u/Hairy_Pear3963

I feel so numb and exhausted and constantly drowning. My mom passed away when I was 19 and I spent my entire 20s just grieving and carrying that trauma. Then my dad got cancer few years ago and just passed away (I’m 37 now). He was in a lot of pain and suffering so I thought when he passed, I’d feel somewhat relief but actually no. It hit me like a truck and having no living parents left is actually devastating. It’s like I lost the center of my universe, my home, my safe place … the people I’d call to bail me out of anything or ask for advice or just a hug. I have siblings and a husband but no one can replace the place of your parents. I don’t know how to move on from this. I’m angry at God sometimes. I’m bitter and jealous of friends/cousins who have both parents alive or at least one. I’m tired of just recovering from one trauma to another. I’d like to just .. exist without pain all the time. I feel like I’ve been given a shitty hand at life and like I’m carrying a huge baggage of weight while all my friends are just free to enjoy their lives and be happy and carefree. I’m just tired of life and exhausted.

My dad has been comatose for a month now and honestly we expected him to go much earlier. I wonder if he’s holding on for something for us (his kids) when he could talk in his last days, he was so worried for my sister because she’s the only one who never married and has no family. I wonder if he’s waiting to hear she will be okay or something. Did you ever experience someone waiting to hear their loved ones will be ok before they let go?

My dad had a cardiac arrest few days ago at home and had stopped breathing and had no pulse for 15 mins or so. By the time ambulance came and did cpr, it was another 15 mins so he was sort of “dead” for 30 mins. They finally got a pulse and took him to hospital and put him on life support. They told us he is not brain dead but there is a lot of brain damage and he will not wake up. They recommended we take him off life support (he had a lot of health issues prior to this and we knew he was at the end of life even before this) but we are struggling to let him go and feel that if he “came back”, he is still in there maybe. But I am confused .. did he die and come back? Why would God bring someone back just to suffer on life support? Is his soul still in there? Can he hear us talking to him? Can he feel anything? Anyone know?

My dad had lung cancer stage 4 which he did chemo for and it got better but came back maybe 2 years ago. He then decided not to do chemo and it got worse and worse. For the last 6 months, I’ve seen him decline but things really sped up when he fell. He broke his hips and was in and out the ER multiple times for surgeries and other isssues. This made everything 100x worse because he became bed bound and unable to eat anything. He had a lot of end of life symptoms but my siblings and I could not agree so he was not on hospice or DNR orders.

Yesterday he suffered a cardiac arrest. His heart and pulse and breathing stopped for about 15-30 mins. Panicked, we called ambulance and they did CPR and he “came back” but he is only alive due to machines and oxygen at the ICU. My siblings obviously don’t want to “pull the plug” but I can’t watch my dad like this. He’s suffered so much already and part of me wishes he died at home peacefully with us. Maybe he did and we forcefully brought him back but shouldn’t have. We should have let him go, let him rest finally. Now he’s back in ER and hooked up to machines again and we have to eventually lose him to another cardiac arrest or unplug him. It’s an impossible decision. I’m grieving him for a long time already but still this hit me like a truck. I’m the youngest, I’m the baby and his little girl. I miss him so much but I feel like he’s gone already … I feel like we lost him already and now he’s just suffering extra. I’m devastated and numb and don’t know how to make sense of anything.

My dad had lung cancer stage 4 which he did chemo for and it got better but came back maybe 2 years ago. He then decided not to do chemo and it got worse and worse. For the last 6 months, I’ve seen him decline but things really sped up when he fell. He broke his hips and was in and out the ER multiple times for surgeries and other isssues. This made everything 100x worse because he became bed bound and unable to eat anything. He had a lot of end of life symptoms but my siblings and I could not agree so he was not on hospice or DNR orders.

Yesterday he suffered a cardiac arrest. His heart and pulse and breathing stopped for about 15-30 mins. Panicked, we called ambulance and they did CPR and he “came back” but he is only alive due to machines and oxygen at the ICU. My siblings obviously don’t want to “pull the plug” but I can’t watch my dad like this. He’s suffered so much already and part of me wishes he died at home peacefully with us. Maybe he did and we forcefully brought him back but shouldn’t have. We should have let him go, let him rest finally. Now he’s back in ER and hooked up to machines again and we have to eventually lose him to another cardiac arrest or unplug him. It’s an impossible decision. I’m grieving him for a long time already but still this hit me like a truck. I’m the youngest, I’m the baby and his little girl. I miss him so much but I feel like he’s gone already … I feel like we lost him already and now he’s just suffering extra. I’m devastated and numb and don’t know how to make sense of anything.

TLDR: my sister and I have been caring for my dad who was diagnosed with cancer few years ago. During the summer he did chemo, it was hell for him and us. Then he got better for a little while and it came back again. So last summer as well, we were pretty hands on doing caregiving and exhausted already. But this summer things just got 10x worse since he fell and needed to be hospitalized twice and needed 3 surgeries. He’s been declining so far and has had a lot of end of life symptoms and hospital palliative recommended hospice. My siblings are not interested so that’s a dead convo.

But he needs around the clock care right now and we only have 1 aide who comes for a few hours in mornings. After that it’s all us, cleaning after poop and pee and feeding and the constant reassuring when he has agitation or hallucinations. We also work full time jobs and this has taken over all of our lives. I’m exhausted physically and mentally. My siblings who he lives with hasn’t slept a full night for the past 30 days. I am getting so exhausted sometimes I feel I’m about to snap at my dad but then I feel sooo guilty. But I’m human too. I get tired of explaining something 100 times or dealing with him getting mad at me even though we’re taking care of him at the expense of our mental and physical health. I know they said he might not even make it another 2-3 months and I feel awful and I will be devastated when it’s his time. But I cannot go on like this either. I know he’s also in a lot of pain too. I hate the person I’m becoming because I don’t wanna be mean to my dad at the end of his life. But I also am running out of patience and I am completely
Burnt out.

My dad has stage 4 cancer and things rapidly declined over the past month after he fell. He had hip surgery once but fell again a few days later and actually had 3 diff procedures. But since the first hospital stay, he’s been declining. He’s confused and sometimes agitated although the agitation is less when he’s at home. But he has I guess what’s called delirium, he sees people or things that aren’t there. Sometimes he forgets who we are. He often calls out to my mom who passed many years ago.

Along with this he has many other end of life symptoms. He cannot really swallow and is on a puree only diet but even then, he has 0 apetite so he eats few spoons of food or liquids a day. He has what sounds like a death rattle for a week now, lung doctors say it’s just congestion. He’s lost so much weight he’s basically all bones now. And he’s also bed bound obviously from the many hip surgeries. He often thinks he’s already dead or dying soon. He used to be able to tell us when he needed to to the bathroom but now sometimes he can’t? His skin around the hands look little mottled but he’s also been getting pricked a lot for IV at the hospital. My siblings will not hear about hospice so we are not in a hospice program. But I’m not sure what to expect. Can he make a recovery or is this it? I feel like I’m just waiting for that phone call one day or the worst thing to happen and the anticipatory grief is killing me. We are all so exhausted and watching my last living parent die is painful beyond words.

My dad’s been diagnosed with cancer for a while but for the last 6 months or so, it’s been really bad. He’s in a lot of pain and basically bedridden after a bad fall and surgery. We’ve been to the ER twice in the last 2 weeks and it’s very extremely hard for me and my siblings … especially since we also lost our mom few years ago. I have some extended family in the area who live an hour away and no one has really checked in that much. One aunt calls but doesn’t visit. What hurts is that whenever something happens with them, we always call, visit, bring food, etc. but we don’t get the same treatment I guess. Even friends who I am not that close to have been texting every few days to see how I am or if I need anything. But my cousins who I thought I was close to and we are blood related, haven’t called in the two weeks or texted much less visit or drop off food. Am I expecting too much? I think after this is over and if my dad is around or not, I want to completely cut them off.

My dad has late stage cancer and recently had a fall that made him become bedridden. He’s also developed some delirium and dementia like symptoms as well. Today though he really scared he. He kept saying there is a door next to his head with a knob and there’s also light coming out of it. He kept asking where are the doors in his bedroom so he knows how to go. We asked where are you going? He said he doesn’t know.

I also asked if he saw my mom recently (she passed many years ago) and he said yes he saw her twice today. I asked if she asked him to come with him? He said no, but he was walking behind her or something. He saw my mom like he’d seen her when they were teenagers and in love. I’m really worried about all these. Is he just having mental confusion or are these common signs?

Currently helping care for my elderly dad with cancer and he recently fell and had to get surgery which made things even worse. I am considering taking either intermittent time off or like 1-2 weeks off to help care for him more but not sure how family leave works? I’ve been at my job over 4 years so I qualify. But I also am scared of job security since it’s layoffs all around and stuff. Should I just use PTO since I have 2-3 weeks accrued or should I try to take family leave? What’s the FMLA process, I go through HR or the NJ state site thanks for any help

My dad has stage 4 cancer which started from lungs and he got better after chemo. But it came back last year and spread somewhat to stomach and other areas. He recently fell and broke his hip and had to get hip surgery. After the surgery, medically he’s fine like blood test, lungs, heart are fine. But he cannot walk and needs a lot of physical therapy and he’s having a lot of mental confusion. He also can’t eat much, they have him on a puree diet and he eats very little these days.

The hospital wants to discharge him soon and is asking us for a plan but we are so lost, exhausted, confused, emotional and everything. Hospice has been thrown around by some of the doctors. Some tell us to go to a rehab facility. Some say we can take him home but with live in nurse. I’d love to take him home, he’s been asking to go home for days. But I don’t know if we can care for him the way the hospital is with the feeding, medications, around the clock care, cleaning after pee poop. I considered rehab but hearing so many horror stories about them and how they treat people so bad, people get worse there. And hospice, I don’t think we are ready for that even though the palliative doctor said he may have only 6 months left. Can anyone office advice please, can’t think straight. Thank you