TIFU i sent my boss a screenshot of me talking shit about him
so yesterday i almost had a heart attack over whatsapp and im still not fully recovered tbh. my boss Derek is one of those were all family here guys which somehow always means he needs something from you at 6:30 pm when youre already mentally in sweatpants. every message from him starts with quick question and somehow ends with me reopening excel and questioning my life choices. yesterday i was literally standing in my kitchen heating up leftover lasagna like fork already in hand when he messages me at 6:47 asking if i can redo an entire report because the font looked a little inconsistent. the font. i dont even remember exactly what i was thinking because i was annoyed and hungry but i took a screenshot and sent it with the caption this man would rearrange deck chairs on the Titanic and call it leadership. my friend usually sends back dumb memes or skull emojis so i hit send without thinking. then i looked at the chat. it was Derek. not my friend. Derek. my actual boss. i swear my whole body went cold. like that awful dropping feeling in your stomach when you know you just did something you cannot undo. whatsapp had already shown read. so that was great. for like fifteen maybe twenty minutes i just paced around my apartment in socks not even eating thinking about whether i could fake my own death and move to portugal or something. finally he replied can you give me a call? which is probably the most terrifying sentence. i called him and i was basically rehearsing unemployment in my head. he was quiet for a second and then said well... that was not meant for me i assume. i said no and immediately started apologizing like an idiot. he actually laughed which honestly made it worse because i had no idea if i was being fired or if he was storing this for later. then he said if i felt like he was nitpicking too much hed rather i say something before it got to this point. so we had this weirdly awkward but actually decent conversation. i told him the constant little revisions were driving me nuts and making every task feel ten times longer. he said upper management has been breathing down his neck and hes probably been overdoing it. he didnt exactly pour his heart out or anything but he sounded more human than usual. today he sent me the report back with no comments except looks good. then at the end of our morning call he said try not to sink the ship. so i guess im still employed although i may never know peace again every time i hit send.
tl;dr tried to send my friend a screenshot roasting my boss and sent it to my boss instead. spent twenty minutes assuming i was fired. somehow im still employed and now Derek has a new favorite joke.