I can’t stop thinking about my ex
My (30 F) ex-boyfriend (32 M) share a child together. My ex and I met when I was a freshman in high school was a cheerleader and he was a football player and our paths crossed often. We were high school sweethearts. He was my first everything. When I was 17, I got pregnant and had his first baby. We stayed together until my freshman year of college when I found out he’d been cheating on me.
Initially, I was devastated. I hated him, but after a while, the heartache subsided and we were able to coparent. We have had an excellent coparenting relationship, but have kept an arms length between us until a few months ago at our daughters track meet when I happen to be there by myself and he happened to be there by himself so we decided to sit together. For three hours, we sat next to each other joking and laughing. We reminisced and flirted. We were talking and cheering for our daughter together. it was fun. I didn’t realize I missed having access to him like that. It has been 10 years since we broke up and something about that track meet and the conversation that we had created this new tension between us.
Since then, he’s added me on his socials. He’s super flirty with me when he comes to pick up our daughter. Yesterday when he came to pick her up she wasn’t ready so he and I hung out on the porch a chatted. He brought up our break up and told me that he would love a chance to sit down and really just talk to me. Honestly, there is a part of my heart that is still soft for him. The way he looks at me makes me kind of want to know what he has to say. I feel the tension building between us emotionally and sexually. I just can’t go there with him again. It took so much for me to get past that heartbreak and rebuild myself and this life for me and my daughter and I don’t want to blow our lives up…but I’m kind of thinking about it. I’ve been acting like I don’t notice how flirty we’ve been. I’ve excused it as us just being friendly. I pretend I don’t notice him eye fucking me. I pretend like I don’t enjoy it. But the truth is if he and I were left alone, and I was sure no one else would find out especially our daughter I would ride him into the sunset. I guess I just needed to admit it somewhere.