u/confusedqueen101

Do we have too many kids as Somalis??

This is mainly for the Somalis living abroad.

Recently a family member of mine from Somali said that we ( my siblings and I) are too westernised and we are acting like gaalo. This is because my siblings all have 2/3 kids and they don’t plan to have more than that, and inshallah I don’t want more than 3/4 when I start having kids. They said that having small families is western culture and that having multiple children is a blessing. When I brought up the cost of raising children they said I was thinking like a gaalo and that Allah would provide for said kids. My parents also agree with this and want us to have more children.

I genuinely don’t think you can have 5/6+ kids and be there for all of them emotionally and physically. Be aware of their schooling and friends and what they’re getting up to on the internet. Often times it ends up being the older daughter/child that helps raise the younger ones whilst the parents are working.

Back home it might be easier to raise kids, coz you have a village to help you and there’s no teachers CPS and someone else monitoring you, but over here it’s different.

Also life has gotten incredibly expensive, wouldn’t it be better to have 2/3 kids and raise them well and in comfortable finance than to have 6+ and struggle financially.

I don’t know why we’re being called gaalo and westernised for not wanting to have multiple kids.

Any Somali Doctors or medical students on here, preferably women. I’m considering this career bath and would love to talk to and see what it’s like as a hijabi in the field. I currently work in healthcare, but looking into specialise further, but I keep getting discouraged by those around me as they think it’ll be difficult for me as I am black/women/hijabi

Ranting

I hate wedding culture and the cost associated with it. I know that every girl had dreams of her wedding day, I do too, but there’s a difference between making your dreams come true and being financially reckless.

A young person will plan to get married, and they will gather all their savings and even get support from their family to spend upwards of 20/30 thousand ( I can only speak for the UK) on a single night, without thinking about the future and financial emergencies.

At the end of last year, a girl I knew got married. And between the Soodonis, wedding day, and gifts the guy spent £45k which is $60k with the support of his family. At the beginning of this year, he was made redundant from work the girl doesn’t work either, so now the community is raising money for them as they’re expecting a child and they have no way of paying their rent/living cost because the guy essentially blew his savings on a single night.

I told my mum about this, and she said something similar actually happened to my cousin where he got into an accident and couldn’t work so the family had to raise money for them so they can afford rent and food.

Why do we think it’s okay to put this much money into a single night that you might not even fully enjoy, and the aunties will make rude comments about regardless. It feels like it’s more for others than for the bride/groom. And you can argue it’s haram.

I am not saying don’t spend thousand if you have the money. This is for the people that use their entire live savings for a single night without thinking about what could happen further down the line. Let’s be realistic please, and think about building our wealth and paying zakat/sadaqah.

Going on holiday to several countries, and Ummrah will be cheaper and more beneficial.

Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk 😅

As Somali, I feel like we rush to have children, and of course children is the will of Allah and we should add to the ummah., but I feel like some of the younger generation don’t family plan. I understand our parents didn’t have many choices and they struggled beyond belief to give us the life we wanted, but we shouldn’t let their sacrifices go to waste.

Whats preventing young people both men and women from working hard in their twenties, and bringing kids into financially stable household if allah allows it. I feel like people get married young and spend whatever they have saved on their wedding, and start having children with little to no savings. Our parents were working class, and lived pay check to pay check in dead end manual jobs all our life, and instead of wanting to do better so that our future children can compete with their peers in the west, we have children young with minimum income and little to no savings living pay check to pay check, that doesn’t take into account any emergencies that might happen like getting sick or fired. The job market will only smaller, as Ai progresses and takes over a lot of jobs, the cost of living will get more expensive and our future children will have to compete with children who had private education, private tutor, and unlimited education access for the same university and job positions, when they already face the disadvantage of being an foreigner/immigrant/black/ hijabi/ Muslim. Most of us don’t have generational wealth, but we also don’t work to attain generational wealth, we are happy to live in the moment.

It feels like we lack ambition and we don’t plan for the future.

Am I insane for having these thoughts or have I become too westernised 🤣. No one among my peers has the same thought as me. Whenever I try to tell others about saving up for future they say Allah will provide, which is absolutely true but we have to act as well. I want my kids to have the best opportunity to thrive and for me to be able to take care of my elderly parents so they can retire and relax, and if that means working hard in my 20s and having kids later that’s perfectly fine if allah allows it.

Sorry for the long blah blah. I just wanna know if there are others that think like me

This is not a repost
Ps: I am a women

As Somali, I feel like we rush to have children, and of course children is the will of Allah and we should add to the ummah., but I feel like some the younger generation don’t family plan. I understand our parents didn’t have many choices and they struggled beyond belief to give us the life we wanted, but we shouldn’t let their sacrifices go to waste.

Whats preventing young people both men and women from working hard in their twenties, and bringing kids into financially stable household if allah allows it. I feel like people get married young and spend whatever they have saved on their wedding, and start having children with little to no savings. Our parents were working class, and lived pay check to pay check in dead end manual jobs all our life, and instead of wanting to do better so that our future children can compete with their peers in the west, we have children young with minimum income and little to no savings living pay check to pay check, that doesn’t take into account any emergencies that might happen like getting sick or fired. The job market will only smaller, as Ai progresses and takes over a lot of jobs, the cost of living will get more expensive and our future children will have to compete with children who had private education, private tutor, and unlimited education access for the same university and job positions, when they already face the disadvantage of being an foreigner/immigrant/black/ hijabi/ Muslim. Most of us don’t have generational wealth, but we also don’t work to attain generational wealth, we are happy to live in the moment.

It feels like we lack ambition and we don’t plan for the future.

Am I insane for having these thoughts or have I become too westernised 🤣. No one among my peers has the same thought as me. Whenever I try to tell others about saving up for future they say Allah will provide, which is absolutely true but we have to act as well. I want my kids to have the best opportunity to thrive and for me to be able to take care of my elderly parents so they can retire and relax, and if that means working hard in my 20s and having kids later that’s perfectly fine if allah allows it.

Sorry for the long blah blah. I just wanna know if there are others that think like me