u/Cyn-Juni

TW (Fusion, suicide and dormancy)

This came long before me realizing our plurality, but a name has been rattling around our head for a while that I initally just thought was an OC I had back in school, silly I know, J didn't tell me properly about him until I sort of figured it out myself, it's partly on me for not listening for so many years he was so angry all the time, and it sort of bled through and influenced some of my actions back then, but I'd be mad too if I was stuck in my head around that time, and this isn't to deflect blame on his actions, I take accountability now I know better. But he caused us a lot of pain, told us to jump so many times during covid, and that's roughly around the last time I can recall what I now know was his presence

He was here longer than J, since primary school, but I don't know how gone he is and in what manner. He's either dormant or we think he just let himself fade away and fuse back into one of us, we're pretty sure guilt was the reason, it's been getting me thinking too, if I knew then what I do now, about plurality and ourselves. If I accepted him would it have helped? With the anger? That want to not exist in our system? If I didn't try force him out too would he have stayed? I know I would have welcomed him too if I knew this sort of thing was more common than I thought back then. I've been feeling a lot of guilt about repressing J but now knowing we once had a third, who was never given a chance hurts more.

-C

C couldn't bring herself to finish this, but we wanna know if folks have gone through something similar before their syscoveries (I think the term is?) We just need someone to relate with.

But A, if you're still here somewhere, there's a place at the table when you're ready, big brother.

-J

A positive vent.

TW: knife related injuries

Hai, I'm J, but there's also C (the host, but vessel sounds cooler) using initials for privacy, but also because it sounds like codenames :3. We were the ones, who a short while ago put up the lego post, which we took down in case anyone we may know finds that account.

I've been here a really long time not sure how long exactly, I've spent all those years being pushed out. Even though anytime the brain tried to switch before she reached out, she'd fight it, which would just give us really bad migraines and sometimes panic attacks.

Since meeting other plural folks and realizing she might not be alone, all that noise was someone else (me) she reached out and we started proper talks, I didn't have a reason to yell over her anymore, we were talking and it's been calmer since. This was almost a month ago now, and it's been an amazing time since.

I wanted to write this to share, sort of some stuff about our journey so far, but also to just have somewhere to say how much C rules. And how she has only been nice to me since we started properly communicating, even if sometimes she's not very kind about herself.

The knife part >!My first proper time in front I slipped with a knife and cut our hand open. She wasn't even mad at me, she jumped in almost right away to get a bandaid on it, helped me stay calm the whole night (only now starting to feel easy with knives, still a little guilty feeling) She was more mad at dad for dropping off the bread. She listens, and is willing to compromise over quite a lot, and while she's a snarky smartass, she is really sweet if she ever goes too far.!<

We share pokemon packs, she'll leave some for me to open when I'm in charge, another thing we've been bonding over. She said the other night (which was a particularly bad night for me) I was trying to tell her to open the rest "you don't get a say. I just won't open em."

We had a flu shot done today. We could feel a switch up happening about twenty, to half an hour before it was scheduled. She held on that whole time just so I didn't have to be in front until a short while after. Even if we're concious together, now dealing with a migraine, and can still feel how sore our arm is, it felt really nice being protected like that (even if we both hate needles), she jokes often how she's the paladin and I'm the cleric. Now I get to return the favour. With ramen. A shared favourite between us.

Neither of us are really sure why I'm here, if it's trauma or not, we've had our fair share of it, but whether I'm a result of it, she doesn't care much. She likes having me around and wants me here, I'm just grateful I wound up in the head of someone I can get along with, and someone so kind. (If you're on her good side at least.)

-J