Assalamu alaikum! I’m a revert of a couple years, finally in a point where I feel I want marriage and am making dua for jt. A sister reached out to offer her brother and I am open to having meeting with anyone to see if there is good compatibility and pray on it for if it is the right match because of course that is how these things are done. She told me some basic info about him and I’m sure she told him about me like my job, I have a young child etc. and wish to stop my work after marriage because although it is good job there is unavoidable free mixing (am a nurse) and want to focus on learning Deen and my raising well my child and pleasing my husband.
Anyways, from the start they have pushed for us to text, meet out somewhere to talk etc. I have pushed that I think I need to figure out a wakil, talk to my local imam before moving to any conversation. Every time I bring this up I get push back most recent it seems she’s passing along from her brother ‘Please mention you’ll be joining us(the sister). If we feel it is a good fit and decide to move forward, we will arrange for an Imam or sheik to act as her wali”. Honestly it’s frustrating and makes me question myself.
It seems that their stance that the Wali simply come in to do negotiations on exact contract terms, but my understanding and hope is that a Wali will be as a filter sorting if someone is good on their religion and looking into their background, meeting them perhaps asking them some more difficult questions to give a good assessment if it will be a good fit. I understand it is not that we are supposed to decide for ourselves it is a good fit and then just have somebody write a contract. I don’t understand why any Muslim has a problem to immediately have Wali involved? It seems to be a continuously difficult situation that following the strict way of doing marriages is seen as being difficult but I don’t want to be with someone if we do not follow this correctly because what can marriage be if you’re not doing it strictly by Allah’s rules?