Forgot something dreams.
My mom died out of state a few weeks ago.
My family and I came out to deal with her apartment.
It was like walking into a complicated mindset that I had destroyed years ago.
Her stuff had emotional weight i felt obligated to carry again despite its toxicity to my health.
With my family; cleaning out her apartment was 90% easier. But also too fast? My family saw my inner turmoil and course corrected the process to get my disassociating mind from getting stuck for too long.
Which I love them for that.
However, at night; I’m having dreams of forgetting stuff; and desperately needing to get them back. The items are of no real sentimental or monetary value; it’s the fact that they were important to my mom.
When she was alive: and I had forgotten something; my mom would react like my forgetfulness was a direct reflection of how easily I could forget her or throw her away for someone she thought was better than her.
These dreams feel like life/Death situations. Which suck because regardless of what I do or don’t take; it doesn’t seem enough.
Arguably; I never felt safe enough to feel protected by her in life/Death situations. (Mainly because she created them).
My brain hurts.