Deadbed and Sex Chocolate
Throw away account since husband looks at my main account
Long story short, the title is the dilemma.
Me (33F) and one of my best friends came home from a short trip to the beach this past weekend.I am a SAHM and severely needed the respite. We left on a Friday to then return on Sunday (yesterday). Husband (34M) stayed home with our 1 year old son so I could refresh. Yesterday morning he asked what time we would be home. I said 4pm because my friend and I planned to go soak up some last minute sun before our 2hr drive home. Well as we were packing to check out of the hotel, her and I talked about how tired and burned we were from the previous day at the beach. We decided it was best to just to go home early and skip laying out on the beach. I didn't let my husband know bc I didn't think it would have been an issue. Just a simple time change.
So we arrived home at 2pm instead of 4pm. We came in through the hallway garage door since the outside garage door was open upon our arrival. As I walked in, I saw my husband scrambling and jumped up from the couch (its right in view of the door once you open it) and hid behind the wall. I froze and then proceeded to call out to ask if he was dressed since my friend was with me. He jumped out from behind the wall to snag his shirt from the couch and went back into hiding. It was a big awkward moment. Once he was dressed, I greeted him to which he curtly said "Hi". And walked past me to our sons room. Later on I privately asked why he was shirtless (and what I assumed was fully naked since he jumped up and hid) he said he didn't want our friend seeing him without a shirt. Which I totally get. However, he also said he was shirtless bc it was hot in the house. The thermostat was set to 68 degrees. It was cold inside.
I was a bit uncomfortable bc I feel like I walked in on something strange taking place. For the sake of my friend who had parked her car at our house for the weekend, I pretended like nothing happened. I didn't want to draw more attention to the situation. Doing so may have made both her and my husband more embarrassed.
My husband was kind of in a quiet mood which isn't abnormal but also kind of is. Overall, something seemed off with the vibe.
Well, fast forward to today. I was getting ready in our shared walk-in closet when I noticed the open tin of Alice sex chocolate I bought him a few months ago. I bought it for him, but really I bought it for us bc we have sex literally every 6 months or so. 9/10 times I am the one to initiate. Our sex life is dead and I seem to be the only one trying to mend it. I wanted to initiate a new and fun way to enjoy each other again. Hoping this could be a little ice breaker to get back on the wagon. After I showed it to him, he pretty much brushed it off and said he didn't trust it. It then sat on his closet shelf for months. So to find out he took it while I wasn't home hurt me.
The day before he's frantic and half naked on the couch. And today I find missing sex stimulating chocolate. I asked him why he took it. And he said he wanted to test its efficacy. He also said he wanted to time it so its effects worked as I was getting home. But I came home early to find him naked on the couch while our son was napping. Hours before I was subject to being home. I feel as if I am being lied to. Deep down I feel like I walked in on him masturbating on the couch while sexually aroused from the chocolate I bought him to enjoy with me.
I am currently 6 months pregnant, a SAHM, and the last time we had sex was the day we conceived this baby (unplanned).
I feel so sad. Hurt. Confused. And genuinely crushed. He makes no effort or initiation for intimacy. He says he tired, yet he makes time gym and meal prep, and do everything else. I dont feel like a priority or even desirable anymore. I already feel like I've lost myself during motherhood since I quit my career to be home with the kids. I keep gaining weight for this pregnancy, it continues to tear down my self-esteem. I want to cry.
What do I do?