so now it’s a biopsy of the liver , because a recent US showed nothing! they’re suspecting a different cancer. I don’t know what to make of this. we are stopping Hernexeos and going with Enhertu til we can get the biopsy results. any insight?

just sharing that my liver enzymes elevated on target therapy (Hernexeos) Repeat AST/ALT showed increase so my dose was cut in half. two weeks later the enzymes are coming down. we hope a half dose will be effective but we had to take the liver into account. ultrasound was unremarkable and I have no hepatic symptoms. just fyi for anyone in target therapy.

this is partly teenager, partly grandma! my 17 yr old son goes out a lot when he’s not at work. when he’s at work he’s away for a couple weeks at a time as his work is on a boat. his grandmother, my mom, calls and will ask if he’s home or what he’s up to. she should know he’s not sitting at home wasting away. she raised me & my brother to stay home all summer. I don’t do that. I mentioned my son was out with a friend. of course that lead to all the questions especially since the friend drives and I would love ideas for a reply to her question “do you trust the friend?” My gut reaction was to say “no, but I let him go anyway” or “would I knowingly send him with someone I don’t trust?” there has to be a way to reply yes and end the undermining. I cannot just address with her how she comes across…done it before and she gets nasty defensive. I know my son will pick up on how I interact with my mom, for better or worse.

What options exist for those of us with cancer regarding issues like disability and jury duty? I applied for disability 10 months after my diagnosis because I realized I had missed a lot of training in the new system and I can’t lift 30 pound boxes like before with my lobectomy scars. I worked as a 1099 contracted worker in a pharmacy. I don’t think I can get disability because a 1099 doesn’t have funds deducted like for taxes.,you pay at the end yeah but I don’t think its eligible for DI. also, what happens with jury duty summons? I’m sure most of us can’t do service , either due to schedules or appointments or immunosuppression, brain fog or fatigue or other SE. I’m dreading getting a summon because I know a medical excuse will take take. anyone experienced with this, or the disability and 1099 status?

anyone on Hernexeos with news or side effects? I’ve been on it a month, main side effects being loose stools (not diarrhea) rumbly cramps in the gut off and in, twice developed a cold (never had that on regular chemo) and food tastes funny….but I’ll deal with it because we seemed to have gotten a peek that it’s working….🙏❤️Would like to hear any other side effects/news

I shared our issue with the neighbor who parks in the easement that is our property and they were calling it their easement til I showed them the paperwork I have regarding non exclusive use…someone here gave me a good idea that as she says she contacted a lawyer i shouldnt talk to or reply to her but say any communication should be thru attorneys. 👍🏼 Well now she’s harassing my husband with her nasty little biting dog. She has zero control over the dog, it breaks away and runs barking with its leash dragging, it runs around one neighbor’s yard and they’re Muslim (Muslims are not fond of dogs) it’s run into our yard and barked menacingly at us in our own yard…and it bit our family friend in the cul de sac of the street. The other day she seemed to let go the leash and it ran at my husband barking like mad like it wanted to bite. He yelled at it and said some harsh things and the little beast ran back to the witch. She of course blamed my husband for flipping out over her dog. The dog a known biter. What are we really to do? Let him bite ? or yell and scare it? I have cancer and I cannot afford to get a dog bite so I’m now carrying a walking stick. I hate to think we’d have to hurt the little beast but the neighbor knows her barking dog at our feet is an irritant to us. she stands there calling its name as we tell her “get your dog” !

hi, has anyone noticed that sweat or frequent skin contact has damaged /affected things like bedsheets? I can only explain it as chemo sweat must have damaged my sheets. first a discoloration , then thin then flat ripped like tissue. mind you after washings I turned the sheets when I put them back on the mattress (thankfully I have a mattress pad) so it’s not like it was always one spot, it was both (I use a king bed) I’ve never had this happen.

hi all….sharing that my biopsy in my subclavian lymph node could not be completed today…,because they could not locate the enlarged lymph that had been in the 5/4 PET scan. the radiologist was involved and consulted my onco team and it was determined I must have super responded (2 weeks) to the new therapy of Hernexeos! they said there wasn’t anything sizable for biopsy! I’ll take it! I sure didn’t expect this but I love it and thank the lord🙏

Our current bad neighbor just finally put in their own driveway. before then, they were parking in the easement between our homes, as there was a document granting them that right. they have abused it in that they’d park 2-3 cars, she would not close the gate because it was “inconvenient”, we’ve been here 14 years she’s only been here 7. so now they have their own driveway they still use the easement. mind you it’s a non exclusive use easement which means we can use it to. we did and not more than 24 hours later they were at the door yelling about moving our vehicle out of their easement. ‘Their’ easement??? I couldn’t talk rationally to anyone as them 2 and my husband all got in a shouting match. we somewhat agreed we each park one car. next day the woman comes over and says we can’t just leave our vehicle in ‘their’ easement. She said she contacted an easement attorney and the city is involved. the city has the same paperwork as I. I told her maybe that’s good we get attorneys involved because then we can address whether it’s legal for them to keep their trash/recycles bins on our property! I told her it’s very confrontational to come over and tell me how to use my property and call it their easement. I explained the non exclusive use in the document. she asked did I have proof of that. I kept the deed papers with easement clause handy, showed her, her ugly face dropped. she said she didn’t have that in her deed paperwork and why. I said take it up with your seller i can’t answer for them. I’ve yet to hear from the city or an attorney.

this evening I tried to advise my husband to not unbuckle his belt and undo his button/zipper and readjust his front in public, it looks bad and I knew someone who got in trouble at my old work 20!yrs ago adjusting himself and got accused of inappropriateness. My husband replied with “no, quit bitching at me” I prefaced it with this day and age of lawsuits and that’s how he replied. I said fine get sued and try to explain it, most men don’t do that in public. I really hate when he refers to bitching, just trying to avoid an embarrassing and possibly legal event depending who sees it. thoughts?

hi all. it’s tough writing this but my every-3-months scans showed activity on the last one (PETscan) I’ve had chemo, surgery and maintenance since Oct 2025. I felt great, labs were good. The active spots are a lymph node and a tiny nodule. we decided to stop infusions and start Hernexeos. anyone have any experience with this? I just took first dose today….just wondering when side effects started for you and anything else you can share: tips, wisdom, warnings, etc. TIA

Our son (17) is finishing his final HS classes online because he’s found his ideal job. Hes a deckhand on a charter and loves it. He gets good pay and is learning a lot. He goes on most all the multi day trips (2-3 day) Today we wanted to text him during the time the boat is coming in to let him know some banking info he wanted arrived in the mail. We’d either drive it to him or mail it. We saw he was not on the boat when it went back out. he didn’t call to say ‘hey I have a couple days off suddenly’ We texted casually asking how it’s going and that his bank stuff arrived. no replies. my husband calls, no answer. second call he answers . he says they made him take a break on this trip. sounds reasonable. we asked why he didn’t come home then as he’s got a pet we really don’t want to be dealing with , he’s got other friends here, and it’s near his birthday. He says he saw a chance to go on a trip rather than work a trip. also sounds reasonable. he already had one of his friends out there. we are just feeling like he doesn’t miss us or home or his pet and almost want to ask but this could be normal/natural self centered teen growing up and we dont want to cause trouble if there really isn’t. we have done a lot for him and perhaps that’s part of the issue, he might just want that space and independence. We miss him as it is but this hurts more. any thoughts?

Over the years my mom has remained difficult to talk to, she’s now 80 and I’m looking at 60. She will ruin moments with her perceived actions or comments that could’ve hurt my brothers feelings. My husband & I (years ago when we were dating) gave my brother a fridge , gently used, and I hear from my mom that we bought 2 steaks and made my brother feel bad for pointing out that the strudel bread at this same deli is expensive. Nothing about the free fridge and delivering it to his apartment, but a jab that my husband (boyfriend) and I bought 2 steaks. We gave him a fridge, were we supposed to stock it for him?!? I don’t share anything about going out to a nice place for a meal because when I shared we went to Ruth’s Chris for my birthday she replies “that dinner would’ve bought a weeks worth of groceries for your brother.” What am I supposed to do or say?!? Undigest my dinner?

The recent zinger was we were on the phone she said she imagined I had errands to get to, I said laundry, she says “lucky you, and I mean it, your brother had to give up 2 hours of his day to go to the laundromat” Again, how does one respond? I’m lucky because we opted for a washer and dryer instead of concert tickets and more tattoos and we have the privilege of paying when the washer and dryer need servicing? We actually gave my mom my condo-sized washer and dryer which she never set up so I guess I missed asking why they don’t use it. My point is I’m caught off guard by some of her comments, kind of backhanded, and now even laundry elicits a jab comment. I guess the pause got to her as she asked if I was still on the line! I just talk to her once a month now because it’s a drag trying to avoid a jab, or being left at a loss for a response.

my team emphasized the skin and nail issues with Hernexeos . more than any other side effect they said care for the skin, hands and nails, any splits cuts etc. I have cuticles that need a lot of care, any suggestions for super protecting hands with bad/dry cuticles? maybe those hand masks? I gave tons of creams and lotions all different …

watch n wait turned into cancelling maintenance infusions today and switching to to target therapy (Hernexeos) Scans (PET) showed activity in the two inconclusive spots, suggesting progression. ive done chemo (platinum based) and surgery. we knew it was possible, but it happened sooner than we thought. I was almost at 1 year since all this, almost 1 year since diagnosis. anyone got words of experience from having to switch to target therapy?

We are the owners of an easement that grants ingress/egress to the next door neighbor. she has left the gates open, kept 4-5 trshcsns in it, has recently come to say we can’t block their easement, tries to dictate how the easement is used despite paperwork, says we are blocking their access though they did long term parking of vehicles and a trailer! I showed her the paperwork for non exclusive easement which means both can use(even though it’s our property) She claimed she was getting an easement attorney and the city involved to which I said good maybe it needs to be revisited!! they’ve abused the terms by keeping trash cans and pool chemical buckets and long term parking which kept us from use…now suddenly she’s got an issue with us putting our vehicle in the inner easement where they can still park behind it and they’d actually block us in.

Have any of you nearly lost it with cancer-free people throwing around ideas of “unliving themselves” while we are doing everything to live? I’ve not shared my diagnosis with my mom, brother, or niece because they are ridiculously anxiety riddled over anything. my mom gets a brush clearance notice from the fire dept just over inspections and she’s having a near medical emergency, stating “they scare me. they really literally scare me” My young niece said she was thinking of her friend who ended her own life and thinks about it herself! says she’s also thinking about another friend who tried to kill himself. I asked what’s going on that such young people want to end their lives. I said they haven’t lived long enough to appreciate life, and I asked if she knew anyone with cancer. of course not. she said her friend who attempted to end his life is mourning his mom. when I asked was he going to get help or just keep scaring his friends with these attempts.,my niece replied no, he’s not seeking help because he doesn’t trust doctors or therapists.

So she has an answer for everything. I was very close to sharing my diagnosis so she’d see what’s really a major life crisis and when I’m doing everything to stay living it irks me no end to hear this ‘unliving’ talk! I’m not trying to discredit her feelings but this has been going on with them, they don’t get help but talk about “unliving”. I’m sure if they knew they wouldnt say it to me but telling them would send them over the edge (and guilt me for sending them). Anyone deal with anything similar?