r/BipolarSOs

Hi all, this is gonna be a bit of a ramble post so I apologize in advance,
I 38f have been married to my husband 47m for 14 years,
I knew pretty early on in our marriage he had ADHD or so we thought (he was diagnosed with depression and adhd about 3 years in)
it’s been a constant struggle through the years to keep him on his meds, he went off again last year and has since started back since February of this year,

I thought they weren’t working anymore to be honest because he’s just always angry all the time,
he hardly sleeps maybe 3 or 4 hours a night. Always gaming or on the phone, can’t focus , and he’s stopped hygiene pretty much all together, he’ll maybe shower once a week if I tell him to.
Anyway, he spent a lot of money gambling online while I was admitted in the hospital for diverticulitis.

He’s argued with a lot of my family and his friends. He got to the point of actually taking my phone and blocking my nephew and my uncle. I unblocked them, but he never took my phone from me before.
He got angry and started breaking things in the house

and this last blowup we had was because I am so sick all of the time and he can’t take it anymore.
I gave him his walking papers and said I can’t deal with this anymore.
He then started crying, and saying that he can’t be without me. I gave him an ultimatum of either, He gets help ,gets on medicine and stays on it this time, or we are getting a divorce.

he had a trip planned to go see his son and grandson in Las Vegas and also play in the World Series of poker.
He promised as soon as he gets back from his trip he will get with the doctor and start meds.

I don’t want to divorce him, but I don’t think I can keep living like this. I’m asking for advice as to what to expect and how to even get started. Obviously, I know he needs to see his primary doctor, but can you tell me how you got your spouses or significant other others help, and do you feel things got better once they got help?
Ty in advance. - lost hurting and tired.

My husband has bipolar disorder and we’re separating. He actually initiated it, told me he only sees me as a friend now and that I should see other people. But when I tried to act on that and said we need to live apart, everything flipped. Suddenly I’m being unfair and being cruel. He wants the romantic relationship over but the living situation to stay the same indefinitely and I’m falling apart in the limbo. But of course I’m not allowed to talk about how that would change the dynamics in the house either.

I’ve come to understand that parts of this relationship have been abusive, controlling, and borderline dangerous. I get silenced when I speak up, it escalates if I don’t stop, and there was an incident with a pet that I can’t rationalize away amongst many other things.

But here’s what I’m struggling with that I think this community might understand better than most. He’s barely medicated and the mania destabilizes him. He’s also far from his home, and his mom passed not long ago. My brain runs constant loops about whether he’ll be ok without me. Whether he’s eating, sleeping, whether the stress of the separation will trigger an episode. Everyone in my life says his stability is not my responsibility. I know that’s true on paper. But I’ve spent years being the stabilizing force and I don’t know how to put that down. It feels like abandoning someone in a storm I can see coming.

I’m also scared of his reaction when the separation becomes fully real. I’ve seen how he gets when he feels cornered and I don’t know if the stress will make everything worse.

For those who separated from a BP spouse: how did you handle the guilt about their stability? Did you stay involved in their wellbeing at all or did you have to fully step back? Did the fear of triggering an episode keep you stuck, and how did you move through it? I love him and I hate that leaving feels like something I’m doing to him instead of something I’m doing for me.

Last night I was boo-hooing. Full-on blubbering cry over missing my ex BPSO. I was a hot mess. Didn’t want to bother you nice people with my self-pity, so I posted in r/NoContact instead. Something like “waaaaa I miss him.”
Woke up this morning to a bunch of notifications. Turns out autocorrect (or my sleep-deprived brain) sent it to r/NoContract instead, a subreddit about cell phone plans. Everyone there was really nice about my breakdown over a Verizon dispute I don’t even have, but I really think I need to delete this account. Mortified.

Because I couldn’t post a picture:
This is genuinely the perfect comment arc, “I got it worst, everyone I know talks in my head” competing for sympathy, then the gentle “no contract or no contact?” realization, then straight to “WTF is wrong with people,” with a “sorry you’re in pain” and a DM sandwiched in between. Complete tragicomedy in 5 replies.

My divorce should be final before end of month. I took a long weekend trip to see my best friend to get out of my head for a bit and it worked. But now I’m coming home and sitting in the airport crying. Why is this happening? I swear I’m a good person so why is this happening to me? I look at every married person now and wonder why they are better than me. I’m angry and hopeless and sad. It’s not his fault that he is sick.

Please, please help me! I need advice desperately.

My husband (29) and I (26) have been together for 6 years (married for 2), and our relationship has been clouded with addiction, BPD, and the trauma that comes with it. He had a past of substance abuse ever since being a teen, and I knew that, but he was in recovery for opioids.

Before our wedding in 2024, I suggested he go to AA due to behaviors I noticed while he drank: Memory loss, falling asleep in parking lots, etc

He did, got sober, and although not perfect, I felt confident in our marriage. Six months after our wedding, he was having bad panic attacks, and he had a bad relapse on some gas station pill that had some version of an opioid in it. He was taking money from my Venmo account to pay for them, falling asleep in public spaces again, etc.

He ended up being put on methadone after that, but that stress and trauma caused him to relapse with alcohol, and I wasn't aware until October of last year; he tried to self-detox when I was out of town and ended up in the ER. Afterward, he went to a rehab facility for a week, and his mom and I took the next month to sort through long overdue bills (debt collectors), sort through his medications, talk to his doctors, etc.

He has been sober from alcohol ever since, but what has gotten worse is his anxiety and BPD (I guess; I'm not 100% sure how everything works). He takes lithium, but was having bad panic attacks and also high blood pressure (addicted to sweets right now). So, two months ago, he had another round of falling asleep in parking lots, on the kitchen floor, being really drowsy, and also not paying bills. He had two visits to the ER as well, which have been a huge expense for us. To this day, he is still falling asleep while driving, very late at night, and is drowsy all day. And we are still getting bills.

Where we're at presently
We have discussed moving back to our hometown for a better support system, but I have also decided I would like to take a break from our relationship. So when we move, I wouldn't move in with him. We are not at the point of divorce yet, but I do worry I may make that decision by the time we go on this break. I started my own business last year on top of my health issues, and these last few years have put such a mental, emotional, physical, and financial strain on me.

I feel horrible because, of course, this isn't what my husband wants for me or me, but at what point do I have to put myself first? I love him so much, but when I envision a future with kids or him not being drowsy on vacations, or us handling money properly, I see a life full of exhaustion.

His parents have also put a lot of blame on me like "expecting grand gestures for your birthday," "making him responsible for your feelings," and "adding extra anxiety to him because of high expectations like having the house clean all the time." Am I the problem? Am I not allowed to have these things in my relationship?

He's doing the work by informing himself on everything, like studying it, seeing psychiatrists, and generally trying, but we've been through this cycle a lot. He's been medicated for about a 6 months now but used to be on more medications for it. My heart is tired of false hope. He thinks moving back to our hometown will be a reset and fresh start, but I am still nervous about the cycle repeating. Please advise as objectively as possible <3

For example: (long-term) BPSO discarded you, moved out, met a new “soulmate” and completed a million relationship milestones at warp speed — including moving in together…but then somehow ended up back with you.

While tormenting myself reading old posts, I stumbled upon mention of a discord channel. The share links I came across were quite dead.

Is this channel still active? I wouldn't mind actively venting with others instead of writing too-long posts and doomscrolling 💀

Is it possible for somebody to go from mania to stable within a few weeks without depression/low period? If this happened, my theory is that she potentially had marijuana induced mania...

I need an outside perspective. I raised my 11-year-old stepson for seven years. His biological dad is out of the picture. His mum and I separated recently, but things only derailed after she developed CPTSD from an overseas assault.

Her behaviour spiralled. She quit her job, started drinking heavily, and neglected basic parenting. Last month, my stepson texted me requesting help because she was passed out drunk. Days later, she voluntarily gave me full custody indefinitely so she could get psychiatric help. He has been happy with me since and we are in a routine. He visits her house a couple of times a week for a few hours.

Now she has a mania diagnosis, is on new bipolar medication (which she has stopped taking). She is also dating her drug dealer, a man with a violent criminal history, and wants to introduce them.

Her family thinks she is completely fine because she posts daily gym selfies and appears happy and healthy. When I raise safety concerns, her texts are coherent but vaguely threatening, reminding me she is the "legal guardian".

I wonder if she is genuinely happy with this guy, thriving and doing well. I have not had much of a window into her life for the past few weeks so I am wondering if she has improved.

I do not like the thought of him going back to a chaotic environment. But what if it's no longer chaotic. To stop it happening, my only option is legal which is so extreme. It will blow things up and could backfire in a massive way for me. I have sought legal advice, and they advised I would likely have my request granted. Have written an affidavit and all is ready to go.

I'm thinking that perhaps I should trial it. See how he goes and provide him a reliable way to contact me if there is any trouble, which he has done before.

I would greatly appreciate advice from people who have been through similar experiences or have decent knowledge of what a manic cycle looks like (this is my first).

Hi everyone, to recap, my husband stared an SSRI for OCD, he was undiagnosed and unmediated, this sent him into a SSRI induced manic episode.

Since then, he ran away from our home, says he wants a divorce (hasn't filed and doesn't seem like he is in a rush too), wants us "live our lives seperately", moved in with a co-worker he doesn't know, lying to his friends about where he is staying, comes off as "I am fine" to everyone else, gets a weird feeling anytime anything about me comes up. Avoiding me like the plague.

Anyway,

We had another phone call yesterday, and this time he seemed much more open. He heard me out on what I think has been going on, the SSRI induced mania, his behaviors since then. He even said "I can see how my actions from the outside perspective look irrational and out of the blue". But didn't give anything else into why to him, it is not.

Also, said how my "theory" could have some validity but not everything.

However, I asked him if he remembered asking me if he is bipolar, he said yeah, and said "I think I am". This blew me away. So some insight has come back, but when I asked if he could potentially see that he is manic right now, he said "no". When i asked if he could tell me why he thought he was bipolar, he said "no".

He still agrees that I know him better than anyone else, but wouldn't tell me anything about his care. Told me he sees a therapist once a week and a doctor for his medications.

At the end of the call, he said he does these calls "for me" because "not talking makes you sad and I am a nice guy and I don't like making people sad". It was so bizarre, like I am not sad because we don't talk, it's because you blew up our lives. Ugh.

He ended the call saying "I am gong to cut this short, I'll talk to you sometime this month"

which is different from, "I want us to go about our lives seperately"

He also mentioned the "weird" feeling he gets has died down a bit.

I know he still isn't out of this yet. I guess my question is, has anyone else experiences their partner having objective awareness they could be bipolar, but deny their current episode?

M27 with F25 BP2 partner. Been together over 5 years, known each other our entire lives. We’ve always been extremely connected, we live together (no kids but pets), family/friends intertwined. Since the beginning of this year her BP2 has really started show up. It was never once an issue before and I honestly never really saw symptoms beyond the occasional depressive or anxiety episode.

Since early this year it has been a fast paced downward spiral to put it lightly. It was extremely anxiety heavy at first with panic attacks, constant shaking, couldn’t stay still, rapid thought cycles. Then the heavy depression. Every day was a harder struggle, lots of suicidal thoughts but that wasn’t totally unusual. No plan in place, I trusted she wouldn’t do anything. She was communicating with her therapist often which was helping.

Various med changes later, I don’t know which ones exactly right now, but the anxiety has mostly subsided it’s just now she’s incredibly angry and irritable 24/7, at everything. It can be a show playing, one of the pets making noise, a water bottle shifting, it doesn’t matter. It’ll send her off the edge. Previously I was her safe space and none of the anger would be directed towards me but recently it’s like I’ve got a huge target painted on me. No matter what the problem is, I’m the issue. If I offer advice it’s taken the wrong way, if I say nothing and try to be supportive it’s taken the wrong way. Nothing I say helps. My presence is enough to annoy her. She’s just mad and unable to focus on anything so she’s bored, which just reinforces that she hates the world, hates me, hates where we live, hates everything. I genuinely cannot say or do anything to help but if I leave the room that’s a bigger problem.

I’m so frustrated and my emotions feel stunted. Like I’m either bawling my eyes out or I feel numb. The numbness is taking over and I feel that most often now. It doesn’t help I have zero support basically. I have no friends of my own, no therapist, no one to talk to. I feel frustrated, stuck, and a heavy responsibility. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose my person but I’m also not recognizing the person in front of me. I want to help them get back to their old self and I used to think that was a strong possibility but now I don’t know, I just don’t know. Any advice is helpful but I really just needed to type this all out.

In a matter 2 days, my husband:

- “Lost” his job but I cannot confirm yet. He says he was fired on 7/3, a holiday most offices give off in the US. He probably quit.
- Invited in a homeless man into our home who has hep C, apparently stabbed someone back when they were a teen
- Talking in a grandiose manner of speech

I feel so f*cking stupid. I had a short 3-day trip planned for the weekend. I went away last month for 3 weeks and he seemed fine. And yesterday,
when I left, thought I could leave a hypomanic person alone for a few days. He had
some symptoms before I left (anxious, getting lost in thought spirals, increased cannabis intake).

I know if I were my parents, they would have said to cancel and babysit my husband. But babysitting my husband during a rapid
cycle / hypomanic / manic
episode is HELL. I have generalized anxiety disorder and we just make each other feel worse.

The worse part is I left my dog with him, but thankfully a friend was able to come grab him.

I don’t know what I’m gonna come home
to. Just trying to enjoy the peace and quiet with my friend before I have to face the music. FFS.

My husband was diagnosed exactly a year ago with Bipolar I. Had to get involuntarily committed twice. He had been on meds and seemed stable. He did/does have a stressful job at a start-up, but we thought he could handle it. I’ve begged him to quit cannabis but he is completely dependent on it at this point. He smokes 2-4 joints a day. Recently, his Fluoxetine dropped from 40 to 20mg, per his own request to his psychiatrist. He told the PA he wanted to start “weaning off his drugs” so could “take shrooms” again. I can’t believe the PA approved this. Things were fine, why rock the boat? He’s also on oxcarbazapine, 150mg of Wellbutrin, and 300mg of Wellbutrin (I’m assuming the Wellbutrin separate doses is slow vs fast acting).

I fell apart really hard after a couple of weeks of keeping it together better. My husband has been bad to worse, up and down as usual, but I fell apart after the first four good days he's had in a long while.

I don't know why I fell apart. Maybe that time of the month. Maybe I got triggered by some hard questions my trauma therapist asked. But I fell apart hard. I'm a total mess. And now he's in another episode after a few days' break and he's blaming me, which I do know is ridiculous, he's been in non-stop back to back episodes forever, he was just in the depths of depression last Sunday when I was at the top of my game and I know this is isn't my fault if he fell into another one on Friday, but it feels cruel and scary that he is blaming me, like the nail in the coffin his bipolar narrative has created about me and our relationship.

When I started to fall apart I so desperately wanted validation from him, for him to hold me and tell me I've been through a lot, that it's okay to be hurt, that he wants to help me, that he cares, but instead he only got angry and agitated and it's so disorienting. Even if I'm sobbing on the floor he just ignores me, and I can't seem to stop, my mind just goes blank, I can't believe there isn't some compassion and tenderness and recognition in there if I just a dig a little further, but I just keep getting anger and blame.

The lack of empathy just feels like gasoline on the fire of healing for me and for our marriage. I want his empathy. I want him to treat me like I was hurt by someone else, but he just feels my pain as blame and shame and guilt and I feel his anger and disappointment the same way back, reinforcing all the really horrible things he said to me and about me when he was in a more manic state.

How do we get out of this cycle?

Hi everyone, my relationship of almost 5 years just ended around an hour ago. I am writing to this community as a plea for some reassurance that I am not crazy and that I did the right thing. There will be no TLDR.

I want to begin by saying that I love this individual. I woke up and each day chose to reflect and strive to be the best version of myself for this woman. I accepted her and her flaws, but I likely tolerated so much more than I ever should have tolerated.

We had been together for just under 5 years. She first admitted to me that she cheated two years ago, in the summer, and I don't think I ever found out everything that really happened. I knew something was seriously wrong when all of this was going on because her behavior made no sense to me. She suddenly broke up with me, told me I was holding her back, and said all sorts of things about how I wasn't a good boyfriend. There was a smear campaign involved, too. It turns out she was manic, and she was diagnosed with bipolar II (later revised to bipolar I). Last summer, a similar incident occurred, but this time I had to find out from a friend of mine that she was cheating on me and seeing someone new. While 'broken up', she would act like she missed me and loved me so much, and yet could not do anything about it. It's like she was possessed by something. I remember at one point last summer when this all happened, she was angry and told me just to end the relationship, then she broke up with me. Within minutes, she called me like normal, as if nothing had happened.

I'll admit, I have a difficult time standing up for myself. I think I'm a pushover. I care, sometimes too much, and I've tolerated cheating and extensive lying. Tonight was different. This began just the other day when I discovered a Spotify playlist of hers where, in its photo, she was snuggled up to another man, arm around his waist, other arm around his neck. It had a romantic title, "right person wrong time". My heart immediately sank. I did some digging and quickly found the guy's social media, so I knew they were interacting based on that. I confronted her with the evidence, and I asked her to explain what was going on. She said she didn't even know the guy's name, that her friend was trying to set them up, that it was nothing and she was just drunk. I asked if she had him on social media, and she said no, so I knew then and there she was lying. I snooped through her email, and I found a dating app subscription for 3 months at one point during our relationship, another stint on a dating app during our relationship, a Venmo transaction with this new man, and worst of all, just two months ago, she met up with the person she first cheated on me with. I confronted her, and she had some explanation for all of these things: the dating app stuff was her friends logging in on her phone, she met with the first guy for closure because of how he treated her, etc.

She told me she didn't tell me any of this because she knew I would react like "this". I was incredibly angry, telling her that she's a pathological liar, that she's a serial cheater, and that I hope her behavior keeps her awake at night. At one point, she said something about our relationship, but I told her that I don't know who she is and that I'm not sure if that person ever existed. I have since blocked her. Maybe it's crazy, but I feel like I am in the wrong and that I'm overreacting. Like I'm just abruptly throwing away some 5 year long relationship with my soulmate.

I feel so guilty. I feel like I am a terrible person. I feel like I am cruel. I feel like I'm just impulsive. She is currently out of the country for the first time in her life, on a really special trip. I ended our relationship, and all of this happened while she is still on that trip. I was supposed to move with her to another state shortly after she would get back, and now that's obviously not happening. I had even given a 3-week notice at my job because I thought everything was fine until I discovered all of this. I had to rectify this urgently so I would not end up homeless. I was going to pack my things and move with her so she could follow her dreams, but I was going without a job lined up in the hopes that I'd find something quickly.

I only noticed she was recently pulling away from me and suddenly starting to drink a lot more, and my intuition was telling me that some sort of episode, or at the very least something bad was coming. I denied that it was happening. Each time she's had a manic episode, alcohol abuse was involved. Even after I ended things and laid out all of my grievances, she just asked me if I could still drive her and help her move. It's like she doesn't even know that she has hurt me. She doesn't know she's done anything wrong? She can't think of the harm she's caused and can only think about what is important to her? I don't understand. I'm heartbroken right now. This person was my everything, my college sweetheart.

Thank you for reading and taking the time to write back.

Edit: I forgot to add that she has been medicated and in therapy for around two years.

What does rapid cycling look like for your partner? Can it be really relentless, almost constant?

My husband has been completely unstable for two years. The first nine months were the worst, almost unbroken mixed episode or dysphoric mania type of stuff. Not sleeping, unable to work, barely eating, extreme anxiety and I think a kind of paranoia, out of his mind delusions about our relationship and religious doubts, extreme physical symptoms including severe pain, loss of balance and tics ... just really really bad.

Once it started to break up it began to look like roughly a few good, almost normal days out of a month, a break from prison, with the bad days being all over the map as far as how bad, some more heavy depression, others more agitated and irritable with constant intrusive thoughts and twitching. I have kept a diary off and on but not consistently, and I keep nudging him but I can't get him to keep his own mood app. Anyway, I don't think there is a clear pattern, but more or less one episode follows another and a string of better days always ends with a crash or a spike of symptoms.

I have read some who theorize that rapid cycling and mixed episodes are the same thing. I don't know if that's true, but the idea I think is just that the depression, anxiety, paranoia, delusion, irritability, all of it, starts to happen so fast that it happens all at once or at least all in the same day or week so it looks like all one episode, but really it's still cyclical. But I don' know if that's accurate, or if it matters.

Just trying to make sense of what I am seeing while praying we find a medication that brings relief. I do love this man so and it's devastating to see him like this.

My husband is hospitalized right now due to mania. He has been ghosting me, lying to me and generally killing my spirit over the last 6 months or so. I just called for an update on his health and the nurse said I’m not on the consent form so they can’t disclose any information to me. His family has not been the ones to get him help. It’s always been me saving him. They never see how sick he is because they don’t live with him. I’m so fed up with this. They can have him then. Except they don’t want him either. His sister literally told me she can deal with this until Friday. Well I don’t think my heart could sink any lower than it is. I always forgive because it’s an illness but I don’t think I can keep this up any longer.

Hello, I wanted to share my story and ask for some perspective.

My wife (38F) and me (37F) just had a very, very traumatic breakup a couple of weeks ago. For some context, we first got together during college. In 2015, I left the country to pursue my PhD, and we had a long distance relationship for 6 years, however, during this time I returned home three months every year, and spoke a couple of hours nearly everyday when I was away. After I returned, I moved in whit her and her parents, and six months later I managed to get a job, so we got our own place and moved in together. Over the years, she had fallen out with her brothers and sister, and she did not feel comfortable in her parents house.

Before moving together, she had a very good relationship with my family, but she became very resentful of them shortly after moving together. My mother would visit, and sometimes make comments about the state of the house (I worked full time I supported us both financially while she was doing her masters, so she was home more often and had a larger share of the housework). My mother had a severe degenerative type of arthritis, and she lived in a rural town far from the hospitals where she had to get attention, so often she would spend the night with us before going for her checkups.

She also had issues with my brothers and sisters, for comments that were in my opinion done in jest. She also sometimes had very acid comments towards them, but I took it as part of the family banter. My family never resented her jokes, but she took any joke towards her very very badly.

This all came to a head about two years ago. She had finished her masters a couple of months ago and was looking for work, however, I had received a very, very good position with a significant increase in salary, so I could cover all of our expenses comfortably, and we were looking to purchase a house. I also believed with my new job, and her studies completed, we could have children.

So I told her that I believed that it was time for us to start trying for a child. She got very quiet, and suddenly looked enraged. And told me "So what, you want me to have a child and make me your mother servant?" I was taken aback when I asked her what she meant, and she screamed at me that I knew and attacked me physically (she tried to hit me). I was so confused and angry, so I told her that i would not have a wife that raised a hand to me. Then she answered "then we divorce today! I am leaving!!!"

She left the house, and three days later she called me, asking if she could come over. I said yes, and she came and asked me to try again. I accepted. Over the next days, she told me things my family had said to her, and asked me to never allow them in our home again.

Some of the comments she told me they said where very ugly, so I accepted. She was extremely happy. Nevertheless, I did not break contact with my family, making up excuses for why they couldn't come. I asked about my wife told me, and they denied saying such things. I did not know to believe, my family are good people and they always liked my wife before we moved in together. I went to family reunions alone, and my wife was always angry when I did. She never directly asked me not to go, but she would get very irritable and blow over the most minor things when I did.

She also stopped contact with her few friendships, and stopped visiting her parents. A few months later, we bought a house and moved in. It was a big old house with a space for a nice garden, which she always wanted. Whit the exception of when i went to visit my family, she was generally happy, but she was depressed because she had very bad luck finding a job. I did not mind, with my salary I could cover for both with enough to spare, and I reasoned that a bad, underpaid job would make her more depressed than no job.

However, she did very little with all her free time. She rarely did chores, so I hired someone to take care of the cleaning. Nevertheless, my wife got angry about how the cleaning lady did things so after a couple of weeks she asked to never call her again. She would expend most of her time looking at tiktok or playing pc games, and only occasionally look for work when I asked her.

So I often had to come home from work, clean the house, and eat leftovers of whatever delivery food she asked. Other days, she was hyperperactive, and I would arrive and find everything spotless, and a delicious meal, but as time went on this was rarer and rarer.

Finally, six months ago she told me she wanted to try for children, that she was getting older and was scared of waiting more (she was 38). I really really wanted children, so I was very happy when she told me.

She was very happy and excited, and we had a wondrous time during our first attempts. However, after the third month of trying, she did a pregnancy test and became inconsolable. She locked herself in the bathroom and cried for hours. She screamed that she was infertile and useless. I told her that there was nothing wrong with her, that pregnancy can take several attempts, that we have good medical coverage and we can see if there is anything wrong if it takes to long.

She finally came out of the bathroom smiling, and asked me if I was willing to keep trying to have children with her. I told her yes, and she kissed me like nothing had happened. Then she told me she wanted to go see my family.

I was surprised and happy at this. The next weekend we went to my parents house, and spent the night there with all my family. They all treated my wife like there was never any separation (I had asked them to attempt to forgive her, and they agreed to do it for me). My mother's condition had worsened significantly, and the strong medication used to keep her arthritis at bay had caused severe hypertension and degraded kidneys. She was always very sad when I visited alone without my wife, and she was incredibly happy that weekend.

We returned home, and my wife told me that what had happened before was not important, and that we should expend more time with our families. She also told me to invite my parents to get to know our new house (I never showed them our house). This made me angry, for two years she spoke about my family like they were demons, asked me to never invite them home, and now suddenly everything is okay? I did not tell he that I was angry, I contained myself. Finally I once again had a chance of closing that wound and I was not going to throw it away, even if my wife's behavior was becoming too erratic.

A couple of days later, I received a call. My mother had a stroke and they were taking her to the ER. I told my wife and we both went to the hospital to meet with my dad that was already there. It had taken nearly three hours to take her from my parents house to the hospital, so she was very delicate.

The doctors told us that due her age (75) and disease, she had very little chance of recovery, and that we should say our goodbyes. She was severely medicated but somewhat aware. They only allowed us one at a time. I asked my wife if she wanted to talk to her and she said yes. When I went mom just tried to smile at me and said something like "dont suffer", but she slurred a lot so i am not sure.

When my wife came from seeing my mom, she was pale and sweating. I asked her what my mom said to her and she said that my mom said "Im sorry". My wife became very quiet, and just sat down with me while we waited for the doctors. They told us that they would try to put her a pacer, to see if it can help stabilize her, and asked us to leave for the night since they did no allow companions in the intensive care unit at night.

We returned home, and my wife was very quiet the entire trip. I was destroyed, I had cried a lot and I felt very fatigued, so I told my wife that I was going to try to sleep. She told me that she was not tired. I went to sleep and in the middle of the night my wife wakes me up. She tells me "I cannot believe you did all of this to manipulate me". I told her " I dont know what are you talking about, did what". She got quiet again and laid next to me, asking me to hug her. I did and went back to sleep.

The next day, I was getting ready to go to the hospital, when I received a call. My mother had another stroke and was in critical condition. I told my wife and we went together. When we arrived the rest of my family was there. My mother had died half an hour ago. The rest of the day was a blur, I helped my dad arrange the handover of her body to the funeral home for cremation. My wife was always next to me silent, she looked very uncomfortable, but I admit i was not paying much attention to her.

After the funeral home left with my mother's body, we returned home. My wife then told me that she was going to stay with her parents. I asked her why and she told me that my family gives her panic, that she did not deserve to be there with us in our mourning. I told her that she was part of the family, that nobody cares about what happened, and that I needed her. She told me that she needed to be with her mom, and that my family made her sick with fear. I asked her fear of what, and she told me that she did not know, that it was a fear deep inside that she could not explain. I felt betrayed, I wanted here with me, but I told her that she could go stay with her parents if that's what she wanted.

I went to my office and cried for a long time, until my wife entered, extremely red faced and angry and told me that I needed to swear to her that my family will never get between us. I exploded and yelled at her, I told her that my mother had just died and she wants me to swear something suddenly, I told her to have some respect for me and our loss. And she said to me that I was a very bad actor, that my entire family are very bad actors. I was angry and confused and asked her what was she talking about. She said that the entire theater with my dying mother was too much just to manipulate and control her, and that she was not going to lose her autonomy. We had a lot of fights, but she had never been delusional like this. I told her that my mom was dead and here she was fighting with me. She told me that my mom was not dead and that I should tell her that her plain failed. She also told me that the drug I was giving her was not working. Now I was getting scared, I asked her what drug was she talking about, why was she speaking like a crazy person. She told me "yes, the drug you give me to control me.". At that point I snapped, I told her that she was crazy, that I was not going to live like this and that I was going to call her parents.

She got all sweet and told me that I was right and that we should speak. I told her no, I am calling your parents so they stay here with you while I go to stay with my dad. Then she said that if I called her parents she was going to deny everything. I went to my office to call them and told her what had happened. After I finished the call, she was gone. She had taken a couple of things and left the house. She did not answer the phone. Her parents and me looked everywhere for her, until she answered a call from her mom. She said she was with a friend and would go to her parents house the next day.

The next day I received a call from my university. My wife was there screaming that they needed to give a job and had to call security and take her to the psychologist office. I called her parents and they went to pick her up, but when they arrived she said they wanted to kill her and tried to run away. In the end to policemen and two security guards had to hold her until an ambulance came from her. I did not go, after everything that happened I did not want to see her.

She was sedated and spent a week in the hospital. I was in contact with her parents and told them that I would cover all expenses and her treatment, but that I was not going to live with her again and that eventually I would divorce her. She was diagnosed bipolar disorder, and she is taking valproic acid and other things her parents told me. She is with her parents and called me the other day.

The first thing she did was ask me how I was, and then asked how my mom was doing. This finally broke me. I cannot stay with her. I lost my mom and my wife. I turned my back to my family for her, I gave her everything, I folded to her every whim. I do not know if this is typical of a bipolar person or what, but how can you live with someone that suddenly leaves reality when you need them most? Is there any hope for a relationship after this. I love her, the woman I meet 15 years ago, but the woman she has gradually become causes me to much pain, and my sacrifices feel in vain. Staying with her also means giving up my dream of having children, or is possible?

PS: Sorry, I am not a native english speaker and this was a raw stream of words, I wanted to write this down.

I (43f)recently started dating a (43m) who had been diagnosed with BP years ago. He has been explaining things to me and gave me a book to read about it. It’s been a very different relationship than any in my past. I really like so much about him and we have so much in common. He is a kind caring man and father. I notice he goes through moods where he thinks everything I’m saying to him is an insult or me being passive aggressive…which I am not. It’s making me have to explain myself and talk him down from whatever this constant response is to everything I say. He also is always thinking im looking for someone better or harps on who I dated in my past. He tends to belittle my job and act like we are in competition of who is better. I don’t like that at all. How can I curb this behavior? I came here to read more on it but everyone seems to have bad experiences with a bpso. Should I just cut ties? I want to make it work but everything I’m seeing seems like it never ends well and I’m setting us up for failure if I stay.

i know alot of people come by this subreddit to often try to find answers, because someone you loved disappeared overnight, pushed you away, made you feel like a villain, trying to understand something, cheated on you, literally watched someone you loved become almost unrecognizable.

and i guess i’m writing this because i don’t want anyone going through what i went through to feel as alone as i did.

recently, i’ve been going through a storm myself. and trust me, it was HARD. when i first came here, i realized i wasn’t the only one. thousands of people had experienced something similar. so, if you’ve lived through it, you know how hard it is. the kind of hard that’s difficult to explain to anyone who hasn’t been there.

my therapist told me to learn to accept my feelings. don’t fight them or pretend they aren’t there. don’t brush it off. feel them, let them pass through.
what matters isn’t whether the storm comes.
because, it will. what matters is that you’re prepared for it.

if you’ve been discarded, ghosted, or watched someone you love change during an episode, i’m sorry. i know how painful and confusing it can be. cuz you will eventually question yourself. you replay everything in your head. you hoped and wonder if you could have changed the outcome.

that kind of pain can make you question everything about yourself. ALOT.

and if that’s where you are right now, please know you’re not crazy, and you’re not alone.

at the same time, if you’re someone living with bipolar and reading this,
i hope you’re finding your way toward stability and healing. this illness can hurt everyone involved, including the person who has it. my heart genuinely goes out to you aswell. you deserve love too.

i’m still learning that healing isn’t about pretending everything is okay. or hiding and penting all of these feelings. because no matter what, it’ll be there.
it’s about accepting that some days will hurt, allowing yourself to feel those emotions without letting them define you, and trusting that you’ll make it through.
this ‘storm’.

soo.. if today is your storm, be gentle with yourself. you don’t have to have all the answers today. just keep taking the next step, one day at a time.

AND EVENTUALLYY, one day, i hope you all will look back and realize you survived a storm you once thought would never ever end.

hang in there guys.

this won’t be your forever.
there are always people walking this road with you.
someone out there understands.

wee’ree all in thisss togetherrr

ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊

I (31F) broke up with my BPBF (30M) a month ago. I was hopeful it would be a temporary break that would allow him to stabilize and pursue treatment after some truly abusive episodes, but it’s been a living nightmare. We have stayed in touch - frankly, it was too hard not to given that he was living in my apartment, his continued outreach, and my heartbreak - and sometimes it’s been good and reasonable conversation, but other times it’s just been pure bipolar rage directed nonstop at me. He has threatened to hurt / kill himself multiple times because of the abandonment he feels and I called 911 yesterday after another threat. They did a wellness check and I texted his family to let them know and that he needs serious help (which I’ve done a few times without much response or acknowledgment.)

His family told me via text that “for everyone’s sake,” they need to cut ties with me, I need to stop communicating with him and them immediately and they “wish me the best.” Now that he’s moved out of my apartment, I know no-contact is the best route, and it’s helpful to have such a firm boundary set by his family (although I found their communication to be quite cold and hurtful given that I’ve been emotionally and financially supporting my ex through these kinds of crises for several months, before and after the breakup). I’m somewhat relieved to be forced out of the chaos, but I’m heartbroken about all the time and energy and hope I’ve lost, the future I wanted, and the emptiness I feel in my life.

Does it get better?

Hi guys. I'm feel bad that I keep updating this story but I'm not entirely sure what think or feel. My GF was discharged yesterday and she actually reached out to me after 5 days of her being in the hospital. She said that she knows we need to talk about everything but she wants to be in a good headspace before she does. She also said that her mom is coming down and maybe she'll be able to help process everything she wants to say. She asked if our mutual friend can come grab some more things for herself while she stays at their house over the weekend.

My reply was short but along the lines of thank you for reaching out, im glad your mom can give you the support you need and I wish nothing but a speedy recovery. She said thank you which I didn't initially reply too but she sent another text a couple of minutes after saying she loved me. It honestly made me cry so fucking hard and I told her that I loved her but that was the last message we sent each other.

Our mutual friend sent a text saying that they had a good talk and she said its seem that she isn't making any rash decisions and it made me feel hopefully. I'm still scared though. I left for work and I guess my BPSO came over, 30ish minutes before I got home to grab the items herself. She talked with my parents and started showing them pictures of us, videos and what not but she didn't say anything about breaking up. My parents told me that she wasn't herself but she did call our cat " my boy " still. I'm hurting still but there's some hope in me that we aren't breaking up. I'm giving her the space she needs and im letting her make the first communication step.

I'm unsure of what to think of things. I know they upped her dosage again while she was institutionalized as well.