r/ChildrenofDeadParents

I can’t keep going I’ve been trying for 18 months and waking up everyday is such a burden. How did she ever think it would be okay to lose her ? I don’t think carrying her legacy with me is a good enough reason. I want the pain to end

27 F. Lost my dad to suicide. I need anything. Any words. Photos of pets. Idk. My dad ended his life 4 days ago and I can't stop thinking. He was only 51. I just reconnected with him 2 years ago. I grieved the life I never got and I now I have to grieve the life I'll never. Ever have. I'm so broken. I'm so thankful I got to meet him. He's amazing. He's so funny and caring. I can't believe it still.

I'm 49 years old and I'm terrified of losing my mom. I'm planning on killing myself when I lose her. I don't want to go on living. Nobody really loves me except her. I have a couple of friends and others I know. But it's not the same. I never married or had children. I have a job, but I'm lonely without my mom. I well up when I think about giving her a hug. I lost my Dad four years ago. I can't go on without her. I'm too old to start over or be on my own. I'm constantly depressed thinking about no longer having her in my worthless life. Looking at my baby pictures caused me to cry uncontrollably. Mom holding me, smiling and looking so proud of me. She's never been disappointed in me. I don't want to go on without her. Without mom, I can't face the world and its daily horrors. I don't want money or material possessions, I just want my mommy 😭 to love me and be at my side.

I lost my mother 2 months ago she was just 60 years old she had pneumonia and stayed in ICU for 35 days than she passed away in there nurses made us watch while she took her last breath i lost my father 6 years ago he was also 60 years old now i have no one left in my life no family members no girlfriend no friends nothing my days are passing with pain and agony i just don't want to live anymore i just want to be with my mother and father it hurts so much

Hi folks,

Feel like I'm losing my mind a bit. I'm 33 and I lost my dad in 2021 to cancer, then my mum was diagnosed the same year and she died in 2023.

I cared for them both when they were ill, though when my dad was ill, my mum of course was there to help and she was with him longer. Due to Covid restrictions I was only with him for the last 2 months or so. She fought and fought and fought to get him seen by doctors when they were all ignoring his symptoms.

2020 to 2024 was literally: cancer - dad died - went through dad's death admin - got dad's probate - mum diagnosed this same month (was literally getting mum to sign withdrawal forms for dad's bank accounts just after her own diagnosis) - then mum passed - then had to sell mum and dad's house, clear out all their memories and correct probate solicitor's mistakes and all that.

Throughout all of this and now I was working full time. Lucky enough to work from home but obviously during busy periods I'd be working 14 hour days for weeks while my parents were ill and they were sometimes telling me they wanted to die. I'd just have to crack on with work.

I'm wondering if now, it's starting to catch up with me. I get very frustrated at work pretty much every day. I know this is my own fault for not speaking up, but I don't think people at work really understood how bad things got, and sometimes still do. Like having the most horrifying dreams about my parents being ill then waking up and logging on as if nothing happened. I've looked it up and the consensus seems to be possible burnout. But I am just so sick of being constantly angry when I'm sat at work. I've even had time of rejected - because I don't have kids and people need time off cos they can't get childcare - not only does it make me feel worthless, like my time off isn't worth anything because I have no family - but it makes me angry too - I managed to work full time while caring for dying parents. So it's like they've definitely forgotten what I went through.

I definitely didn't get like this before mum and dad got ill.

I also get frustrated at the fact that - amongst the people I know (I know there are many people younger than me who have lost parents) - I'm the only one in my position. My friends are all older than me and have parent/s alive. None of them check in on me on Mother's or Father's day. I just cant relate to anyone I know and I hate it. Whenever I'm sat with friends I just want to get up and leave.

Thanks for reading, I guess I just wanted to vent.

i am losing my dad due to cancer, i am 20 years old.
he is on hospice. i want proof & to know that life will be okay. i am anxious, depressed, & completely numb. he was an amazing dad. i am currently one of his care takers, but he cannot function. it happened extremely fast. please anybody who lost their fathers young, let me know how life is now (please try to be positive). i just need to know i’ll be okay one day.

Hello everyone,

I know this might sound like a silly question, but my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack last September. We were extremely close—he was my best friend. His passing hurt in a way I've never experienced before, and I haven't cried like that before or since.

I work housekeeping at a hospital, so I can't easily call off without getting an occurrence. Any time off has to be planned using PTO in advance. The thing is, I just don't know how I'm going to feel when the actual anniversary gets here.

He was a huge Marvel fan and was really looking forward to the Wolverine game coming out. In a strange, kind of funny twist of fate, it releases right on the one-year anniversary of his passing. I already put in PTO for the three days following the 15th (plus the weekend) to play it in his honor, but I don't have the actual anniversary date off itself.

Recently i lost my mother it was 2 months ago actually i also lost my father back in 2020 now i have no one left in my life my mother meant everything to me she was just 60 years old she had pneumonia and died in the hospital now i have no one left my days passing in pain and agony i have no Job or Friends all i have is my cat and my old aunt which she has demantia and on the antidepressants all the time and acts like nothing happened i don't want to live like this anymore i want to be with my mother i pray to god everyday to take my life hope the pain ends soon..

I’m having a really difficult day today. I miss my dad so much that I don’t even know how to put it into words.

I keep thinking about the possibility that this is really it. That he is gone and I will never see him again and I honestly cannot accept that. I don’t want our relationship to have ended. I don’t want him to just be a memory.

I want to believe there is something after this life. I want to believe that somewhere, somehow, I will see my dad again. That I will recognize him. That he will recognize me. That I’ll still be his daughter.

And honestly, I want to be his daughter in every life.
I don’t care what form it takes or what the afterlife looks like. I just want *him*. I want the dad I remember. His voice, his laugh, his presence, his way of being there for me. I want to be able to hug him again and somehow know, without any doubt, that he is my dad and I am his daughter.

If you believe in reincarnation, an afterlife, soul families, signs from loved ones, near-death experiences, or anything else that has given you hope that we continue to exist and that our loved ones are still connected to us, **please tell me about it.**

I’m not asking anyone to prove anything to me. I think I just desperately need some hope today.
I need to know that loving someone this deeply doesn’t mean that losing them is the end of the relationship.

I want my dad to know how much I miss him. I miss him **so, so, so much.** I miss him every day. There are moments when I want to tell him something, or I need him, and then I remember that I can’t just call him anymore. And it hurts in a way I don’t know how to explain.

If there really is an afterlife, I hope he knows.
I hope somehow he can feel how much his daughter loves him.

And more than anything, I hope that one day, somewhere beyond this life, I get to see my dad again.

I just really need someone to give me hope that I will.

My mom died when I was 12. Cancer. She fought for 4 years which felt like forever in my little mind. A part of me always thought she was going to get better, even though I watched her life deteriorate over time. So when she died it sent me into a total shock. At 12 years old, I couldn’t mentally accept my mom’s death and kind of dissociated from reality. I remember when my stepdad told me the news that my mom passed, I didn’t even cry, I just got dressed and went to school and acted like nothing happened even though on the inside I was totally distraught.

Life got really chaotic for a while. There were a lot of people in and out. Packing and moving her things around. And then suddenly silence. There was no more family, no more friends, no more cheap lasagnas just my stepdad and 4 kids all under the age of 12. He got into a relationship within months of my mom passing but I wasn’t ready to accept any woman in the place of my mom. So I started to act out and become more rebellious. He moved her in and married her all within the first year.

At 14, I had moved to a small military town where my aunt lived. I felt like I was normal but looking back I was really struggling mentally. I still went to school. I really felt like I had lost control of my life. I tried moving back at 16 but it was short lived, I simply could not be comfortable in the house. My stepmom was just a weirdo, she would wear my mom’s clothes and stuff. So weird anyway.

I tried moving back at 16 but it was short lived and I this point I had been so depressed and confused about life. I was a teenager with almost no guidance.

At 17,I moved into my older brother’s apartment in Toronto. He was an artist. So free spirited and always being creative and just enjoying life. This is when I finally started to figure out who I was. But I still didn’t have it all together and unfortunately there were some bad people who took advantage of that.

When I turned 18 I had finally found a place of my own. I had to finish high school a little late and I still wasn’t where I wanted to be but little by little I started to get my life together. I actually became a midnight ballerina around this time. Which had its negatives and positives. But it gave me the freedom to experience life and explore.

Between 21 and 23 I started to travel and build a better name for myself. People were finally getting to see the real me but I had experienced some abusive relationships & my brother died putting me through grief all over again.

At 24 I had my son which is what I think is the total turning point. Having him have my life so much purpose. Even though I wished my mom was here through it. I had a little girl at 29.

And now I just turned 30. & even though I don’t have it all together. I feel like I’m alright. I’m on my way to wear I want to be. Im studying to become a nurse. I’m happy, healthy, my kids are healthy. I have a great man who supports me. I wish I was a little further along in my career right now but overall I’m happy with my life. I feel like the hard part is over. And now I can breathe again.

I might’ve just trauma dumped and told my business for no reason. But I mean. This might be able to help someone. Grief sends people down some crazy spirals. I’ve experience it all. But I’m the perfect example of the clichè “it gets better”. So for anyone who might’ve gone through a crazy life too after life. Me too. & I love you. We got this.

Xo

I am 47 years old and I am lying in my bed crying for my Mom who died when I was 10 and my Dad who died when I was 17. They were both in their forties when they lost their battle with cancer. I cry for them as their life was cut too short and for myself and brother as we were forever changed by their deaths. I realize I have never stopped grieving. I have been able to help others with death by working at Hospice. Helping others has allowed some healing for myself but I still feel traumatized by this loss. I don't cry everyday or even every year about this but my whole personality and life has been molded by their deaths. I needed to share this and I will read some of your experience as well. Peace and love to all of you.

I feel so numb and exhausted and constantly drowning. My mom passed away when I was 19 and I spent my entire 20s just grieving and carrying that trauma. Then my dad got cancer few years ago and just passed away (I’m 37 now). He was in a lot of pain and suffering so I thought when he passed, I’d feel somewhat relief but actually no. It hit me like a truck and having no living parents left is actually devastating. It’s like I lost the center of my universe, my home, my safe place … the people I’d call to bail me out of anything or ask for advice or just a hug. I have siblings and a husband but no one can replace the place of your parents. I don’t know how to move on from this. I’m angry at God sometimes. I’m bitter and jealous of friends/cousins who have both parents alive or at least one. I’m tired of just recovering from one trauma to another. I’d like to just .. exist without pain all the time. I feel like I’ve been given a shitty hand at life and like I’m carrying a huge baggage of weight while all my friends are just free to enjoy their lives and be happy and carefree. I’m just tired of life and exhausted.

Someone please tell me this is normal.

I lost my mom this past December and my dad when I was 26, both to cancer. Last year, I also lost my cousin, uncle, and grandmother unexpectedly. I have a brother who has always been very distant and has now stopped speaking to me. And this past week I've also had two close friends end their friendships with me quite brutally rather than resolve a relatively minor conflict.

Honestly, its so much. Even just writing that whole list of losses is crazy. I never thought I'd be so alone so early in my life. My mom and I had a complicated relationship, which I think just makes grieving more difficult. I feel so lost and sad and I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm wondering if anyone else who has lost their parents young or been through similar struggles has any advice they can pass on. What did your life look like after? Is there anything to look forward to? Do things get easier?

I just woke up feeling terrible and 100% sure somehow that a hospital would have saved her. I would’ve been happier with her alive….
I wish I never listened to what that doctor said when she said that she would be okay and hospitalizations weren’t necessary in mom’s case.

She told me that her oxygen levels were good….
I just don’t know what to do now.
Moms been gone for 18 months and I’m still dwelling on this. I can’t forgive myself. I woke up now feeling like she’d been saved if she were taken to a hospital.

Life would have been much better. I don’t know why my guard wasn’t up when she got sick… dealt with the issue as if it was something that would pass. I sometimes contemplate overdosing because there is no close family left. I’m all alone.
She got sick after leaving the house to run errands right after an argument. I feel like I triggered her illness so I should have fixed it. She loved me very much but she knew I triggered her illness and kept treating me like this for two weeks till she passed …. Her health was better then worse then better then she was gone.

I feel like everyone has a right to hate me. So when someone bullies me or is harsh to me I feel like they must know what’s inside me and I give them excuses to mistreat me

I'm 8 years out from losing my dad but my mom just died 18 months ago. Wanted to have a movie night with my husband last night and we love horror movies and weren't caught up on the 28 days later franchise, so we put on 28 Years Later.

Hey, explain to me why the heck A ZOMBIE MOVIE ended up actually being a f*cking heart wrenching tale of a little boy losing his mom? I was unprepared and the emotions took over all at once, I lost it, had to walk away and spent the evening fully bawling my eyes out.

There should be trigger warnings for these things on movies.

I lost my dad very very unexpectedly four months ago at 24 and he was 53. He loved life and was scared of dying.

I feel so alone and lonely. I don't fit in in any friendgroup anymore. I don't have a partner. My sister grieves very differently from me. I am carrying this pain and sadness alone. I am relieving the moment again and again and hurts like the first time each time.

All my friends have both their parents alive and most of them have their grandparents alive as well. They haven't experienced grief and can't understand that I go through the pain every moment every day. I feel like I am the only person on this planet and I don't know how long will this feeling keep going on.

Their problems feel irrelevant and I wish I could swap places with them. I don't wish for them to experience loss like this but I wish I had a friend that had lost a parent so I have someone to hold on to and talk to someone that understands.

Every day I go out and do something but for 4 months I didn't do anything because I actually wanted to. I want to cancel every plan and stay at home instead.

If you lost a parent early please tell me how was that for you. How did you manage to get out of the darkness. I know that this is a pain we carry for the rest of our lives, but does life feel "good" again? I don't know what to do.