u/Downtown_Question_83

As much as we all talk about current/exBPSO, their behavior and actions, I find somewhat disturbing how many on here don’t think about their own actions. You all go your own way just to keep someone warm even if it’s destroying you. And you call it compassion and love. How can you love someone else when you don’t care of your own happiness and well being ??? I’m stunned

I don’t want to create fuss or anything, I’ve been there and now I could see it clearly. It was never really about them but me. I needed their attention and love, I needed to feel validated by them, and I sought that validation in a way that cost me my mental health, money and time. I really hope you all start loving yourselves, too. Amen

Just looking for encouragement

I’ve been with my spouse for 5 years and married for 3. What can I say, I love roller coasters but not of this kind. And yet, somehow I managed to get on it on and off for so long.

When I met them, I had just finished my associates and I was looking to pursue a bachelor degree. I had to pause my education and I thought this person obviously need some help, not realizing I will become a caregiver to a person who doesn’t want help or get better even when they are not in an episode and can think clearly for a brief h second. My mistake.

Long story short, I have lost my dream car, we had to move out from 2 apartments due to they’re erratic and unsafe behavior, I’ve slept in my car for over 50 times for the past years and even on a bench in a park a few times cuz I didn’t feel safe being in the same apt with them. I can recount so many things and don’t know if it’s just a need of a rant or a cry out for help. Oh yeah, they also threw away all my belongings, clothes, passport, paper work, shoes, expensive laptop, everything into the garbage.

They’ve been drinking again for the past month that ended up with police showing up. This guy really thought he could fight a police officer. Crazy. I had to contact his office and let the team know he is completely unhinged. To no avail though. You can’t help a person who doesn’t need help apparently. So I decided I’d rather be living in my car than go through this again and again.

Finishing up my bachelor degree with two more semester to go and I already failed a class that I’ll have to eventually retake. I’m def not living paycheck to paycheck so I know how important this is for me. While OS keeps playing video games and tells me I’m not doing enough.

I don’t really want to do this anymore. I don’t even know why I’m doing this and for what ? I’ve already been diagnosed with PTSD and we’re ruling out anxiety and stress disorder with my therapist.

Why is so hard to take better choices in my life? I might love my spouse deeply but I’ve been reminding myself that the reality my brain holds might not be true. Taking all the craziness into consideration, I should have known better.