I wish I could share this with him. He made me drive the car once or twice with supervision when I was a kid but I never learnt complete driving from him. I wish it was him who taught me but I finally managed to learn driving at the age of 30 and when I was done ...I wished he was here so that I could share. I hope he is proud of me.
29 years ago today, my father passed away when I was 15. He was only 52. Still after so many years, I get so upset and angry sometimes, it wasn't fair that he died so young and left us.
He worked so incredibly hard and though he enjoyed and lived life to it's fullest, I wish he had lived so much longer and been able to retire and enjoy his twilight years.
Mom passed almost 6 years ago now. For some reason today hit me especially hard, harder than it normally does on the anniversary of their deaths. I miss them both so much and I hate being only 43 and not having either of my parents.
My closest aunts and uncles are also long gone, along with all my grandparents who all died many years ago.
An entire generation and beyond are all gone, it's so frustrating. I get so jealous of people my age who still have big families. I miss having a big, close knit family of my own. With each of their deaths, it felt like those of us younger family members all just gradually kept growing apart. I miss the big family get togethers and holidays.
We used to have massive July 4th parties every year, with so much food and fireworks and celebration. Those were some of my favorite memories. Yesterday I just stayed home alone with my dogs and slept most of the day. It's miserable sometimes, life can be so unfair and cruel.
Just needed to vent my frustration a little, thanks anyone for reading.
The reality is that, for as common as we think death may be, this is a very isolating situation we've found ourselves in. I'm speaking for others because the many of you on this sub echo the same sentiment.
We know how grieving works. The first few days people are checking in on you followed by a precipitous drop off of support. They go back to living their daily lives and you're left with the grief.
They'll try to relate. Grandparent died, someone close to them. But have no parents at all? That's rare.
The cruelest part is that this type of dilemma was built for a parent to solve. Really, who else would you go to with these types of problems? And now, the only people equipped to handle them are gone.
I don't know. No one loved me like my mother died. No one. There wasn't even a close second. How do you handle it?
Just feeling very alone in my grief right now and maybe posting here will help. My mom died in Jan, I had to make the extremely difficult decision to put her on comfort care (aka remove all life support until she died, which I have no rehret about). She was my only family. I suffered a serious injury in May that has taxed my already weakened mental/emotional state. I have an amazing partner (both parents alive and wonderful) and 2 friends that understand the loss of a parent but Im feeling so frustrated and alone right now.
I just wish I could call her and talk to her but I cant.
Everything reminds me of her and its a nice experience most of the time but right now it feels a bit tortuous.
I dont have a brother or sister or uncle or cousin Im all alone in my family. I just wish that I could call her
I hope you are doing well upthere, it's been 13yrs. 13yrs without a father and its been hard pa. 13 yrs every single day I wished that you were still alive ,I whish that I get one more day to spend with you. Without you this world is way to cruel. Ma thing I am too stubborn , rude, and what not,she doesn't get me like you used to, l feel like I didn't just lost you I also Lost my best friend pa .Pa I feel I have no one who understands me. All my friends know me as a friend who is always cheerful, happy and carefree but l feel like I am suffocating myself .
I just want to be myself for once but I can't I don't know why but I am scared to show my true emotion's what if they don't want to be my friends and more what if they just like the personality I created pa l wish you were here you would have solved my doubts in second. Miss you and l love you papa.
Your daughter ,
My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in February 2026. She had metastasis at time of diagnosis to her adrenal glands, spine, brain, and skin. It was a shocking diagnosis because she was a healthy, non smoking 70YO woman. My mom was also a nurse and was incredibly on top of her health and screening.
She had a lump on her scalp, which was her first tip off that’s something was wrong. Sure enough it was stage 4 at time of diagnosis.
My mum decided to do chemo and radiation which was rocky, but we had some periods of time where she was doing well. She ended up with a lot of pain towards the end of her third chemo treatment and we found out that the cancer had spread. We live in Canada and she chose to do MAiD (Medical Assistance in Dying). We had everybody around her for the last three days of her life. We told stories, went through photos, listened to music, watched movies. We ate smoked salmon and drank champagne. It was a beautiful goodbye. She left peacefully.
I tell this story because this subreddit was a lifeline for me when I was looking for hope while she was in treatment. It didn’t end the way I was hoping, but we made a beautiful goodbye for her and there was closure for us. I will miss her forever, she was a wonderful mother and grandmother. I am sending love and support to anyone at the end of their journey and especially if their loved one is considering MAiD. It was a difficult decision but I’m ultimately so grateful my mom chose this path for herself.
i lost my mom when i was 12 and my dad when i was 22 (i’m 27 now) and i’ve just been going ever since. everyone i know has someone they can fall back to but i have literally no one. no friends that understand or care to know, my own sister isn’t able to have those hard conversations and i just avoid them with her because it’s better to keep the line of communication than to be shut out. i’m a flight attendant which has helped alleviate the past few years and keep my mind on something new but once you travel enough you realize it doesn’t matter where you’re going but who you’re with an i just have nobody. i wasn’t even particularly close with my dad but i just at least wish someone was there that i could try with. i feel like i carry so much weight from the version of them i have left it almost feels trapped in time all the things i wont experience. i feel no passion for literally anything i do and days just keep going by and it feels pointless with no witness. everyday i feel more heightened and like i’m willing to do more and more dangerous things to fill the void however i can and its scaring me. i have no guidance on my decisions and so i’ve neglected so many facets of my life because it’s all so overwhelming and i know i shouldn’t need someone to adult for me but i’m genuinely exhausted everyday. all this weight on top of being trans and trying to navigate my own identity i’m simply exhausted. i just felt like i wanted to put this somewhere maybe someone else is experiencing this feeling.
Do people ever find the reason to live after their parents death? I lost my dad 37 days ago the thought of never seeing him again is hurting so much i can't bear this he was 64 I am 24 I don't know how am I going to spend my entire life without him....
My mom died out of state a few weeks ago.
My family and I came out to deal with her apartment.
It was like walking into a complicated mindset that I had destroyed years ago.
Her stuff had emotional weight i felt obligated to carry again despite its toxicity to my health.
With my family; cleaning out her apartment was 90% easier. But also too fast? My family saw my inner turmoil and course corrected the process to get my disassociating mind from getting stuck for too long.
Which I love them for that.
However, at night; I’m having dreams of forgetting stuff; and desperately needing to get them back. The items are of no real sentimental or monetary value; it’s the fact that they were important to my mom.
When she was alive: and I had forgotten something; my mom would react like my forgetfulness was a direct reflection of how easily I could forget her or throw her away for someone she thought was better than her.
These dreams feel like life/Death situations. Which suck because regardless of what I do or don’t take; it doesn’t seem enough.
Arguably; I never felt safe enough to feel protected by her in life/Death situations. (Mainly because she created them).
My brain hurts.
I'm not evil, but I no longer feel kind. I used to see someone driving a beat up car and be like "Damn, how fortunate I am" (Despite mine being a 15 year old Honda with 250K miles on it lol) and now I kind of just think "Can he call mom or dad? He's better off than I could ever be".
Part of me believes I am trying to use others as a face for my parent's pathologies. "I can't get mad at cancer because cancer is not a person, but I can get mad at the world".
The other part of me thinks "No, fuck these people. They're ingrates. They're not aware of how good they have it and yet they complain".
Has anyone else felt this way?
My one friend is an alcoholic depressive and called me up drunk about 2 weeks after my mother died. I spent the night CONSOLING HIM! He's got both parents, young, lives in a great area, but was sobbing about how hard his life was.
I gave him friendly but clinical advice, not letting my true disdain slip through, but after I hung up the phone it was like... WTF. Does he have no self awareness?! Can he put NOTHING into context?!
My dad died 2 years ago this past May. It was sudden and unexpected and we lost him in a month. I'm still hurting quite a lot, not in the day to day, but in the fact that his presence isn't here anymore and I feel alone. He was the parent I was closer to, My mom and I really didn't have a good relationship before my dad's death, and it's become even harder to communicate with her without him here. Hence why I'm so fed up at this point.
To keep this brief, here are some examples of what my mother has done related to this whole situation that makes our relationship difficult:
When my father first went into the hospital on my birthday, she did not call or text me. My sister did. The same thing happened again a month later when he died
She denied or downplayed how ill he was to his brother's (partially on his behalf) so they didn't get come down to see him prior to his passing
2 weeks after he died, she tells me how she can't go on with life by herself and she'll have to find someone eventually. 2 weeks.... my dad isn't even cremated yet.
So yea, she went to counseling and started dating a year and a half after his death. (37 years of their lives together, but only takes 1.5 years to get over. I get that we grieve differently, but damn. ) I tell her I'm extremely uncomfortable with anything to do with this relationship, want nothing to do with it and dont want to hear about it. Basically, a "you do you, but keep me out of it." Well she can't seem to respect that as it keeps trickling into our conversations, and it makes me wanna vomit.
I try to talk to my sister about it because maybe she would understand me a little, and all I get is a lot of excuses for our moms behavior. Or just "being logical" about things and downplaying things as "we all grieve differently", "it's her life.... she just wants to share it with you. "
But I dont wanna be a part of this. I dont want to be in a room with a person who is a constant reminder of the dad I want to be here. I dont want to spend my holidays with a stranger.... I'm tired of feeling gaslit because they're able to compartmentalize their grief better than me. I'm tired of feeling I'm wrong for being me and having boundaries because my remaining family members are so different from me and my dad that I'm made out to be the difficult one.
I'd rather just not or barely have a relationship with them at this point, and chill with my husband and dogs. Is that wrong?
My Dad died 6 months ago. I’m devastated still. I think I just had a small epiphany about why I feel so depressed. My Mom died when I was 9 (34 yrs ago). I don’t think I ever really grieved that loss. I helped to take care of my little sister instead. My Dad being alive kept my Mom alive. Now that he’s gone I feel like I’m grieving two deaths at once. I’m struggling so hard right now. My health insurance is already too expensive to add on therapy. (I’m in the US…..) I’m just surviving until I can get better insurance at the beginning of next year. Thanks for listening. 💔
Hi everyone. This is my first post ever.
Im a huge fan of AIOR and AITA. But I need real advice and I can't look for it from my family.
I (44F) lost my mom (65F) on May 4th of this year (2026). This was a very sudden and heart breaking event. My mom wasnt sick but came down with Pneumonia and was gone within a week. The hard part was that it wasn't the cause of her death. My mom had Rheumatoid arthritis and apparently the medication coupled with the arthritis itself attacked her lungs and had harden them. The Pneumonia was just the straw that broke the camels back. We are at a lost of word. My dad (66M) is lost. I never thought much about their age and the time line of their relationship till we were writing her obituary. My mom and dad have been together since mom was 15. They married a day after her graduation from high school. Everything my dad knows is with her. I mean everything. My dad has always been a beer drinker but sense my mom has gone he has been drinking way more then I had ever seen before. He still gets up, cleans his home, does his laundry, eats, and bathes. But today I stopped in to see him and he was so grief stricken that I just dont know what to do. My dad is a guy guy if that makes any sense. He has never been the one to cry or let his emotions to over take him. I have never seen him cry so much as I have the last couple of months. I just dont know what to do. I miss her and I wish I can see her again, but my dad is drowning in the "what ifs". What can I do to help him? What can I say? None of what happened to my mom could have been seen till it was too late, it wasnt his fault she died. Im just scared. Please help!
I'm 20y/o female. Mom passed away after battling cancer. During her fight, she developed thrombosis. and we lost her far sooner than we were ready for.
We have to save up 18,000$ for her burial... how can i go about saving up so far we have like 2,700$😭.. we need it done by Saturday. Mom died unexpectedly bc she was doing better but then overnight her health declined and we were so not ready for it.. worst part is she was our guidance. Basically our brain.
Please be kind 🙏
Before saying therapy, not everyone can afford it. I just want to know from the people who lost, how did you cope? No matter how toxic they are, life surprises in ways. We never would have expected what comes and no one prepares us for that moment.
How did you deal with your toxic relatives? If parents are not transparent and financially irresponsible, if someone comes and starts fighting like your dad owe us (with/without proofs) how to deal.
I’ve learnt it early on that most of the people treat you well only when parents are around, whether you are young or grow up, their behaviour drastically changes in their absence or when they expire. Especially when a parent who’s been protecting from relatives expire everyone gets brutal.
The thing is, no matter how much you block them, avoid them and disregard them on other times, when your parent expire all those people come to see as per traditions and to be a part of rituals. How to deal??? That one moments fuks up sanity, you have no time to grieve, you are busy with rituals and responsibilities and then comes the mess with relatives who act extremely cold and do politics.
After everything, how to deal with grief? Only experiences and kind answers please. 🙏 Do not comment unnecessary hate and make it worse.
I’m going to be 29 in October and man.. it’s a lot. Daily. It all comes in waves. Mom passed after my dad, both were super traumatic as I watched them both die a slow death. So bad that I just could not go to my mom’s funeral, I was incredibly traumatized and still am. My dad was like swelled up and purple-ish green in his casket and I mean, growing up seeing him as this handsome super man marine with strong hands that help me and a healthy bronze face saying “hey mija” so lovingly, it really fucked me up. I know my mom’s spirit understands and will always understand. But anywho, I started dating my bf shortly after momma passed. Known each other since high school. That entire first year was good, hard but good, around the second year things just got bad with me. Fast forward, there’s just no healing in our relationship I guess. I think about the friendships I’ve lost along the way, I mean none of my friends came to my dad’s funeral so that speaks for itself but.. this is the first time I’ve actually shouted out into the void of this traumatic late twenty orphan identity bull, I see as I age how much it truly effects me. I mean I’ve even envied my bfs connection with his family, and how his mom doesn’t truly love me like how my mother did. I’m constantly jaded. I’m pretty bubbly and happy but man, at the end of many days I tend to be sad and angry. I’m lost. I dunno if I even want to be a mom now knowing my parents won’t be there, I feel alone. Thank God for my sister. I have an issue with feeling like the biggest pos for my grief and the way I can’t always be happy for others or for myself, bc a huge part of me is constantly remembering I’ll never have my two biggest supporters and protectors.
Hi everyone.
I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer in November 2025, and lately the grief has been hitting me really hard. Some days I feel like I’m just trying to survive the day.
My mom and younger brother live in another city, so while we do talk and they support me when they can, it’s mostly over the phone and I don’t always want to lean on them because they’re grieving too. At home, I don’t really feel emotionally supported, so I’ve been feeling quite alone in all of this.
I’m trying to stop relying on other people for comfort and instead learn what I can do for myself.
For those of you who’ve lost a parent or someone you loved deeply:
• What genuinely helped you get through the really difficult days?
• Were there any routines, hobbies, support groups, books, podcasts, or small things that made you feel even 1% better?
• How did you cope when you felt like you were grieving on your own?
I’m not really looking for relationship advice. I’m just hoping to hear from people who have been through something similar and found ways to carry their grief when they felt alone.
Thank you. 🤍
My father passed away last Tuesday. He was my favorite person on this planet and the closest person to me in my family. He understood me best. We were kindred spirits.
I’m currently experiencing two types of grief - the obvious grief associated with losing my father and also the grief of losing my family. My dad was the glue that kept us all together. I’m not particularly close to my two brothers (I’m the only girl / daughter) and not super close to my mom. No one is to me what my father was to me.
I feel so alone and like I lost my family with my dad. How do I cope with this? Has anyone else gone through this?
My mom died 3 weeks ago. It was cancer and she was gone so fast she wasn’t even diagnosed for a month and it’s the hardest thing I have ever gone through and my siblings are making it terrible and so much worse especially my younger one (we got in a fight and her response was “I hope you get hit by a car” when I told her not to talk to me) I also had a miscarriage the day before my mom told me of her diagnosis. I don’t want to be here anymore thank god I have my boyfriend
I lost my mom on June 13th 2024 after being her caretaker for 12 years. She died and awful traumatizing death and every person I tried to call didn't answer, except my dad, but he told me that I asked for too much when I asked him to be there so I didn't have to watch my mom die alone. And so I had to watch my mom die alone, and grieve alone. Then less than 7 months later, my dad died, so any chance for him to be a better father died with him. I had to grieve him alone too. I dont really have a relationship that I can lean on. I don't really have a spouse, my friends don't understand why I can't just get past this and even say I'm not like I used to be. I just need to be around people who get it. I'm not only an adult orphan, I'm a 36 year old that feels forgotten by the world because I don't have a family, and I don't have a spouse, and it feels like at my age all my friends are too busy with their own families to be there for me. Holidays are the worst, I hate them. I just need support and to build relationships with people who get it so I dont feel so alone anymore.