u/Grouchy_Solid_9621

It’s so damn depressing being married for over 5 years, having a few kids then ending up divorced and feeling the loneliest and depressed that I’ve ever been. It’s like I’m back in square one but worse. All my dreams of a good man and husband ended up destroyed. I already knew it was destroyed while being married to him but I felt stuck. All that time I wasted with this man who is now a stranger again to me. I sacrificed everything, my time, my body and goals.

I stayed even tho I should have left much sooner because I had babies back to back and was scared of being a single mom. I wasted 6 years of my precious youth on this man. If only I had known this is how life would be I would’ve never married him. These men really don’t care about being there for their wife no matter what she’s going through and they sure as hell won’t be there for u when u need it most. They don’t know how to treat a woman well and they don’t even understand how women are and how our hormones fluctuate and how we change with pregnancy and especially post partum.

They expect us to act like it’s a breeze and we’re like machines that can “handle it” because it’s what we’re supposed to do. I endured it all alone with this man. They live their life like normal and watch you suffer without lifting a finger. If someone can’t even take care of their wife that’s carrying their child and be there for her and the children after the fact, they are a horrible human. If someone demeans and puts their wife down after gaining weight and looking different after carrying babies, they are disgusting.

This is why they can never be content and always looking for something different. They are not in marriage for the long run, they are in it for their desires and once their desire fades they check out. Uff. That is men for you. How do you go about your day and be out like normal while ur wife is struggling with a newborn and toddlers? How do u shukansi with other women outside and through messages like a single man but not be there for ur wife and kids at home? But at the end of the day I know it was Qadr and I’m so beyond grateful for my children, the only good thing that came out of that marriage.

It’s just extremely hard being a single mom. I crave a good companion that I can do life with. It’s so damn sad I chose the wrong one. I don’t feel hope that I will ever find a good husband. I hate men at this point wallahi. They are all the same to me. They lie. They cheat, they manipulate, they step all over you and move on to the next. Heartless creatures. The man I was married and had children with is living life like normal and found another wife easily. They always have it so easy. They still have their freedom and life even after having kids and being divorced. It’s always the women who suffer. Rant over.

https://www.reddit.com/r/SomaliRelationships/s/jm51thLFO8

Update:

I made a post a while ago explaining how life was so hard for me after a divorce and as a single mother of three kids. I expressed wishes to return back to the marriage and blamed myself for everything that transpired in the marriage. I explained how my ex husband wouldn’t take me back until I “changed” and fixed my problems… I never mentioned the problems that he had.

I painted him out to be the perfect individual and that I was the horrible one despite everything that I had gone through with my skin condition and having children back to back. I didn’t give myself enough grace and I let myself believe I was unworthy of any compassion because I felt bad about not being a good wife to him and not giving him what he wanted. I was struggling and truly in so much hardship. But he only focused on how I couldn’t be the wife that he wanted. He wasn’t there for me emotionally, helping out or being understanding in any way. I felt like a single married mother.

He also got married to another woman without my knowledge and talked to multiple different woman. Did I deserve that? Does any woman? No. Yet I still stuck around for the sake of these kids. I barely had any money for my children and I and there were so many times throughout the marriage that we were broke. He didn’t work hard for my kids and I. The last straw was asking him to get a job when he was jobless and him telling me he wasn’t working for nobody a 9-5 job and that I had to wait for a “check” he was waiting on to come in that was taking weeks. Mind you, we had been staying at my parent’s house that whole time because we had no money. He told me “go ahead, ask for a divorce like you always do” and that’s exactly what I did. I don’t regret the divorce anymore and I never want to remarry that man. I realized my worth now and I will never put myself in such a miserable situation again. Remember the Somali saying “silic ku nool sodan guursataa dhaanta” it’s better to marry 30 times than be in a miserable (marriage)

So what I’m trying to get at is please realize your worth ladies. Never let a man step all over you and treat you like you’re worthless. You deserve better. We all do.