r/ChildrenofDeadParents

I’m 18 years old. It’s been 10 days since I lost my mother to liver cancer. We only found out about it 2 months before she passed away. It shocked our whole family because before that, she seemed okay.

When I found out the cancer had already spread through almost 80% of her liver, I started researching everything possible. Every treatment, every medicine, every story online — anything that could maybe give her a few more years. Deep down, I already understood she probably wouldn’t fully recover, but I just wanted 1 or 2 more years with her.

But every time we went to doctors, they told us there wasn’t really any treatment left for her condition. On top of that, the medicines made her weaker.

During those two months, I cried constantly. I never lost hope though. I kept convincing myself something would happen, some miracle treatment would appear, and she would get better.

A day before she became unconscious, my father decided to take her to the hospital because she had stopped eating and was getting weaker. The hospital was around 70 kilometers from our home. Before she left, something came over me. I hugged her tightly and told her I loved her and that she would be okay. She smiled a little and replied, “Easy, I might fall.” She also told me not to worry.

I didn’t go with her because I had my final exam that day, and honestly, things didn’t seem that serious yet. I thought she would come back home after a few days.

The next day, my father called and told me to come to the hospital quickly.

When me and my little sister arrived, my mother was unconscious. She couldn’t recognize anyone or respond. I completely broke down. The doctors were giving her drips and injections, and even though she couldn’t speak, I could feel how much pain she was in. The last two months had already been extremely painful for her because of the cancer and its complications.

I stayed with her the whole time. The next day they moved her to the ICU. I stayed there too. Her condition wasn’t improving. On the third day, the doctor told us there was only a 10% chance she might recover.

That same day, my family forced me to go home and sleep because I hadn’t slept properly in almost 3 days. I went home, but something felt terribly wrong. I called my uncle and told him I wanted to go back to the hospital because I didn’t feel right. He told me I was exhausted and needed sleep. But I still couldn’t shake the feeling, so I called my cousin and asked him to take me there.

When I arrived, she was still in the ICU. I held her hand and sat beside her for about two hours. Then while I was gently patting her head, she took her last breath.

Now it’s been 10 days, and I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling. I loved my mother more than anything. We were extremely close. I told her everything. She was my comfort person.

Before she died, I used to tell my family that if anything ever happened to her, I would hurt myself. Even a week before her death, she told me that if something happened to her, I shouldn’t do anything stupid. Back then I even replied, “If God takes you, He better prepare for me too.”

I know that sounds bad now, but ever since I was a child, the thing I feared most was losing my mother.

But after seeing her final days, something changed in me.

While she was unconscious in the ICU, I hugged her and whispered in her ear that she didn’t need to worry about me anymore. I promised her I wouldn’t do anything stupid, and that I would take care of my father and little sister. After I finished talking, I saw a tear come out of her eye.

That moment changed everything for me. Since then, harming myself has completely left my mind.

What confuses me now is that I don’t feel the overwhelming grief everyone keeps warning me about. People keep telling me “it’ll hit you later,” and my friends talk to me with pity, like I’m secretly destroyed inside.

But honestly, what I mostly feel is relief that her pain is over.

She suffered so much during her final months. Watching someone you love slowly lose their strength and live in constant pain changes the way you think. Near the end, I realized keeping her alive just for my sake would’ve been selfish.

One thing that really stayed with me was when my cousin was crying beside her hospital bed saying, “Wake up, auntie, I can’t live without you.” A nurse looked at him and said, “Look at her. She’s already in so much pain, and you’re still thinking about yourself.”

That hit me deeply.

I knew for a long time that my mother was suffering. So near the end, my prayer changed. Instead of begging God to keep her alive no matter what, I prayed: “Please either heal her without pain, or take her pain away completely.”

I originally planned to write a short post, but somehow it turned into this long story.

If you read all of this, thank you. I think I just needed someone to listen.

And if anyone has advice, wisdom, or similar experiences with grief, I’d genuinely appreciate hearing them because right now I just feel confused

Because I don’t want to be the one to bring down the mood all the time and it’s nice to be able to pretend for a while.

Suddenly, I’m a “normal” teenager with two living parents.

My mom passed after 8 months of home hospice care. I stayed by her side the whole time changing sheets, holding her through the pain, and giving her what strength I had. This poem came from those hard days and nights. I just wanted to share it.

"For You and For Me"

Hey Mom, I miss you, and I wish I could’ve fixed you, The weight of your absence is starting to hit. Now that you’re gone, I can’t help but wonder, If I missed a moment or failed just a bit. Eight months I held the watch by your side, I miss changing your sheets and the things I didn’t want to try. I miss us talking of all you’d like to see, Not realizing those dreams would never come to be. I gave you my strength when your pain came like the tide, Could I have fixed you if I had more time? I can still hear you calling my name While the guilt whispers loud, wasn't it making me go insane? Yet I stayed through the nights, exhausted and sore, I just figured you'd always be there when I opened my door, Watching the kids love you, sickness ignored I couldn’t change tomorrow or settle the score. I couldn’t change fate or make the pain flee, But I held you in love not just for you, but for me. Rest now, dear Mom, where the suffering ends, In whatever comes after, where time finally bends.

My mother passed a few months ago and i cant help but want to interact with games that have something to do with a mom dying! I guess its my way of trying to cope with everything that has happened and im feeling a pull towards certain games and shows.

For example I want to replay Persona 5 and immerse myself in Futaba's Palace. And Ive really been wanting to rewatch Steven universe as well. I guess I am realizing i can connect with these characters and relate to them differently than before. I feel like its going to tear me up though but I can't stop thinking about it. Just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences.

I lost my dad when I was 10. I lost my stepdad when I was 33. I lost my mother when I was 35. I’m 36 now and I feel like everyone with living parents, regardless of age is on some little kid shit.
That’s basically the post
Sorry if that offended anybody.

for me personally it’s definitely something I struggle with, it’s probably just my depression making me feel that way but I can’t help but feel like maybe if I could have done more a better outcome could have been possible.

I (31f) and my brother (28m) lost both of our parents within 6 months. My mom rather suddenly experienced a mental health crisis that resulting in her death and then months later my dad died of natural causes. After loosing my mom my brother went to rehab and our relationship was really strong. He relapsed about a month after getting out then my dad died. My dad was the only person who knew my brother relapsed and after he died my brother lied for a while but eventually it was too obvious to hide. He’s back in rehab now but hes lashing out ob me, accusing me of not beliveing in him, bringing up wounds from our childhood and just being really rotten to me. I’ve always been the emotional punching bag for my family but my brother has never been so mean and hateful to me before. I’m posting because I’m feeling so terribly alone without my family. A year ago I had 3 people that loved me unconditionally and now I have no one. I feel so depressed knowing my brother doesn’t really care about my grief and process.

I find it extremely challenging to integrate myself into and navigate my partners family. Being an orphan while dating someone who has both parents and a healthier family dynamic is isolating at times because I notice when I'm not included even if it's not intentional, I notice that they treat my partner differently than me and center them in all things because that's their kid, and while I get it, it's extremely triggering. You spend your life walking around like a lost puppy trying to stay out of the way and not be a burden to another by just existing while longing to belong and be loved unconditionally. Small things that others wouldn't pick up on, you do, because you have a void that can never be filled. I find this so challenging and I wanted to know if anyone else feels the same way?

Well my mother died suddenly last week I have no dad and she was adopted so I have a very short family, I barely know them. But what hurts me is that my in laws although very young , younger than my mother like twenty years , they don't work , they do nothing all day ( they are divorced) haven't check out on me since the funeral, I don't think this is very normal, they seem narcicistic . At my mother's funeral my mother in law said " well I'm going to live with my BF in Cabo" with the biggest smile and I Brooke down because she was suppose to represent another mother...

So I feel very angry, I think I should.

I have to take care of paperwork and they know how to handle it better than me... of course I am taking care of it alone , but "they don't say look don't forget this or that"Since their parents died years ago they know how to handle burocracy related to death. in some circumstances I went to the bank and the worker said omg you need someone more experienced to be with you because you are still in shook and will forget everything.

as of my BF he is busy working. it's ok!

It's just so cold.

I’m curious to know how being an orphan affects your social life.

For me, the reality of having no family safety net shows up in the most frustrating ways. Take work, for example. When it comes to booking time off for holidays, I am always the last one to be considered. People just assume I have nothing to do and nowhere to go. Tbh they’re technically right 😂I don't have parents to visit or kids of my own. But it’s still incredibly alienating to always be the afterthought.

It really makes you see the unspoken hierarchy of society. It’s always immediate family, partners, and kids first. Friends are always down-prioritized at the bottom of the list. People just don't feel the need to communicate or invest in friendships the same way they do with family. I’m not angry at the world about it anymore.I don’t blame people, I just accept it as a fact of life. But it doesn't make it any less hard. I invest so much into my connections, but I rarely get that same energy back because everyone else has a primary family to go home to.

People give advice like, "Just get hobbies! Travel! Do things for yourself!" I do all of that. I have hobbies, I travel, I do all the things society tells you to do as indicators of having a "good time". I'm still not having a great time. The void is still there.

Some people tell me I should just get married and have a kid to fill the gap, but I think putting all your hopes, expectations, and emotional burdens onto an unborn child just to escape your own loneliness is completely unfair.

When I look at the big picture, it feels like I'm staring down a very long, very tiring life of isolation. Friends come and go, you can make new ones if you're motivated enough. But family isn't something that just comes and goes. You can't manifest that specific kind of unconditional love out of thin air.

I don't even know why I'm sharing this. I don't know what I'm expecting from it. When I was 13, I helplessly watched my 12 year old brother die from severe asthma. It destroyed our family. He was also a twin and it was particularly devastating. At 30 years old, while I was 9 months pregnant, I received a call that my only sister had hung herself to death when she was only 32 years old. 7 years later, my father died at 60 years old with extreme depression. Half of my immediate family was gone by the time I was 37.

I struggle to relate to others. I don't mean that to sound rude or careless. I struggle to make meaningful friendships. I feel so awkward getting to know someone when we start to share our life stories and these are mine. Most people don't know traumatic grief. These things only happen in movies to them.

I'm 41 now. I'm tired of grieving. I also think I'm really "good" at grieving now that I know it well.

I think I just needed to type that out... Thank you for reading

I don't know what to do with myself.

Well today’s the one year anniversary of my mom and I last time we were able to talk since she went into a coma the next day and passed away a week after. I initially didn’t think today would matter but as we get closer to the anniversaries, I’m noticing all the little details a little more.

I don’t know who in life to be able to talk about this with so I just thought I’d write about it here. It was a weird last day because I had a few brothers who I normally would split time in the hospital with to spend time with her throughout the day, but on that particular day, I was the only one able to make it. I spent a large chunk of the day with her and had to leave since I had to get ready for the work week. She called me a couple times on her phone and left messages wondering where I was, and I haven’t listened to them since but still have them on my phone. I know there wasn’t much I can do in hindsight but it still bums me out that I wasn’t there longer. We had no idea and the coma came out of no where. (Blood sugar dropped overnight drastically)

Anyway, a week from tomorrow will be her death anniversary as well. It was a terrible last week as we had to cut life support and the time waiting. I guess I’m just writing this to be able to write it out as I see a lot of people here do as well. Weird and sad times.

​

My dad passed to pancreatic cancer in February and I know that many people with pancreatic cancer pass quickly but even then, I was shocked. My dad passed I think around two weeks after diagnosis when he was given 1-2 years to live.

Even at the moment where i found out he has cancer when realistically, I knew what was going to happen, i still kept on with this self centred mindset that it couldn't happen to me and that he would have some sort of miracle recovery but it obviously never came.

Eventually by my dads passing I lost all of that hope because the cancer just found new ways to keep on getting worse. My dad was too weak to have any sort of treatment or even say things back to me for most of the time.

Life isn't some sort of fairytale and it took me losing my dad for me to learn that.

I miss him so much,

SJT, 1967-2026

My mother recently passed on Wednesday at the age of 75 and we are expected to bury her on Sunday. She recently was in the hospital for a month for severe anemia and an intestinal tumor. It was removed successfully and we all thought she was on the smooth path to recovery. But I guess her cardiac insufficiency flared up as a result of all this physical strain and she just couldn’t take it anymore. My father died in 2019 at 71 due to a bacterial infection. But he was an alcoholic who never took care of his health and had been declining years prior due to this.

What makes her death so hard is that not only is it recent but she was the only parent I had a normal relationship with. My father was a toxic, emotionally abusive person!

I hate the fact that a lot of their health issues suffered over the years had to do with the family dysfunction we lived in. Maybe if my father wasn’t an alcoholic and my mother wasn’t a codependent that suffered a lot taking care of him and working herself to the bone they would still be here today.

And I am also not a successful career woman with kids either. I am switching careers to be a therapist and things barely worked out with my last career. And I have yet to be engaged, married and have kids and I just feel so depressed and resentful over the fact that my mother will never see those things happen! If I knew she was going to die this year maybe I would have made better choices and would already have made the effort to obtain these things by now.

I don’t know if 34-years-old still counts as being an adult orphan, but it is strange! Most of my peers still have both living parents and the few that also have dead parents have only lost one.

Hi,

I’m 27F and I just lost my mom (68F) on the 8th of May, two days before Mother’s Day and 5 days before my 27th birthday. She was my only parent and I lived with her and my mentally disabled brother.

We were standing in the kitchen talking and my mom just collapsed, her heart stopped due to a serious V-fib episode and didn’t restart. I did CPR until the police and medics came and took over. I saw her dead, I felt bones break when doing CPR, and saw her chest expand when I gave her breaths and it wasn’t enough. She died after 5 horrible days in ICU where she had seizures and a tube in her throat.

It was a normal day until it wasn’t and all I wish I could do is hug her and tell her I love her more than anything in this world. I wish she was conscious when she passed so know if she heard me say goodbye. I feel like I’m drowning and that it will never be okay again. We were two peas in a pod and it feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, how do I keep going in life? How do I take care of my brother and myself? I can’t eat or sleep or do anything I need to like take care of her affairs because I feel so lost and scared. I feel like a lost 10 year old that no one can help and I don’t know what to do.

I need to get this out.

2 years ago I came home and my mother had taken her life. She was my best friend, my person and my home, my daughter was only 6 months old.

My dad helped me through the insane loss, they were divorced.

He helped me go through the change of my life, and myself.

2 weeks ago my dad went to bed, and didn't wake up. He donated his body to science so they don't do autopsy's. But he was sickly. My dad loved me fiercely. My parents both did but showed it in different ways. I will never ever be loved like that again.

I'm alone. I have no parents. I am an orphan. I don't know how I'm going to make it. I have severe mental health issues. I fear of dying of a broken heart. I have select wonderful people helping me through this. But I'm alone. They were to young to die. I'm to young to have no parents. My daughter won't have them.

People being positive irritates me. I feel everything and nothing.

I am having a risky surgery soon. My daughter is 1.
I want to know what or how she may think of me if things do not go well. I’m struggling to imagine I will not have an impact on her life at all. That she won’t know me.
For those who lost a parent you have no memories of, how or what do you think of them? Is there anything I can do now to help her?
I’m sorry if this is not appropriate for this sub. Please tell me if so and I apologize.

This is more of a post for people who have had parents dead for more than 10 years.

My dad died when I was 14. It has been 29 years. He died of a sudden heart attack.

Recently, I’ve been having very vivid dreams lately. I know the mind is complex, but I just find it strange I’m having this type of dream this long into my journey.

Had a dream where I find out that my dad is actually still alive. Like he had his heart attack and went to the hospital and I found out that he actually didnt die, that he wanted to divorce my mom. And I’m mad at my entire extended family from hiding it from me instead of just letting me know the truth.

I know the many reasons why I might have such a dream. I’m just wondering, does anyone else experience this? Why is my subconscious doubting that he died or having some sort of hope that he’s alive?

My dad was a great man had a shitty life but was content with it I'm 16 he was 65 love you Dad.

3-13-61 to 5-11-26