Feeling disturbed and guilty (TW: underage r*pe fanfiction topic)
In 2024 I joined a new fandom and prior to that, I was never exposed to proshipping and had no idea what it was until I joined said fandom. I stumbled upon AO3 and began reading normal fics. There was this one character I was really into and so when I went to go look for fics featuring him, I stumbled on one that was Dead Dove and it was not only my mistake for missing the tag but moreso for reading it to completion despite being disturbed. This was because it began normally and then once the character began to assault the other character depicted as a teen (both characters from the fandom are originally adults, the author aged one of them down), I felt disturbed, yet kept reading. At the time, I simply closed the tab and moved on. It wasnt until this year where I suspect I may have developed some sort of moral OCD where I've spent hours ruminating on me having read this and even worse after finding out that fiction on that topic is on the grounds of VCSAM which is disgusting to even think about (though I'm unsure if by written VCSAM they mean fictional stories on real minors or they also count fictional stories on fictional minors). I'm unsure how to move on from this and I know reassurance is ineffective but I need to know I'm not alone since I've seen ex-proshippers here and they're not shunned (This account is a throwaway btw). Since this incident, I've never engaged with said proship fics and always am extremely careful to read the tags prior. And prior to this and even now, I've never been a proshipper and never will be. I also reported this fanfic but it was only after I began to ruminate on the fact I engaged in this, despite those kinds of fics being legal where I'm from and that reporting wont do anything.
TL;DR I missed a Dead Dove tag and read a adult/teen fanfiction and feel inmense guilt and shame ever since.