I feel like I dodged a bullet
Storytime. Not an SO but almost became one and wanted to be one.
So I met this girl in April (2months ago) and we really hit it off on the first date. I'm talking a 5 hour date and was completely engrossed in the conversation that we forgot we had lunch in front of us. It was an amazing time and when I came home, I melted on my couch in a daze and a smile on my face trying to figure out what just happened for 30 minutes, I had never had a first date like that before and felt really good about her.
At the end of the date we scheduled our next date for that weekend. That Friday evening, just to make sure we still had a date and to confirm when, I texted them. No response... until 2AM where they confirmed the time. Then 2 hours later, at 4 AM they cancelled the date, saying they decided to go exclusive with someone else. AT 4 AM. I woke up an hour later and saw that they cancelled on me and my entire day was thrown out. I did my best to recover and by 5PM that day, I finally felt better. Then as soon as I felt good enough to move on, she texts me, saying they made a mistake and wanted to explain and possibly make it up to me. The explanation was not great but I've given second chances for worse. I said okay because I did like her and I wanted that second date, but I pushed it out to the next Wednesday because I had things going on and I wanted some breathing room from this event.
Over the next few days, we chatted and flirted and it felt really good. But at the same time, I had this nagging feeling in the back of my head ... that something didn't feel right. Too many compliments, the sudden flip flopping of the cancellation, the response at 4AM, some impulsivity from our first date. I feel like I've been here before. Turns out I have been.
Monday night we had a long conversation into the night and they kinda started trauma dumping on me, telling me about their diagnoses. Bipolar 1 with AuDHD. FUCK. I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE. My ex was bipolar and highly impulsive and the last girl I tried to date also lovebombed me and had similar diagnoses, and she was a combination of the two. I know that this says more about me than it does of her. All of my alarm bells got louder and the next morning, I had to call it off, the day before our second date.
I little felt bad about how I ended it because I feel like I basically did to her what she did to me, so we had a conversation and decided to be friends because even though I felt bad, I wasn't asking for a second chance, but I still felt we had a nice connection.
Fast forward to today, we are planning to hang out as friends and I may or may not have developed a bad crush on her after we became friends. While talking about planning the day, she casually drops that she has an ex-boyfriend and a new girlfriend. In the time that we've known each other, she has gone through two relationships, IN LESS THAN TWO MONTHS. Meanwhile I haven't been in a relationship in more than 5 years. And she asked me if she could bring her new girlfriend to our hang out. Safe to say that quick turnaround may have just killed the crush I had on her.
I am still fairly new to understanding bipolar disorder but reading everyone's experience on this sub has been helping to paint the reality of what it is like to live with someone with this disorder. She is an extremely kind, wonderful, and beautiful person and I want nothing but love for her, but damn, its really hard to understand how someone could be like this, how the disorder can really make someone's life hard and they have no control over it. Even though she seems stable and is on meds, I really do feel like I dodged a bullet with this one.
A question for the group: is it normal for that quick of a relationship turnaround for individuals afflicted with Bipolar disorder? I'm still researching the disorder to help understand it better so I can be there for her if she needs me, and I haven't found much on this specific issue.