u/MorganArthur93

Hi folks,

Feel like I'm losing my mind a bit. I'm 33 and I lost my dad in 2021 to cancer, then my mum was diagnosed the same year and she died in 2023.

I cared for them both when they were ill, though when my dad was ill, my mum of course was there to help and she was with him longer. Due to Covid restrictions I was only with him for the last 2 months or so. She fought and fought and fought to get him seen by doctors when they were all ignoring his symptoms.

2020 to 2024 was literally: cancer - dad died - went through dad's death admin - got dad's probate - mum diagnosed this same month (was literally getting mum to sign withdrawal forms for dad's bank accounts just after her own diagnosis) - then mum passed - then had to sell mum and dad's house, clear out all their memories and correct probate solicitor's mistakes and all that.

Throughout all of this and now I was working full time. Lucky enough to work from home but obviously during busy periods I'd be working 14 hour days for weeks while my parents were ill and they were sometimes telling me they wanted to die. I'd just have to crack on with work.

I'm wondering if now, it's starting to catch up with me. I get very frustrated at work pretty much every day. I know this is my own fault for not speaking up, but I don't think people at work really understood how bad things got, and sometimes still do. Like having the most horrifying dreams about my parents being ill then waking up and logging on as if nothing happened. I've looked it up and the consensus seems to be possible burnout. But I am just so sick of being constantly angry when I'm sat at work. I've even had time of rejected - because I don't have kids and people need time off cos they can't get childcare - not only does it make me feel worthless, like my time off isn't worth anything because I have no family - but it makes me angry too - I managed to work full time while caring for dying parents. So it's like they've definitely forgotten what I went through.

I definitely didn't get like this before mum and dad got ill.

I also get frustrated at the fact that - amongst the people I know (I know there are many people younger than me who have lost parents) - I'm the only one in my position. My friends are all older than me and have parent/s alive. None of them check in on me on Mother's or Father's day. I just cant relate to anyone I know and I hate it. Whenever I'm sat with friends I just want to get up and leave.

Thanks for reading, I guess I just wanted to vent.

I (early 20s) recently moved into a new flat in Manchester after saving for a long time. It's my first place that's really felt like "mine," and I've put a lot of effort into making it a home.

A close friend has asked if she, her husband, and their two young children can stay with me for two nights while they're visiting the area in August.

For context, she's genuinely a great mum, and her kids are lovely. They're just at that age where they touch everything, make a mess and climb everywhere.

The problem is that I really value my home being a calm space. I live alone.

I feel guilty because I know my friend isn't doing anything wrong by asking, and if I say no she'll need to pay for a hotel or make other arrangements. But at the same time, the thought of hosting four extra people in a fairly small flat for two nights fills me with dread rather than excitement.

I haven't told her any of this. I just don't think I want to host overnight guests, especially a whole family.

AITA if I politely say no?