r/AskWomenOver60

When I retired (I’m now 64) I had great plans of overhauling my house - deep cleaning, decluttering, perfect organizing, landscaping, painting etc. All a leftover mindset from my high stress, get things done, deadline driven corporate job.

Now, two years in, I only want to do what I want to do and it doesn’t include any of that. I want to work on my hobbies, camp, bike ride, read, watch excellent tv series. I recently hired a housekeeper and after a bit of guilt I’ve fully embraced letting that always nagging part of my daily routine go.

Of course I still have some jobs I have to keep doing, mainly cooking, which I hate! But my husband and I are going to start meal prepping so we can go without cooking for a couple of weeks. I figure the savings on not eating out will pay for the housekeeper!

Anyone else feel the same?

I recently lost weight and was looking forward to going shopping for some new wardrobe items. It’s such a drag that I am having a hard d time finding anything I want to buy! Shops catering to women my age seem to be stuck in a tunic and capri time-warp. Larger retail shops have a lot of looks that echo early 80’s. Great if you are 19 years old. I am bored with what is available. Anyone know where I can find clothes that flatter over 60 women?

I'm 65, retired w a generous state pension and collecting social security. My former employer covers medically whatever medicare doesn't pay. With the exception of a 2026 Honda CRV which I'm paying off over 5 years w a 3.9% financing loan, i have no other fixed expenses beyond insurance, utilities, property taxes, etc. Additionally, I have about $500k in investments.

I have no heirs beyond my sister (61 years old) w various charities designated as backup if my sister predeceases me.

All that to say, I'm sitting pretty. Intellectually i know that but I'm having a hard time letting loose w spending money. I've spent my whole life taking care of myself, depending on noone, and counting on only myself.

Without taking up intensive therapy, how do you allow yourself the freedom to do, see, participate without worrying about tomorrow. I don't want to travel the world but to park in covered parking and not the economy lot. I don't want to dine at Ruth Chris but to purchase a rib eye, not on clearance at WM.

How do I convince myself to treat myself without feeling like im going to send myself to the poor house? How do I justify the extras?

I retired this summer at nearly 64 and already I find tapping into my savings uncomfortable and disorienting. My financial advisor has told me that, if I live within the plan she built for me, it's likely my funds will take me through the rest of my life (95+) with a bit left over for my daughter when I'm gone.

On the one hand, with all the travel and experiences I would like to include in my early retirement years, I'm afraid of overspending over the next few years (despite my planners assurances that it's very common to do this during the "go-go" phase of retirement).

On the other hand, even if I could make it until 95, I'm not sure I would want to - based on my personal experience, it seems that life gets a whole lot less fun after around 85. I kind of like the idea of planning my exit strategy proactively and going to Switzerland when the wheels are starting to come off - or if ever I'm down to my last $40k.

Moreover, with the state of the world, the environment and the geopolitical mayhem happening everywhere, I feel a strong temptation to have a ball now and not worry so much about saving for my 90s, because who really knows what the next couple of decades will bring?

Anyone else wrestling with these existential issues in retirement? Would love your perspectives!

I’m 64 - two sons (30) and (26). I’m single - divorced their dad in 2004 and never remarried. Had a long term relationship for 8 years but have been single since I was 50.
Anyways - worry.
My sons are healthy, have good jobs, live independently and I see them often. We are a close family and there are no dramas - just lots of love.
But I always have this horrible nagging worry that something will happen to them and I can’t protect them.
Last year my eldest was assaulted and badly injured in Europe. He spent a week in hospital and has damaged eyesight as a result. It was like my fears were realised .
I’ve always been a worrier even as a little kid.
I take anti depressants and have a good doctor who knows my history.
Anyway just reaching out to see if I’m crazy or does anyone else worry about their adult kids ?

The older I get the less grace I am able to give folks that are my age(62) that have made very bad choices that are now impacting the quality of their life. For example Not taking good care of one’s health and as a result are 50 pounds overweight and limiting mobility. Not taking the time to educate themselves on a retirement plan or financial fitness at all.
Specifically, my partner(70 male) has a sister who is 66 and makes what I think are very bad decisions as far as Health and Financial fitness. My partner‘s mother recently died at 95 and before she died, made my partner promise to take care of his sister. While we’ve had an OK relationship, I would not say that I’m close with his sister. The problem seems that my partner‘s parents always stepped in to help his sister and she is now a little lost as to making good decisions. This is causing my partner quite a bit of stress.
My feeling is that we should try and help her to avoid bad financial decisions because she’s just going to come to us to rescue her anyways. For example she has a rather large credit card debt that we are trying to encourage her to pay off… she has the money to pay it off in some retirement accounts, but it’s so afraid of taxes. When we inquire about what the interest rate is on the credit card debt. She said she has no idea what it is. Fortunately she had a good government job with a good pension and some 401(k) money so I think she will be OK as long as she does not make bad decisions.

Circling back to my original question… what do we owe our siblings when they make bad decisions on a regular basis?
My thought is that we should help her develop a budget and try to educate her in some basics of finance.. and then check on her on a quarterly basis to help her make adjustments to her spending and our budget.
Thoughts?

My partner and I have been together for 10 years. He has 2 adult children and I have no children.

He has bequeathed each child 45% of his estate, with the extra 10% going to me.

He has been reminding me that I need to make a will myself, but I don't know what to do. My only living relatives are siblings who are a decade older than me, so anything I bequeath to them may end up going to someone else anyway.

If I worry that if I give everything to my partner, I will be resentful since he is only giving me 10%. On the other hand, giving him a small percentage and the rest to charity seems petty and spiteful.

We each have our own properties and I have good relationships with his kids.

Just curious what others would do in my situation, and why.

38 (f). I don't have any older female relatives or friends that have gone through divorce. I am seeking any advice or perspective that you could pass on. I have been separated for 2 years, and in the process of finalizing the divorce. I left due to many reasons: lack of accountability, unequal partnership, many years of job insecurity and unemployment, and overall coming to the conclusion that he just didn't have the capacity to be the partner I needed. On paper, I look like I have my life together, and some days I feel like my old self. I used to be so fun, adventurous, and confident. Now, I just feel like a shadow of my former self. I can't stop grieving over my marriage. This pain is relentless, and I just feel like it's never going to heal. I am in therapy, and trying really hard to focus on me. I'm trying to reimagine my life, and rediscover myself. Some days it just feels like I'm never going to be over this pain.

Anyone else have friends who think they understand everything? They spent 24hrs off of a cruise ship and think they know a culture? They explain your struggles to you because they did something similar one day 40 years ago? Argh! I’m going to have to get hypnotized to not snap their heads off!

Not talking about a standard or casual friend here. Or a sex friend!

I'm 61F. These last few years I've come to the realisation that I'd be just as happy if I never had another romantic relationship. Either way is fine.

What I actually seek is connection. Genuine connection with someone who cares about you and has time for you. I miss the connection I had with my late mother and husband and a couple of close longtime friends.

Somebody compatible who "gets" you and is on your wavelength, without judgement, expectations, or agenda.

You can be yourself and talk about anything, spend quality time together, have fun, and make memories.

A romantic relationship may or may not evolve from that.

Why aren't more people open to this? Seems many single men (of our generations) are on a dogged tunnel-visioned mission to find the "one" (who rarely seems to materialise) for a romantic relationship, one that often turns out to be short-lived.

Whereas in the meantime, while they're seeking love, or maybe for the rest of their lives, or maybe just between relationships, they could be enjoying and feeling fulfilled and loved by the type of connection described above.

It doesn't have to get in the way of their quest for romantic love. It's just "there", and can be relied upon.

Is the above scenario possible or am I just dreaming? Does desire for sex or a romantic relationship always get in the way?

Interested to hear any experiences you may have had with the above dynamic.

I am not sure how to navigate this site - please instruct me if you'd like. I wanted to add to my original post to all the folks who commented but couldn't figure out how to do that.

I just wanted to thank those of you who offered ideas and support - i appreciate it. I answered/replied directly to several comments and after a while, I started to feel like a crazy person. Why? Because so many of my answers are - tried that, did that, took that, asked for that - and all with negative answers. I am not refusing help - its just that I've been at it for a while so there is hardly anything that I have not tried.

There were several things that I had not heard of and am researching now. Such as concierge doctors, or a bigger pool of advocates. functional medicine, long=term Covid issues and some others. I am sure I will have more questions.

Several people did offer diet and what worked for them but those suggestions are not going to work for me because I also have food issues which really complicate things. Another few asked just how fat I am. Right now I'm 244. I have been as big as 330 and the best recent loss took me to 177 and this is the lat time I felt good and all my parts were working. This current gain from that point has happened over five years but there is no explainable diet/exercise reason for it. Even when I was 300 I did not feel this bad and could move very well. = but I also wasn't 60!

I used the new America.gov website to learn how to request that Medicare (Part D) cover one of my prescriptions they didn’t cover (my particular HRT). I faxed the form to my Part D company, and two days later my request was approved! 😳🥳