Confused about my gender once again
Hello! I have been identifying as nonbinary (genderfluid, in particular, but they/them exclusively) and have always described myself as being a pretty boy rather than a masculine woman. Tbh never woman, never man, occasionally a girliepop, and usually boy. It’s been really tough lately, though. I’ve been really dysphoric, but there’s not really a way to fix it. I don’t want to go on T, because I’m pretty sure THAT would make me dysphoric, but I can’t hide the fact that I have curves. There’s some aspects about them I’m fine with, but I used to be more “twink-like” (about 5 years ago) than I am now.
I desperately want to go by they/he pronouns, and have swapped over in bios and stuff, but I’m terrified I’ll actually like having he used for me. Also, struggling with family stuff a lot, because they consistently invalidate me and refuse to use my pronouns. They also don’t give me an option to not dress feminine when I go to family events. Like it’s never an option to wear pants or a masc outfit. Always dresses. Sunday I broke down at home after going to a family party and absolutely lost it.
On the genderfluid spectrum I feel more agender/masc rather than fem/masc. But I struggle with not feeling pretty when I am masc presenting. Does anybody have any advice how to feel pretty but also accommodate looking masculine? I’ve tried button downs with skirts and like that sometimes, but other times it’s just not working.
Ty if you got this far for reading, I know it’s a long one.