I don’t think anybody cares
it’s like I’ve been stuck in a loop of chronic laziness that I can’t get to go away. I know I’m smart and that I’m capable, and I’m sure my mom knows too but it’s like everyone is giving up on me and I can’t blame them when I’m just giving up on myself. They all know the beatings barely did anything and it was mostly my cousin and friends believing in me that made me think I could pull through for myself but over these last few months I’ve realized that school is just not for me. I have no motivation whatsoever and the only reason I get up in the morning and dress up and to go see my friends and have fun. I love learning but it’s the homework that always gets to me PLUS (my underlying mental condition that I have yet to figure out what it actually is) just makes me give up on even trying. But it’s getting worse cause I’m not even doing the CLASSWORK. I usually always do my classwork because it use to be fun to learn. but now all I do is fall asleep or scroll on my phone/ipad. maybe it is my devices. but even when i don’t use them i just stare off into space and wait for the period to end. maybe it’s summer coming up and I’ve switched to that mindset? I really want to actually talk to someone who can give me advice instead of saying that school is everything. I’m starting to hate it. I love education but the school system sucks and it feels society’s standards keep getting higher for girls like me that are minorities. I HAVE to get good grades, I HAVE to look a certain way, I HAVE to act a proper way because if I don’t, I’ll be nothing. But I know I’m way more than that. I know school isn’t everything but it’s all I have to do. I’m a kid. School is my job. but I hate my job and I want to quit it so BAD!!! I want to be free to do want I want, when I want , and how I want. But that’s not how the world works. ESPECIALLY for someone that looks like me. and I haven’t even gotten to the real stuff yet, which makes me even more MAD because it ALWAYS GETS WORSE!!! I HATE SCHOOL, I HATE SOCIETY, I HATE RASICT, I HATE SEXIST, AND I HATE BEING BORN THIS WAY. BUT ITS NOT EVEN LIKE MY LIFE IS THAT BAD. but I know it’s gonna get worse because the works is literally crumbling before my eyes and I’m supposed to to just sit down and get good grades and let the adults handle it but the adults aren’t even doing anything because everyone is stuck in this capitalistic, patriarchal loop of working till we drop. by the time I become an adult prices will be sky high and job salaries will remain the same as they did years ago and harder to get. I feel like I’m never gonna amount to anything no matter how hard I try because it’s seems this country and world I’m living in isn’t gonna get better anytime soon and I keep getting videos on my for you page to support and fight for causes but no adult is actually fighting and getting out there because they can’t afford to lose their jobs and lose everything they work for and the people that depend on them. we’re stuck and it’s killing me. I’m only 14 man. and I already feel like my life is ending. maybe that’s the real reason why I can’t get myself to do anything that has to do with school after all. because I don’t want to live a life where I’m purposefully oblivious to the world around me because I have to get back to working to spend money that eventually goes back to the 1% of billionaires that’s killing all of us slowly. I would rather die.