r/SomaliRelationships

I'm a single man who lives alone and honestly, I hate chores. Instead, I opted out to get a cleaning service done 1-2x a month, it has greatly helped me in so many ways. I've known my cleaner for months and she's been nothing but amazing.

The issue is, the girl I'm talking to isn't too fond of it. She's doesn't approve of it and feels it's inappropriate to have women enter my home as a single man. She said she wouldn't want to have a cleaning service when she's married, either.

I told her we both work, we can just split the cost and never have to think about chores again to focus on ourselves. She still didn't want it. Tbh, I feel like it's more that my cleaner is a woman than anything else.

So question to the group -

• Would you hire a cleaning service if you lived alone?

• To the ladies: Would a single man who's got a cleaning service be a good or bad thing?

• To the ladies: Would you get one when you're married?

Edit: I've lived for years solo as a post college grad, I know how to take care of myself.

I'm a somali girl in her 30s. In the past nearly 2 years, Alhamdulilah I dealt with a lot -so I haven't had a stable job, mostly contracted work. I went through something that honestly effected me a lot, Alhamdulilah.

At the moment I've been looking for work for about a month. I want a completely change careers. (I don't want to disclose what I did before, because reddit is a bit bait and I realised people I know maybe on here)

I was wondering whether or not to keep looking or wait until I get a job(in sha Allah).

Do men judge?

Last year, i was talking to someone and i was in between jobs because i had to leave to take care of a parent.

I told him that we weren't compatible in a nice way and his clap back was mentioning my employability status. I thought that is weird. I didn't take anything by it, allahuma barik i found work straight after. However, i don't want to go back to that line of work,so in terms of job hunting at the moment, I have no idea what Allah will bring.. All i know is life is too short for stress.

I keep thinking, I need to sort this out before talking to someone , but calaf whether a man or job is from Allah.

What should I do?

Edit: I actually asked a sincere question, please don't DM me with sagachanimo.

Assalamualaikum guys hope you are having good day okay guys I’ve been having some really weird feelings lately and I honestly don’t know who to talk to about them and I don’t really want to tell my friends because they see me as the person who always has it together I’m usually the one giving everyone else advice so I don’t really like showing people my lowest points only my mom knows, she’s my best friend and she gave me very good advice!! So um I was actually the one who ended everything We just weren’t compatible and there were things about how he treated me that I wasn’t okay with especially when it came to respecting my boundaries I don’t want to get into too much detail cause gotta stay quiet on creek 👀🫣 but there were definitely things that made me realize this wasn’t something I wanted
after it ended I prayed about it and genuinely asked Allah to help me get this person out of my mind I deleted our chats got rid of everything and just got busy with my own life Gym, school, work, family, everything. I wasn’t sitting around thinking about him (cause man I have a life and life is short!!) Then randomly… I miss him…… It ended maybe two or three months ago so it’s not like this happened yesterday. I’ll be completely fine and then suddenly this person pops into my head and I’m like why am I even thinking about you??
And the weirdest part is whenever I miss this person, I NEVER reach out Like nope Why would I talk to that person?? I know why I ended things and I know the reasons I walked away. Missing someone doesn’t suddenly make all of that disappear and icl I’ve also talked to other people since then and I’ve met other people, but I just don’t feel the same spark that I felt with this person. something about him felt special to me and I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s not like I haven’t tried talking to other people either, it just doesn’t feel the same. Sometimes I wonder if it’s just because it’s not the right time Like maybe I’m not supposed to be with anyone right now and that’s why nothing feels right. I don’t know guys I also prayed istikhara about everything and tried to leave it to Allah I’m not saying that means this person is supposed to come back or anything because I genuinely don’t know I just find it weird that even after praying, deleting everything, getting busy and moving on with my life, this person will randomly cross my mind again.
And I don’t even want to reach out. I’m not going to. I just miss him sometimes and it’s honestly so weird because I’m the one who left has anyone else experienced this? Like you KNOW you made the right decision you don’t want to go back you never reach out but you still randomly miss the person anyway??

Need advice. My friend crashed out on me because he said I added his younger female cousin on Snapchat, but I genuinely don’t even know who she is. Why didn’t his cousin ask him who I was first before they assumed I was on some weird shit? He called me weird and blocked me everywhere instead of just talking to me. I’ve had friends add my female cousins before, and I’d simply ask them about it, not crash out. 🥷🏽 be tripping wlhi

It’s so damn depressing being married for over 5 years, having a few kids then ending up divorced and feeling the loneliest and depressed that I’ve ever been. It’s like I’m back in square one but worse. All my dreams of a good man and husband ended up destroyed. I already knew it was destroyed while being married to him but I felt stuck. All that time I wasted with this man who is now a stranger again to me. I sacrificed everything, my time, my body and goals.

I stayed even tho I should have left much sooner because I had babies back to back and was scared of being a single mom. I wasted 6 years of my precious youth on this man. If only I had known this is how life would be I would’ve never married him. These men really don’t care about being there for their wife no matter what she’s going through and they sure as hell won’t be there for u when u need it most. They don’t know how to treat a woman well and they don’t even understand how women are and how our hormones fluctuate and how we change with pregnancy and especially post partum.

They expect us to act like it’s a breeze and we’re like machines that can “handle it” because it’s what we’re supposed to do. I endured it all alone with this man. They live their life like normal and watch you suffer without lifting a finger. If someone can’t even take care of their wife that’s carrying their child and be there for her and the children after the fact, they are a horrible human. If someone demeans and puts their wife down after gaining weight and looking different after carrying babies, they are disgusting.

This is why they can never be content and always looking for something different. They are not in marriage for the long run, they are in it for their desires and once their desire fades they check out. Uff. That is men for you. How do you go about your day and be out like normal while ur wife is struggling with a newborn and toddlers? How do u shukansi with other women outside and through messages like a single man but not be there for ur wife and kids at home? But at the end of the day I know it was Qadr and I’m so beyond grateful for my children, the only good thing that came out of that marriage.

It’s just extremely hard being a single mom. I crave a good companion that I can do life with. It’s so damn sad I chose the wrong one. I don’t feel hope that I will ever find a good husband. I hate men at this point wallahi. They are all the same to me. They lie. They cheat, they manipulate, they step all over you and move on to the next. Heartless creatures. The man I was married and had children with is living life like normal and found another wife easily. They always have it so easy. They still have their freedom and life even after having kids and being divorced. It’s always the women who suffer. Rant over.

salaam all!

i find it frustrating how those on the app don’t know how to carry a conversation. It goes consistently well then all of a sudden the same 4 or 5 things such as how are you, how’s your day etc etc. The conversation just feels robotic and as someone who is already busy with her personal life i immediately bring it to light and move on. Not to mention having to explain oneself all over again, i feel like i should just make up a draft for new matches.

Speaking of matches it’s also really overwhelming trying to keep up with conversations, i decided it was best for me to be transparent with all of them let them know the app unfortunately isn’t for me. It sucks cause i know i am ready for marriage alhamdillah i know allah swt has something in store for me but i just hate the fact that peeps are on these apps just to waste peoples times…it’s selfish

Guys maybe my soul mate was ab*rted

I noticed that I’m rarely shy talking with the opposite gender whether they’re a classmate or teacher as long as the conversation is platonic. The minute I sense it’s not, however, the world closes in on me, I can’t breathe and I actually feel physically nauseous. So on one hand, I’m the girl who’s too caught up in the content of the conversation to notice the gender to the point where I’ve had people in religious spaces assume I’m “relaxed” of “liberal” but I also feel overwhelmed and shut down at any hint that is not platonic. And I’ve never been in a relationship or talked with anyone about marriage. Does any other girl experience this? Can men tell the difference between an “easy” girl vs someone who is just talkative?

Wallahi genuine question. Hoping at least 1 person relates.

Do you feel like you just are incapable of feeling love, and i understand what people mean when they say it starts after marriage.

Like there are people that get so heart broken when people end things and depressed. I recently saw that a football manager (Pep Guardiola) was complaining to his players that he got divorced with his wife who he loves. I feel like this type of love makes sense, being so attached to the person that even when they hurt you, you still yearn for them.

Wallahi i feel like I can’t love a girl like that. I’m not bragging about it, I’m actually complaining about it (would appreciate if yall took this serious and spared yourselves from attacking me). In my head I am always keeping a balance, the more someone does for me the more I’d do for them, etc, but there’s no attachment. Anyone what this is or relates??

I’m wondering whether any of you have married from back home before? I’m talking, you were born and raised in the west. You’ve only gone back home around a handful of times. You’ve never lived there. And, whilst you do speak Somali pretty fluently, you aren’t able to express certain things in Somali as well as you do in English.

So, I’m wondering whether any of you have done it and been successful? I’d like to hear from women more than men.

I am a 28 year old woman. I matched with a man on a Muslim dating website. His profile said he was single with no kids. When I asked him directly, he also lied and said he had no children.

A few weeks later, he confessed that he is actually married and has a child. I was shocked and deeply disappointed by his lies, so I blocked him.
After I blocked him, he created multiple fake accounts to keep messaging me. I finally told him he should be ashamed of cheating on his wife. He claimed he wants a second wife because his current wife cannot have more children, but he doesn't want to leave her. I told him his marriage issues are not my problem. I said if he wants a second wife, he needs to be honest on his profile and look for someone who is divorced. I do not understand why married men always target women who have never been married.
Even now, this man will not leave me alone and completely refuses to respect my boundaries. He hacked into my WhatsApp and Snapchat accounts, forcing me to delete them and get a completely new phone number. Whenever he manages to find a way to contact me, he sends me pornographic GIFs and explicit sexual threats, saying, "This is what I would do to you." He also keeps telling me that he is in love with me, which makes me feel completely grossed out, violated, and unsafe.

Question for the sisters that regularly attend halaqahs/masjid programs and the like.

What do you think an ideal way for a guy to find you would be? (Other than bursting into the sisters side carrying 10 chairs on each arm)

Fear of rejection can lead to inaction which later can lead to regret.

How did you guys overcome this if you were challenged by it?

Can you truly love someone you’ve never met in person, even if you talk and video call every day and have plans to meet, or is it more likely infatuation and loving the idea of them? Do you think you need to spend time together in real life before you can call it genuine love?

I have this Somali client that formed a great bond with me. We keep in touch outside of work so it’s not strictly ‘professional’. I helped her through a difficult period and she’s taken a liking to me 😄 She’s been begging me to get to know her brother and I declined three times. It didn’t feel right to mix work with relationships. He seems like someone I would get to know if it weren’t for this, and her showing me his picture today solidified it 🥲 I feel tempted to say yes.

Thoughts?

Wish the apps made it so only people you’re compatible with can interact with you. Like if they gave scores based on religious and cultural values, location, dealbreakers, age, etc. otherwise it just gets overwhelming and that’s why many of us end up deleting them so quickly. Also if a bio and clear pictures were enforced then only serious folks would actually take the time to fill out their profile and give thoughtful responses.

What do y’all think?

I’ve been talking to this guy for a while now and we both like each other. Recently we started having deeper conversations and he told me a lot about how he sees himself.
He told me that growing up people would often say he was annoying, difficult or just “too much.” He said when he gets comfortable with someone he jokes around a lot and sometimes doesn’t realize when he has taken something too far until afterwards. He’s lost people because of this before and I think those experiences really stayed with him.

Now he keeps telling me that I haven’t seen the “real” him yet and that I only like the version of him I know right now. He thinks that once I know him properly I’ll eventually get tired of him or be disappointed.
I’ve told him many times that I genuinely like him and that I want to get to know him for myself. I don’t expect him to be perfect and if he ever does something that bothers me I’d rather just communicate about it.
But he keeps saying I deserve better, that he doesn’t understand what I see in him and that he doesn’t want me to make a mistake by choosing him. It almost feels like he’s trying to push me away before I even get the chance to decide for myself.

I really do like him and I don’t want to give up on something that could be good just because he’s scared of what might happen later. At the same time, I don’t know how much reassurance I can give someone before it becomes something they have to work through themselves.

Has anyone dealt with someone who thinks like this? How did you handle it?

Guys, I’m honestly in desperate need of help right now. I’m a 19 year old girl who was recently kicked out of my home after dropping out of school to focus on my clothing business. The business was doing well at first, but over the past year it declined severely, and it has affected my finances, mental health, and relationship with my family.

I spent a few months sleeping in my car, but recently my car was towed because I couldn’t keep up with the insurance payments. I stayed with a friend for a few weeks, but her family could no longer accommodate me. I’ve now been homeless for several days, sleeping behind Walmart, and there have been days where I haven’t been able to eat.

I’m not asking for anything huge. Even a few dollars for food or basic necessities would mean so much to me. If you’re able to help, I would genuinely appreciate it and make dua for you.
I have had my cousin make a new Cash App for me since my cards had been closed from the bank due to insufficient funds
Cash App: $Favlimo

May Allah reward anyone who helps, shares this, or even makes dua for me. ❤️

Are men more open these days to move for marriage if things aligned? As in move where his future wife lives?

I live in such an amazing place, an amazing environment with so many benefits. It’s the best place to raise children, a trusting community and strong Muslim values. The none Muslims that live here are very kind, I live in the west but it’s got so many pros.

Just a question I am curious about?

I‘ve experienced lovebombing once before (a guy flew out to see me after speaking very briefly, future faking, gifts, asking if I loved him in the first month, telling me I’m special and not like other women, very intense etc) and since then the people have spoken to have been on the opposite end of the spectrum (leaving me on read, breadcrumbing, slow replies and eventual ghosting).

Currently I am speaking to someone who seems to not be either of those things, he seems calm and considerate, intentional but at the back of my mind I wonder how can someone be so nice and respectful and wonder whether it will turn into lovebombing.

I guess my question is, how do I weed out things like lovebombing quickly? And how can I distinguish it from someone who is being nice and genuine?