u/Current-Bison-6430

I am at my wits end. I am on a 21 day wash out from Xeloda. I was looking forward to it. My feet were going to be healed and pain-free for the first time in four years. I was going to take my dog on walks and go to a swim aerobics class.

I had a fractured rib from a cold, and today I sneezed, and now it's exponentially more painful. I fear I have broken the rib.

I have a bone scan on Tuesday and a biopsy Wednesday, and I can't even shower or dress myself right now. I am so sick of chemo and cancer, and my lovely little recovery time is as broken as my rib. I am gutted. My in-laws visit tomorrow, I had a facial booked for Monday. it's all going to be so difficult now. I want to scream, and my husband is being disconnected and fatigued by my "negativity." He didn't acknowledge my cancerversary, and I dont know what I wanted, but I wanted something. Boof.

If I were to go into the ER, is there anything they can even do? My understanding is that a broken rib sorts itself out more or less.

I am so tired of menopause and cancer and chemo and bullshit. Womps womps. But really, this rib bullshit on my magical break? Boooo!

Is there anyone on chemos and a GLP 1 simultaneously? I am debating starting wegovy because of early indicators it may suppress cancer (and I have gained a ton since dx.) I am hoping it may help with my fatty liver too but cant imagine more GI upset then the xeloda is dealing...

Anyone with insight?

I had scans today and some unusual but pointed questions at my bone scan. It left me more on edge than before.

I stopped at the cafeteria with my mother between appointments, and we were dialoguing about it. An older woman who was the spitting image of an animated elderly kind and wise crone was ahead of us. She couldn't figure out how to use the self check out, and neither could the woman helping so it was a bit of a wait. Afterward, she approached me and told me she felt called to ask me my first name so that she may pray for me (pretty thoroughly deconstructed evangelical here.) I winced and said, "Oh no. No, thank you. No thanks." (I normally have more bandwidth, but my mother had taken what little reserve I had left.)

I regret not just accommodating her. I'd be lying if I didn't think I just failed a very old test. Worried I will be turned into a beast and found a rogue chin hair to support that fear. Or that I just worsened my scan odds.

I told my sister and she berated me as did my mother albeit gently.

I know she was well meaning, but I hate the notion of praying for people like it's a matter of getting enough people (or the right people) to appeal my fate. Though preferred, I suppose to my mother, who is very evangelical and staunchly refuses to pray for me, because no one deserves cancer instead of me (even though she thinks the president is the literal anti Christ. Also, I dont think it works like a Yankee swap!)

What's the worst thing you've said to a stranger in connection to your cancer or the most unhinged thing someone has said to you about it?

I dont have pain free days anymore.

I cant walk without bleeding.

I am no longer confident that I won't shit myself in public (hasnt happened yet but its been too scary close.)

Pools. Soaking in water.

Comfortably navigating uneven terrain.

Sandy beaches.

Driving.

Fuck cancer.

What did you take for granted?

Anyone go NEAD after an intravenous chemo? Are there people who have a long time on an IV chemo? I might be due for the switch and I would love a boost of hope.

What are your scam superstitions?

I have scans tomorrow to see if my current chemo is still effective. The last two blood checks show mild but odd behaviour in the liver.

I am very nervous.

My MRI music will be Peter Gabriel.

Every time the machine tells me to breathe in, Ill inhale "health" and exhale "cancer"

My daughter is giving me a good luck pedicure and my other daughter a good luck "tattoo"

I might take an edible to take the edge off.

Nerve wracking.

Someone from my support group just passed away. I knew she was struggling but had just seen her and she seemed like she still had a lot of fight left in her. She underwent a surgery and I thought would have a renewed chance. I don't know what happened but am deeply curious.

She was as opposite of me as she could get, and had always chased quackery alongside her traditional therapy but I am still shook by this. I have scans coming up in three weeks and just finished and intense round of Xeloda and this just adds a weird heavy layer of additional anxiety.

She had half the time I had. Her daughter is younger. She deserved more time. I feel something adjacent to guilt. I never approved of her social media supporting things like ivermectin but always wanted her to see the light and have plenty of time.

Fuck cancer, man.

Hey all. I am in the second week and 70th round of Xeloda... needless to say, I. Am. Struggling.

My husband just came down to bandage my feet. He has been dieting and exercising the last few months, and looks great. I fussed and fawned over him in his new shirt.

I, on the other hand, have gained weight like crazy since diagnosis, had an uncomfortable shit-cident with this higher dosage of Xeloda, and generally look and feel miserable.

I am seething with jealousy and anxiety, and I am struggling to overcome it. I am happy for him but am so envious and worried he's going to leave (he fell into a crush with a woman he worked with a year and a half ago that is what it was/is. Allegedly not happening anymore and purely emotional, but I'll never know, and he's been messy with women if not outright unfaithful more than once during our 20 yr relationship.)

It's his birthday tomorrow, and I dont have the energy to do anything for it and just feel like having a pity party tonight, I guess.

I've always been envious of his general good health, and this 2.0 version is great for our kids and my dog and him and for me by extension, but I kind of hate it, too. I would just love a week of not having cancer, let alone any of the other. I feel churlish and sick and sick of myself. I am making a psych appointment, but is there any advice for shaking off this gross angst? Anyone who can relate?

Hey guys!

This week I am asking my oncologist to go back up to my full dosage for xeloda. This will be approximately my 70th cycle (3 yrs.) What's the current record for this? I tried googling the all-time high and couldn't find an answer. What are the high scores in the group if you dont mind me prying?

Thanks!

Hi all!

This is hopefully a long way off, but I want to ask some input from families and especially children of cancer pts.

I am stage IV and doing ok-ish now. I have been married to my husband for 17 years, and there have been plenty of ups and downs. It has been a lot harder the last 3 years, but we are navigating and figuring it out.

I had originally always wanted to redo our wedding. We did it bigger and his way the first time for his family with no honeymoon because we traveled to his family to get married. I wanted something more intimate and went so far as to push an elopement and a big trip, and we had decided to do it for our 10 year anniversary. That year, I received my de novo stage IV diagnosis, so we weren't able to.

I kind of want to do a death wedding (a black dress would've suited me better anyway) now when it's time for hospice or maybe when I transition to intravenous? An intimate ceremony and releasing my husband to find love again? I wonder if it would be a twist on what we originally planned that might make it easier for my kids to accept him moving on later while also being a celebration of life and family? We dont plan on a traditional funeral for many reasons, and why have a big to do about me that I dont even get to enjoy? My girls were 5 and 7 when I was diagnosed and are 12 and 15 now.

Has anyone heard of anything like this? Does it sound crazy or uncomfortable?

I saw my daughters middle school play last night and another actress stepped on her lines or so I thought! My daughter actually flubbed and said one of hers too early cutting the other girl off by a sentence. This is how Jamie Tacos start...

I have a friend from work who also has stage IV cancer. We aren't that close anymore, and it's largely because of how he is navigating and dialoguing about his illness. He is going 40% traditional 60% ivermectin, fenbendazole, holistic... That by itself is his journey and business, and I want everyone to feel like they have agency and choice in their treatments.

That being said, he fancies himself an influencer, and the way he talks about our local oncology team is so disrespectful.

They could never handle what hes going through.

They're so ignorant and dismissive of holistic 'miracles.'

They just talk instead of provide solutions.

I can not abide this rhetoric. I owe my life to this oncology team. He has offered to come with me to set them straight when I wasn't feeling well because he feels their more interested in sickness than in health. Needless to say, I politely declined.

I feel guilty being distant (though I dont know that he even notices tbh.) Theres also a small part of me that wonders how honest he's being with his platform. I wonder if I should try and post responses because he gives chemo and local medical teams such a bad name, but I dont know that it wouldn't fall on deaf ears. There's a morbid curiosity that keeps me watching his posts but not feeling very sympathetic, and I feel guilty about that, too. Do I just unfollow and unsubscribe? We would still run into each other at the church we both attend, but maybe hed make me less bonkers in that space if I didn't know how he was being outside of it? Anyone going through something similar?