r/Somalia

I found out today that my dad had a second wife in another country and had two children with her, which he hid from our entire family for years. We only found out because the second wife contacted my edo who then relayed the info.

I have six siblings, with the youngest being 13. My dad was always physically present while we were growing up, but he was never really an active parent. He didn’t do much for us, and he has always had anger issues. Looking back, it has been pretty clear for a long time that my mum stayed with him largely for the sake of us kids.

Most of us are adults now but I’m struggling with what to do next, particularly when it comes to my younger siblings.

For those who have been through something similar — how did you deal with finding out? How did you tell younger siblings, especially when they’re still teenagers? Did you let your parent tell them, or did you have that conversation yourselves?

And for those who have experienced a parent having a secret second family, do you still have a relationship with your dad? Has your relationship with him changed?

I don’t even really know how to process any of this yet, so I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through the same

Asc Everyone,

I’m at a loss and could use some support. I’m a diaspora Somali woman in her 30’s and one set of my dad’s several batches of children.

My mom divorced him a decade ago and is living her best life, but he is absolutely embarrassing. He married a woman younger than his oldest daughter after my mom- divorced her after 4 kids.

He went on to marry and divorce a bunch of women- no kids, until he married a lady close to his age. Which was fine we all hoped he’d settle quietly with her and live out his life.

Nope.

Well, he divorced her and went back to Somalia and now at the ripe age of 70 he married a 19yo girl from a poor family- his youngest daughters are 16 & 19.

He was a respected elder in the community, and now he’s acting like a street rat. I’m a public-ish figure in the community and I’m so humiliated. Everyone is gossiping. I used to be so proud when people would ask “who’s your dad?” My uncles are all very respected people and my family is very prominent in our clan so all this feels like it’s fueling some level of “happy to seem them fall” i don’t know I could be imagining it.

I’m not the one to care about people’s opinions but I am really struggling with this one. All of us kids are highly educated (thanks to our moms). We siblings generally have a decent relationship.

It’s hard to share this with anyone bc I hate seeing people judge my lineage like that, and I’m an extremely private person. All his friends are professional men that are retired from very senior positions and all raised nuclear families. We always envied them for their stable lives, but Allah Yarziqna.

Any words of empathy, support, or compassion just du’aa would help.

Hi lovely people
I normally don’t post anything I just read and move on lol.
So I’m based in Minneapolis. How hard is it to meet women who aren’t in healthcare?
I’m looking for someone in a totally different industry. Almost everyone in my circle is either a nurse
(which I don’t mind) or a female physician, which I’m absolutely not open to dating for personal reasons.
Would love to hear people’s experiences, especially from Minneapolis. I am physician too.

As-salaamu alaykum everyone,

I’m a man in my late 30s who grew up in continental Europe before moving to the UK around 10 years ago. Over the years, I’ve focused heavily on work, especially since I work from home with a team spread across the country. As a result, I haven’t had many opportunities to build a proper social circle here.

Most of the friends I grew up with are still back home, and I’ve realised that I’ve become quite isolated. I’d really like to change that and start meeting people, whether online through Discord or in person around Birmingham.

I enjoy video games, football, relaxing, laughing, good conversations, and generally having a good time. I’d be happy to meet people around my age, but I’m open to anyone friendly and genuine.

Does anyone know of any Somali groups, community activities, football groups, gaming communities, or places around Birmingham where someone could meet new people?

I’m sure I’m not the only person who has found themselves socially isolated after moving countries, focusing on work, and spending a lot of time taking care of family responsibilities. It would be great to hear from anyone who has been through something similar.

Feel free to comment or message me. I’m happy to answer any questions.

question: what is your take on (you) going uninvited to someones wedding? as in a family member/friend of yours "made" you attend. where you may not know the bride & groom etc.

my thoughts: ive been to a few (no choice, really). and those few times i went, i made sure to bring a gift to the bride. even if i didnt know her etc.

i dont think anyone will say no to a party, and it is an opportunity to see people etc. but i cant really get behind it. that has more to do with me being a private person etc. im f20, but i wont have it be like that at my wedding. only invites, rarely +1s. to make sure of that, i will have security. as i dont want people coming uninvited, especially those i dont like. like people i have problems with and/or those who bring bad energy (ex. evil eye). i couldnt care less if we grew up together and/or are from the same clan etc. !