I need outside perspectives because I genuinely don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if this friendship dynamic is actually weird.
I have a friend who moved alone to my city from another city, because she wanted to start studying at my university. In the beginning, I helped her a lot with the move — putting furniture together, helping her settle in, being there for her, etc. I never did any of that to hold it over her head or expect something back. To me, that’s just what you do for people you care about.
Later on, life got busy for both of us. I had clinical placement/practice almost every day and barely even had time for my own siblings. She knew this because I told her whenever we talked. So naturally I understood that we wouldn’t talk as much for a while.
But over time, her behavior toward me became really strange. Every time I called, she either wouldn’t answer at all, would call back several days later, or just never respond. What bothered me wasn’t even the missed calls themselves — it was the complete lack of communication. No “hey I’m busy, I’ll call you later,” no quick text, nothing. Even when I’m extremely busy, I still send people a short message out of basic respect.
At first I tried not to take it personally. Then I noticed she had removed me from Instagram and Discord. I ignored the Instagram part because she deactivates accounts sometimes, so I didn’t think deeply about it. But today I realized she had actually removed me on Discord too, and that felt intentional because you have to manually do that.
The weirdest part happened today. I joined a Discord call/server where she was there, and she immediately went “omg hi!!” super excited. Other people asked if we knew each other, and she said “that’s my best friend.”
And honestly… that confused me so much.
Because privately, I can barely get a response from her. She removes me on apps, ignores calls for days, and makes communication feel impossible. But publicly, suddenly I’m her “best friend”?
That’s the part that’s messing with my head. I don’t expect constant contact from friends. People get busy. But I do expect basic communication and consistency. If someone treats me distant privately but acts super close publicly, it starts feeling fake or performative.
Am I overreacting for feeling hurt and confused by this? And am I the one to talk to her about it or should I just match her energy