r/AskWomenOver60

Married, 1 child.

My husband would probably score “good husband”. Still, the ways in which he fucks up; and what I apparently have to forgive, is way beyond what I would allow myself.

On bi/tri-weekly basis, he screams pure abuse. At the top of his lungs, and the most disgusting things. Last weekend when ordering food; he forgot to check for a food allergy our toddler has, and I ate the food. That’s a problem, as she is still breastfed, and this morning woke up with eczema. So, the egg got in my system.

And now you can say - mistakes happen. Well, in 2.5 years of breastfeeding her I did not slip on her allergies once. Not once. No egg, no dairy, no soy. And I also adjust my diet to not eat these things; which is infinitely harder. But apparently we must just accept lack of reading & comprehension skills as “normal part of male brain”.

Same for screaming - of course I get mad, in a level voice. I do not however get to cursing; or calling somebody the most vile thing I can think of. And again, this I should just accept.

This morning when I in level voice said that his behavior is appalling, between forgetting about his daughter’s allergies and screaming at me last week, he found himself the victim and said he was a good guy, as he did not throw me out of the car.

It’s just… bleak. And when I think of all the other men out there, I don’t see better specimens either. So why must we lower our standards if we wish to be with a man? Is the only path to having a smart, thoughtful partner through lesbianism?

Edit: couple of clarifications. He said he was a good guy for both throwing me out of the car. I said no such thing. I thought he was a psycho when he said that, and it is exactly what is wrong with him - that he thinks he would be justified to do so.

I WFH, he works as a banker and I presume he manages to keep track of details there, and do less screaming.

I could leave, and am very much playing with the idea. Talking to a lawyer. But I come from a broken home, and I really want my girl to have a happy family home. It is what I want more than anything. This morning she woke up saying “I love my mama, I love my papa”. That is hard to break.

He’s in anger management but I am not sure it lands. He is quite good at keeping up appearances.

As for friends, mine have told me that I should leave in the past, he doesn’t have any, really.

I just finished touching up my eyebrows with Just For Men hair color, and it’s fantastic. One kit lasts forever. I just carefully apply a tiny bit to my eyebrows, and it fills in any sparse spots or grays, making them look so much fuller.

It’s a tip I picked up from watching Wendy Williams about a decade ago. She was actually talking about using it to cover gray roots between hair color appointments, but I realized it works great for eyebrows, too. The best part besides being inexpensive is that it took me 5 minutes!

Oh man this heat wave… I’m longing for the baby powder or perfume style puff thing to dust myself. I haven’t seen it around and really it’s the only way I feel dry…. Anybody out there have suggestions?

One of my sisters is hitting that milestone this summer (and her husband of course).

And I have no clue what to get them for a gift. Their house is very clutter-free. They like to travel in their RV.

Any ideas?

Dear AskWomenOver60,

I am a 25 year old man whose mother has suddenly started complaining of losing her taste. She hasn’t lost it completely, but she also lost her sense of smell due to covid. Me and my siblings were just wondering if we should be concerned for our mom having a serious issue.

We saw a doctor about her smell, but her taste is new. We appreciate any response we can get. Thank you :)

- Concerned Son

For context, I live with my elderly 87-year-old mother in her house as her primary caregiver.

I got up this morning at 7:30 a.m. had a light breakfast and immediately started on chores: water the front lawn, remove weeds and other growth from between cracks in the landscaping and the edge of the driveway, remove weeds from the flower beds, water the flower beds, wash the driveway and pathway, go to the backyard and tend to plants in the flower beds, do weeding in the vegetable garden, transplant two plants that aren't doing very well, water the garden, deal with ants coming into the basement, do a load of laundry, clean the bathroom, put away dishes that were washed last night, take garbage out, load the fridges with cold drinks, and finally at 9am sit down to rest.

Not going to lie I feel drained already. And the day is just beginning. I still have to finish the laundry, put away some clothes, do grocery shopping for the week, prepare meals for the day, wash the floors and somewhere in there I have to go visit a sick relative.

How is this still my life? I know how it's still my life. I agreed to help my mother age in place after my father passed away. This is not how I wanted to be spending this period of my life.

EDIT: Thank you for the advice; I know I need to pace myself more and I know I have to get more comfortable with things being messy for a bit, not being done until tomorrow and just plain old saying "No".

I am seeking the assistance of you lovely ladies as I try to simplify my life. After numerous years of work in the tech field and taking care of family members, I finally have the time to focus on myself. Been dealing with a lot of chronic illnesses mostly arthritis. As a result, my mobility is rather limited, but I want to live a simple life, despite living in a busy city. While my husband and I would love to retire to a more relaxing environment, we just don’t have the money to do so. Hence, I am asking for any suggestions to help us live a simplified life despite our environment. We have a lovely little house in a gated community, but we have way too much stuff. I guess I’d like your help in creating an oasis in the midst of the chaotic world. Any suggestions?

I’ve noticed it’s getting harder to find quality TV shows lately, and I’ve been gravitating more and more toward British series. A lot of newer shows feel a bit “dumbed down,” or the characters are so young that I don’t really relate to their dilemmas.

I did enjoy The Other Bennet Sister.

Does anyone have suggestions for good TV shows or movies—especially ones with strong writing, interesting characters, or a more mature perspective?

Thanks

Update: Thanks for the suggestions everyone. There is intelligent life out there (and TV shows) !

Edit: Since I don’t know when I’ll have the time to respond, I just wanted to quickly say thank you so much. I was in such an emotional state when I wrote this post, and I’m so glad I reached out. I really appreciate your responses and the time you took to read my post and share your thoughts. Some of your words truly comforted me and meant a lot to me. I feel much better now and will save this post so I can come back to it whenever I feel lost again.
Thank you so, so much.

Dear women, I could really use your advice.

I’m almost 33 years old and currently pregnant with my fourth baby. After this, our family will be complete. I live in a city in Central Europe and, from the outside, I have what most people would probably call a very privileged life. That’s a huge contrast to my childhood, which was shaped by poverty, anxiety, and a lot of loneliness.

One thing I’ve always been missing is a motherly figure. I don’t have a mother, grandmother, or any older woman in my life who really fills that role. I think I’ve spent my whole life longing for someone who could simply tell me, “Everything is going to be okay.” Someone whose experience I could lean on.

Lately I’ve been going through what feels like a bit of a crisis.
I’m terrified that I had children too young or had too many too early, even though, when I really think about it, I wouldn’t trade lives with anyone. I love my children more than anything.

The more I’ve reflected on these feelings, the more I think I’m grieving parts of my old life rather than regretting becoming a mother. I miss the spontaneity. I miss the feeling that anything could happen and that life was still wide open, full of possibilities.

Ever since I was young, I dreamed of studying in the United States. I’ve always been fascinated by those wide coastlines and beaches, even though I’ve never actually been there.
The strange part is that I’m genuinely happy with the choices my husband and I have made. We’ve achieved almost everything we dreamed of. And yet this deep fear has appeared that my youth, my sense of aliveness, and the most exciting part of my life are already over.

I’m afraid I’ll never feel that excitement of falling in love again. I’m afraid the rest of my life will just be predictable: work, responsibilities, and routine.

Rationally, I know that’s probably not true. I know there are still so many things I can experience and look forward to.

I guess I’m just hoping to hear from women who are further along in life. Did anyone else go through something similar? Did these feelings pass? How did your life evolve after your early thirties and after your children got older?

I’d really appreciate some perspective and encouragement.

My husband and I have been not getting along really well for 25 years. I feel like he's always upset with me. I know that it will be a change in financial status, but I'm so tired of feeling I'll never be what he wants. Frankly, I don't know if I even care about trying anymore. Has anyone went this route?

she is feeling moody and angry. What wise words can I offer her to help her through what is,to her, a difficult physical change?

Hello. I’m about to be a grandma (i am 54) but there’s a rather large concern about the baby, and I want to know how to best support my daughter.

It was noted a few months ago that the ventricular space is extreme. It’s 25, whereas normal is about 10. We already know the baby will need surgery after he’s born to get rid of some of that fluid.

What we don’t know is why this is happening, and we won’t know until he’s born.

Of course, dr. Google is terrifying. My daughter has a whole team of people to take care of her and baby. But I’m so scared. I know I need to be strong for my daughter, so I keep my tears to myself.

My husband was diagnosed with COPD a couple of years ago. He’s has all the pulmonary testing and scans and takes Trilogy and a rescue inhaler.
However in the last 8 months he’s really slowed down. He’s 77 which makes sense. However, lately he’s said his legs don’t work. When I question him if they hurt he says no. He is constantly criticizing everything I do or say. I’m worried he could be having other neurological problems.
He’s very stubborn.
My question: is this a part of the COPd? Has any one else had my experience? I’m worried.

I don't know the year...maybe late 1980s? Charlie Gibson was having fun talking to Tom Cruise and Charlie sorta relaxed and said something along the lines of, "Do you ever look in the mirror in the morning and think man, where did I get that NOSE!" or something like that.

Charlie and Tom both have bigger high bridge noses and when Charlie said that, Tom didn't laugh but just looked awkward.

I know I saw this but no one I know saw it. Did anyone else see this and remember it?

Has anybody tried these? There are lots pf brands out there, and I’m wondering which, if any, others have tried. I paid over 5,000 for my last pairand refuse to pay that much again. If you have tried any, please post the brand name and your experience with it. TIA.

(I almost posted this on Dating Over Sixty. Sure glad I caught that!)

Ladies with biggish boobs- what are we doing to address under boob dampness? I don’t know how I got to this age before realizing this can be a slightly malodorous situation. Perhaps because I have only had boobs for about 20 years? Or is it because most days I don’t bother with a bra?

Today I tried Sure spray antiperspirant which my brother uses in his armpits. It seemed to keep me dry but I’m sure there are better products. I tried Gold Bond powder but it had a slightly medicinal scent that I didn’t like. Johnson & Johnson no longer smells the same since they stopped using talc plus it gums up.

I’m wishing for one of those lovely Heaven Scent after bath puffs and powder that I used to receive every Christmas as a teen, now that I know what they might have been used for.

Give me your best ideas, please!

Hi all! I wanted to introduce myself and share a photo I took. I’m Dina.

I’m 65, and what surprises me most is that I feel as curious, vibrant, and excited about life as ever.
This season has been full of big decisions and honest questions.

What stays?
What goes?
What parts of myself did I leave behind that I want back?

After spending 30 years helping people navigate difficult moments, I’m realizing something: even with all my experience, rebuilding your own life requires reflection, courage, and a process you can trust.

So I’m sharing my own rebuild in real time.
Recognizing the season I’m in.
Deciding what comes next.
Letting go of what no longer fits.
Selling my house.
Moving across the country.
Creating a life that feels like mine.

At this age, I’m not interested in shrinking. I’m interested in becoming more myself.
We still get to choose.
We still get to explore.
We still get to build something beautiful.
Here’s to the next chapter. ❤️