I'm experiencing bodily functions and I don't know how to feel about it..
Figured this would be the place to go cuz I feel super uncomfortable asking anyone I know irl. Apologies if this isn't the right subreddit tho, I never use this app..
So I (20f) am asexual and know very little about sex and sex stuff. Like. I didn't know until this past year or so that masturbating isn't something that just guys do... And after learning that, I realized I've experienced it too. It's always made me feel uncomfy, and knowing that it's masturbation makes me doubly uncomfortable. I don't like how it feels. Nothing needs to be coming in or out of me in that area please and thank you. What I don't understand tho, is why exactly I experience it when I do.
I've tried to like research I guess?? But can't really find what exactly I'm experiencing. I know people can read smut and whatnot and that can lead to masturbating, but I don't read smut or anything sexual. I try to avoid it at all costs, again that stuff makes me really uncomfy for whatever reason. But I like to read fiction and angst and sometimes it'll happen and I really don't like it, but I still like to read what I read. Some things I've read involve like, kidnapping, mind control, loss of oneself, things like that. Is it normal for these things to trigger masturbation?? Why does it do that? Is there a way to not? I feel gross and shameful when it happens. Some of the things I've read have main characters that are teens and that makes me feel icky when I really think about this. It's not the characters themselves, but the situation/experiences they find themselves in that trigger it I think? Or is that just me trying to make myself feel better? Am I gross? Am I bad for experiencing this? I am 20 now and my hyper fixation for the past few years has main characters in their teens, so I feel like this is heading into not ok territory and I don't know what to think about this.
Any explanations and/or advice would be greatly appreciated. Just. Please be kind if you can?