It feels like I'm my own worst enemy, I sabotage my life and then cry about it.
I lost my first job that I prayed for last year. I am unemployed since 7 months, in a foreign country where my visa is in jeopardy.
Why did I loose the job? Because I was late submitting few tasks, because it was paralysing to start the task on time, because when I finally started, it was already too late to finish it on time.
This paralysis is literally ruining my life. When I don't get interviews, I cry about it. Okay it's logic until here. But when I do get the interviews, I can't start the preparation on time? seriously? that serious consequence? and I still can't do the action that is literally supposed to save it all?
I had an interview yesterday afternoon, postponed it in the morning as off course I was too late in preparation and needed more time.
Does it happen to you too? that you feel so paralysed about things that you just can't start? no matter how serious the consequences are? or am I the only one ruining their own life?
I am at the start of my career and I am so scared, if everything continues like this, will I be ever able to get a job? will I be ever able to do well in it and be a reliable person who can finish projects on time?
I have so many hopes and dreams and I am the only hurdle that's between them.