Mechanic Father no help
This has been weighing on me. I’m 45 and divorced, been single most of my life and have become a pretty handy person over the years out of necessity. My parents were high school sweethearts, had me at 18, and divorced when I was one.
Raised by mom, mostly that is. When I wasn’t living with relatives during her rehab stints or being placed in foster care homes when I had hit the end of the line with the various relatives. Dad was remarried and wasn’t in the picture much. He has said he tried to be, but mom wouldn’t show up or otherwise made it difficult. When I did visit him, my step mother wasn’t a big fan I felt when she would make comments about me or my mother and prioritize and show favoritism to my step sister her daughter. So I didn’t like visiting him, and most of my childhood we were estranged. He wasn’t even at my wedding when I was 27 because I hadn’t seen him in years. My maternal grandfather gave me away and otherwise was a father to me over the years (may he rest in peace).
So that’s the history for context. As an adult, I became a registered nurse after my divorce and had been financially successful. He said he was proud of me, but I still only saw him once, twice a year. He never calls or text me. I have historically always initiated.
This past year, I was using cokacola* and had a positive drug test. I tried to jump the hoops for the nursing board, but I’m out of money and therefore I’m no longer practicing as a nurse and gave up my license. I haven’t had a steady job, really any job, since. I’m back to the days before I became a nurse when every job interview I am either overqualified or have no direct experience. So I have been renting rooms in my house for income, driving for delivery services and intermittently waiting tables.
Dad gave me money a couple times. He’s by no means rich, and his mechanic shop, who employs one mechanic, has struggled for years according to him. However he still buys and sells lots of cars and stereo equipment and still has his vacation home in Florida (which I have been to once when I was a traveling nurse working there).
He stated these were loans, probably about $500 in total, but my situation has not improved and I’m totally hand to mouth. I have not been able to pay any of it back. He’s not the only person by far that I owe. I’ve been so broke many, many of my friends have given without wanting to be paid back. It’s embarrassing, but this has been my situation for almost a year.
Three or four months ago, my car began experiencing this very severe delayed shift. He’s talked to me several times, given me some ideas, had his mechanic look at and drive it (my father has never looked at my car himself). The mechanic thought right away I needed a new transmission. I’m still driving it. I just have to give it time to shift down when I stop before accelerating again.
I’m terrified it’s going to break down. Dad and his mechanic do not do transmissions. He sent me to the transmission shop he sends his customers to, and they told me since it is a newer car (2023, 3 years old) I’d have to take it to the dealer. Even if I had it I’m not paying $175 for a dealer mechanic to tell me I need a new transmission without even driving it or running the codes.
I’ve been doing research and there are several, non invasive things one can check and perform to see if the shifting improves before opening up the transmission, such as checking wiring and draining and replacing the fluid.
My dad told me, ‘If I were you I would take any job you can get right now because I don’t know what you’re going to do if your car breaks down’. He obviously isn’t trying to help me troubleshoot this issue.
I know that I made a seriously stupid mistake and ruined my career. My dad has never been a supportive parent to me, financially or in any other way. But he’s a freaking mechanic for Gawd’s sake! And he won’t even take a basic look over my car to help? It could be a simple loose wire. Am I deserving of this, what I feel is neglect, because of my bad choices that cost me my career and good income?