r/BipolarSOs

My wife had her first episode before we met. She and her family swept it under the rug and pretended it never happened. No one told me anything, not once in over a decade, until she had her second episode earlier this year, which was triggered by an SSRI that wouldn't have been prescribed if the first episode had been handled responsibly.

So, we were totally unprepared and it was a disaster for the whole family. We had just had our second baby together.

Early in the episode I took her to her OB and they couldn't help. Things escalated so I took her to the hospital, and not only did they not help, they looked at me like I was the crazy one when I picked her up. Oh, and they lied to me about getting her an emergency referral to a psychiatrist. Mental health support in this country is an absolute joke.

We suffered through weeks and months of paranoid delusions, police visits to the house, the classic discard, and return trips to the hospital before she finally got the medication she needed.

She's mostly stable now, but I'm traumatized after all of it and I know my oldest, who turned three during the episode, suffered greatly too.

I can't process things with my wife because she's still in a fragile state and it'll spiral her.

Her mental health was never great even before the episode. She was always so wrapped up in her own stress and anxiety that I felt more like a therapist than a partner a lot of the time. I really tried my best to help her, I was so patient and understanding and supportive for so long, but the connection to her I once felt faded away after years of her being constantly stuck in her own world of negative thinking. That's on me for staying.

All I want is a happy family and life for me and my kids but I don't know how I'll ever get past the resentment, and what if my children inherited this awful disease? How am I supposed to forgive her for hiding this?

Now, I feel trapped with no good options. I feel angry and hopeless and alone. I know we can make things "work", but I just don't see a path to the happy, healthy, real relationship I want for myself and for our kids to grow up with. I guess I have no choice but to figure it out.

My SO is medicated. But even then, he still has milder episodes. His personality doesn't help either. He desperately needs a psychologist but he lives in a fantasy world where one day he'll suddenly wake up a changed man and then everything he was ought to do, will be done. Including going to a therapist.

I can tell when an episode is coming. I know he can too but for some godforsaken reason he will deny it. Than shit hits the fan, and after that, he'll apologize and agree that he saw it coming too.

Anyway, he left today. He used to leave a lot back then. It was his way of being in control, emotional blackmailing and all that.

The thing is, it's been a decade. Although the last 5 years were better, I promissed myself if he does it again, it'll be the last.

I have a career, uni, bills to pay, no children thank god. My health is shit as it is and I'm in the middle of an awful flu. I don't need this. I'm not getting any younger. I gave up so many things for this man but I figured, it's okay, because in the end everything would pay off.

I just wanted some appreciation ffs.

My advice is: if your partner has a naturally low threshold for self-awareness and emotional intelligence, don't bother pushing on. It will not get better. Bipolar is one thing. Low I/EQ is another.

I'm more frustrated than pissed. Take care.

The title says exactly what I mean. Can I ever relax? Not over analyze everything he says/does. Its constant. He has only had one full blown manic episode but it has changed how I view everything. Its so hard... I seriously find it easier to be alone.

I have posted here a couple times, me and my ex were together for 3 years, she’s diagnosed as bipolar 1, she was on meds the beginning of our relationship until going off then for a year and recently being medicated only to break up with me over text less than two weeks later after starting an antidepressant and lamictal. since the beginning of what i think is an episode caused by this introduction or combo of meds she has been wearing a necklace i bought her, now she’s wearing a ring that is sentimental to our relationship and even has engravings on it that would bring up memories and feelings attached to our relationship. i also saw a picture where the flowers i bought her months ago right before she broke up with me are dead on the counter still in a vase. i am just confused as to what it all means.

I also wonder what kind of behavior you all have seen your bipolar so’s acting out on social media. i’ve noticed she doesn’t repost anything at all about grief, sadness, or anything that shows i was even a person in her life. she’s loving the attention she gets on social media, as everyone is saying how hot she is and how attractive and beautiful she is. she’s getting more views and likes than ever before when we were together and she’d post. she has reposted some things about bipolar, bipolar psychotic features, and what she experienced on these meds as well as reposts hinting she’s off the medication again.

I know it’s illogical and most comes from that illogical place but i just am curious to know what others have experienced around this and if this normal behavior. the episode has been going on for over 70 days.

Officially, we are done. 5 Years Gone. We talked after a frustrating night and we mutually decided it was time. I had already mourned the loss, mourned what they left behind, and was ready to start a new chapter of learning who I was again.

Or so I thought. Loneliness does weird things to people. Continuing to live together has become a chore. You threw it away but now you want it back? Where was that energy months ago? Why would I take you back now?

You deserve love, but its no longer with me.

Maybe I don’t understand darvo correctly, I feel like I’m losing my mind. He was totally fine for a few days and it made me cry bc I was so overwhelmed with it and wasn’t expecting him to be ok again after I went away for a couple months with our toddler. But some shit happened at work (it turns out when you’re weird and manic they get suspicious that something is going on) and now he wants support and is upset that he isn’t getting support from me. And was putting all this blame on me, which is absurd. I have other shit to deal with, including how he treated me the last year (while postpartum) and it honestly is a bit rich bc I had NO support from him for a year while he had his mental breakdown and so I sort of ended up turning it into that and how he never apologized or even was grateful for me doing 99% of the parenting for the past year. He should honestly be kissing the ground I fucking walk on and to complain to me about not having support after everything? I am still here. So maybe that triggered me, which made him say how I don’t let go of things and he doesn’t want to listen to the he said she said stuff (which I don’t think he remembers how poorly he treated me) but he says how he isn’t the only one at fault. Idk he twisted it into how he is the victim when honestly my son and I are the only victims in this and I just feel like my mind is a mess. I can’t really be the problem? I see little cracks forming again with his paranoia and I knew this good mood wouldn’t last. He changed his one medication fully over now.

This probably doesn’t make much sense, I just feel like he is making me crazy.

My (ex) partner (34M) of 6 months broke up with me (28F) a couple of days ago, things seemed off for just over a week beforehand and his eyes looked very tired and strange during that time. Five days before breaking up with me I questioned if he was pulling away because I felt as though he was (I have CPTSD and abandonment anxiety), he reassured me that he was not going anywhere, that he would stay with me forever, that I was his person and that he wanted to be the one to provide me with emotional safety and stability in a relationship. He even told me that he was going to get me a key cut to his house so that I could spend more nights at his and feel secure in our connection. We saw each other a couple of times in the days following and he gave me massages, physical affection, called me his “beautiful and amazing girlfriend”, had lots of emotional and passionate sex. The morning of the break up he was saying he would build something for me for a trip we had planned to take in a few weeks time, then hours later in the evening he cancelled our weekend plans over text, and when I called him he said “I don’t know what to say to you” and sounded quite angry, then he broke up with me.

He said he feels “empty”, “a husk”, “drained”, “a shell of a man” that he can’t lose little bits of himself over the next 50 years, that “it needs to end”. The emotional whiplash for me was terrible, he then became cruel telling me that it was my “entitlement” to his “time and money”, that “we aren’t compatible” and that he’s “not getting anything out of the relationship” and that he’s “back on sleeping pills after not needing them for so long because of the relationship”.

We haven’t had any contact since. This is the second time he has done this to me, although the first time he broke up with me (6 weeks ago) I blamed it on myself as we had had a couple of arguments over the weeks leading up to it which I had caused, so I apologised and promised to let things from the past that had upset me go and do better and then he finally asked me to come to his house and we reconciled very quickly. When I got there his undereyes were dark, he is normally completely clean shaven but clearly hadn’t shaved for a couple of days. He told me that he has cycles of depression and that he had thought he was a poison that he needed to push me away from. He also told me, that time, that before breaking up with me he had been experiencing suicidal thoughts and hadn’t experienced them since his marriage ended (around a year ago).

What I’ve realised is that the things he said to me a couple of days ago during breakup number 2 are exactly the same as what he said to me during breakup number 1. These are also the same things he said when I asked him why he and his ex wife got divorced.

Though he has not declared a bipolar diagnosis to me, he has a mother diagnosed with bipolar who he does not talk to due to emotional and sexual abuse he suffered from her during childhood. He told me that he has cycles of depression, for which he has CBT therapy, but that he is currently unmedicated. I do not know if he has ever been medicated, beyond what he disclosed about sleeping pills. When we first met he showered me with constant texting, over the top flattery, wanting to see me all the time, comments about how perfect I was for him and how he’d been waiting his whole life to meet me, he was extremely energised and enthusiastic, and sent me long paragraphs of what seemed like poetry about me, and expensive dates and gifts - all before he really knew me and before we became official. A friend of mine was concerned that I was being ‘love bombed’, although looking back I think it might have been hypomania.

I feel in a state of shock and confusion about the breakup, I didn’t fight for him this time like I did the first time because I was too hurt and too stunned that this had come in stark contrast to his words and behaviour, and the man I had come to love. This has really hurt and I am so thrown, I’m hoping somebody can please help me make some sense of this

I hope everyone is doing well!

I’m BPSO, male, 48. My BP1, 50 y/o female is going through a medicine change…while we’re going through perimenopause. She’s medicated and in weekly intense therapy.

Seroquel was the previous medication, 500mg a night. In January she experienced hallucinations while taking an antibiotic with the Seroquel. We thought it was a fluke because we had no evidence of anything else. These hallucinations progressively got worse over the next 6 months. This lead to a change in medication.

Lithium is being titrated up, while Seroquel is being tapered down. We’re almost to the lowest dose of Seroquel but her sleep has become increasingly worse with every step down.

This has created a very strange dynamic in our house. Me being an empath, I’m overly concerned about her well being. Her being avoidant, she wants to just push her strange feelings down.

A couple of question for the group, any help is greatly appreciated…

- this is our first medication change. How long does it take for things to stabilize? I just want her to feel like herself again.

- at what point does the sleep issues need to be addressed with psychiatrist? She’s sleeping intermittently throughout the night.

- I feel like I’m being incredibly supportive. This is just so new, I feel like it is overwhelming. What are some things I can do to be better as a partner as she goes through this?

- with perimenopause being present…how do I know what is what?

There’s distance growing in our house. I’m okay with where we are today. I’m just trying to prevent distance from growing even more.

I am really not in a good place mentally. My SO left this weekend on our wedding anniversary after being in a manic episode for 4 months. The day prior she barely moved off the couch and I was almost sure she was starting to crash.

So many pieces made sense that this absence was actually planned a month or two prior. Knowing what she had taken with her indicated that this was going to be either someone she was going to be intimate with or is interested in. I also realized that she had for some time having limerence with a co-worker she's gotten extremely close to these past few months. 9 years and she is throwing this all away and I feel absolutely insane and broken.

She finally came home in the middle of the night last night and unpacked. I'm physically sick from thinking about her touching and being with someone else. Nothing is making this feeling better, this so traumatic. I have to work a 12 hour shift today and when I go home today I am immediately telling her that I am moving out as soon as possible and she can take care of the mortgage by herself because FUCK having to go through this knowing that she is actively seeking out attention. The divorce will be final in November.

This absolutely the worst situation that is causing so much pain. I feel completely alone living out in the middle of the country and rural area without zero support. My friends and family live so far away and also in different states. I feel so stranded, and I wk trying not be drastic in picking up my entire life and starting over. I feel so lost 💔

I cant get a therapy appointment until Monday with my therapist.

I can’t believe it still. I’m becoming completely numb but it’s now the first month I haven’t heard from my spouse since we’ve been together. What heartbreak this has to be.

Someone said to me that some people who are mentally ill (referring to my stexbpso), are adult kids, essentially spitting their dummy out the pram for not getting what they want in life. They said these people don't know how to regulate having unfulfilled goals, dreams etc. Basically calling manic episodes a tantrum. Does any resonate with this?

Some of their explanation made sense for a moment when they said - look, theyre living their life, just not with you anymore. And its true that my stbxbpso is out there functioning and living a carefree, responsibility free life.

The part that made me come back to what I know to be true based on all our experiences here are the arrests, the homelessness, job loss, getting beaten up etc. If he was really functioning aswell as this person is saying they are. Why end up homeless, arrested etc. Why not get on with being productive with your life.

Anyway, sometimes the people in your support system have the best intentions to support you, but they just don't get it and I dont blame them because I didnt either until now i'm in in