u/DGReddAuthor

Technically it's tomorrow (Saturday), but we decided to both take the day off today (Friday) instead. You know, it's hard to have time as a couple on a weekend with kids. We're both on the 40 end of 40-45.

So the plan was:

1. drop the kids at school

2. get a coffee

3. go indoor rock climbing

4. go to sweat chill (hot room, then icebath type of place)

5. go to lunch at the fanciest restaurant around

6. chill out

7. pick up kids

Things didn't go to plan. We had to skip the rock climbing because we were too busy climbing each other.

We also bought thoughtful gifts for each other. Nothing big, but those kinds of things you want but don't bother to get yourself. I got a tin whistle, and she got a Firefly comic.

Lovely day. I love my life.

Obviously the government is downloading A.I. spy agents to our phones to listen to our telegram messages.

Will wrapping it up in foil stop them? My barrister says "yes", but I'm concerned the courts have got to him.

I know turning it off won't work because they already control the electricity supply.

I bought all of it, and there's a lot of options. I don't want to do a tutorial, I just want to do Grand Campaigns.

In older Total Wars, there's always a sort of order to play the factions. Generally based on difficulty to meet win objectives. Does such exist here?

I haven't played it yet. Waiting for the 87 terrabytes to download.

I've played all the Total War games up to Rome II. Since then I've not played any newer releases, and really have only played Empire for the last... 17 years... I'm old.

There's just something about Empire. I think it's the map, having a whole world? The vastly different units too? Maybe I really like muskets and don't realise?

Do you think I'm likely to enjoy these made up fantasy Total Wars?

Every few years I dust this game off.

On turn 1, I recruited some line infantry from London, moved my England and Ireland armies to the channel.

On turn 2 I loaded it all on a boat and invaded France. By turn 3 I have taken Paris.

Meanwhile, I've taken Cuba and lost Rupert's Land.

Is this a viable strategy? I've now got a land border with Spain and French bitches are popping up everywhere.

Not Empire II, that mod is terrible. Not Napolean: Total War, the map is too limiting.

What I really like:

• Turn-based campaign map
• A campaign map
• Battles
• Muskets and line-infantry
• The relatively small historical timeline
• Naval battles

I just watched through them all these last 4 days.

In my opinion, the first film is clearly the best. But I know lots of people rate #4 higher, and one insane person rated #5 better.

In my estimation: 1, Balboa, II, IV, III, V. If we're counting the original IV with the sexy robot, then it falls behind Mr T.

Me (m45) and girlfriend (f25) have been together for about 7 years. I say "about" because I was her computer science teacher and we never really had a conversation about being official.

We live in separate apartments, though in the same building. We used to live in separate buildings, but when she left her mum and dad's to her own place, I moved into the same building so we could be close. Her apartment is actually the one below mine.

It's been a tumultuous time, but if I'm honest the excitement of our relationship is one of the things which keeps me coming back to her. One of the things she likes to do is tease me.

She teases me by having guys over. This is fine and part of the relationship dynamic. I watch (from a camera I tied to a rope and lower over the balcony) and imagine myself being the guy. She has crossed the line a few times by inviting the same guy more than once, but a simple man-to-man talk with them after they leave has so far sorted them out.

While she hasn't directly spoken to me, I know she's been writing erotica (I installed some monitoring software on her computer). She didn't make any sales at first, but I solved that.

It costs about $700 a month, but I have a few bots that buy and leave reviews of her erotica. This seems to have really inspired her because she works really hard writing the erotica.

Her erotica is okay. Not great.

The problem is the masturbation. I'm not a prude, but the thing is, it's hard to watch. Every time she's writing and her pen hand gets lower, she gets up from the desk, to the bed, and goes under her bed covers. I know from the sounds and writhing that she's masturbating, but she's breaking the understanding of letting me watch.

I thought maybe it was a part of a new game. I snuck down to listen against her front door, but I couldn't see. Of course, I have a spare key. However, it's really hard to see anything in the dark from the hallway (the angles aren't quite right). I did think maybe she wanted me to stand just inside the room, but when I did that she screamed (I got out so fast and shut the door so quiet I was gone before she even turned on the light).

Right now I can see her bed covers moving (rope camera). Should I say something to her about this? I'm worried I'm overreacting and it will negatively affect our relationship. I could write her a letter and leave it in her pillow?

It just doesn't seem fair anymore. We've been together years, and I'm still a virgin. I like the games. I really do. But why is she choosing masturbation over me? I'm not a jealous person, but this is starting to make me angry.

This is 100% a real story.

I recently read about a sensory deprivation experiment. You cut a ping pong ball in half and tape the halves over your eyes. Then you turn on a red light and wear headphones playing noise.

You apparently get hallucinations.

I thought it would be a good way to get some ideas for writing. Don't get me wrong, I've got tonnes of ideas, I'm an ideas person. The problem is the ideas are boring.

How many times have we all read the same stuff? Girl meets guy, they date, turns out he's a multi-cocktacled space monster sent to breed with human women to save his race blah blah blah squirt squirt ejaculating tentacles.

Maybe you give him a jacket, or a pussy-based tentacle... but the core is still the same.

I thought this sensory deprivation might help.

So I stripped down, oiled up, taped balls against my eyes and cranked the pink noise to 11. The problem was... I was alone.

I remained naked, possibly erect, well beyond the hours I'd had set aside. You see, as a soon to be celebrated author, I don't "work" in the traditional sense. My girlfriend does, but I stay home and create.

My plan was to sensory depraved masturbation for a few hours after girlfriend left for work. In my hallucinated state, I lost track of time. Not only had I not washed the oil and lube from the sheets, I was still laying on them.

Anyway, she left. I'm not sure if she'll return my calls. I'm actually not sure what day it is, it's very easy to lose track with this setup (yes I tried it a couple more times).

You might be wondering where I fucked up? Well, I keep forgetting to write down my ideas. I know they're *good*, the cumstains on the ceiling are testament, I just cannot remember them.

Hi, I'm a righter. I need someone to check over the below exert. The scene is told through the eyes of one the soon-to-be harem members.

>A jolt a sizzling passion rippled through my vagina as he came down the stairs. It was a mess, but he didn't care. His mighty pelvic bellows busted out in waves, adding a new beige colour scheme to the parlour.
>
>"Oh my god," my clitoris said me. "Is that who I think it is?"
>
>I really needed to do a better job of keeping my skirt down, and my undies on. "Mind your own business."
>
>"Mmph, ummf," my magic-cum-button mumbled. "Hmph."
>
>"Shh, he'll hear you." I held my hand over the stupid thing harder.
> >But it was too late. Emptied for the time being, Brando Sando, the author, released his enormous (but not too big) penis and approached. Unfortunately, the blood flow to my pussy and anus caused me to faint.

Look, I get it. I do.

You've got a pin dick, or your husband/boyfriend does. You see me swinging wildly as I dismount my ute truck, meaty thwack of ball on thigh, and you're jealous.

I'm sorry that my alpha masculinity frightens you, but I'm not going to change. A Man needs to protect his family, and in this crazy world of African gangs and Lebanese crime families, that takes a big truck.

I know you can't drive a big truck. a big truck like mine needs a big man behind the wheel. Two wild beasts, barely contained by society.

That's why it's so dangerous to talk shit about me. The barely contained animal within me might break out. I might lose control, and you don't want to see that.

I'm dangerous when I'm angry.

When did we become a country that makes fun of a man for the size of his truck? When did it become acceptable?

In times past, men gave each other a solid nod when passing by. A simple acknowledgement that you both decided not to come to blows.

All you pissant little men need to learn something. I'm a dangerous caged animal. If you test me on the wrong day, I will ravage you. I will grab your arse and make you feel my rage.

Don't think I won't. Every time I see you laugh and point I'm almost overwhelmed by the desire to pull you into my big truck, to thrust my muscles against yours, to test who's strongest, who gets to be on top.

You have been warned. Stop it.

I know years ago, before Uber eats, you could get AirTasker jobs to deliver KFC.

so... how can I get a Mr Charlie's burger delivered to me, 50km away?