So many I am willing to chat and go through them if anyone is interested and willing to guide me. I am doing this for my mother she acquired these years ago from an old man who collected them for a hobby.
Woke up early morning like usual. 1st day at a new place. I am blessed at the moment and grateful. I am sad and sitting here understanding that I am just going to focus on things that bring me joy and allow myself to rest and rebuild. My sister is hopefully moving out of my grandpas old home and rent is nothing basically and I am going to move there and enjoy my life and hopefully build me a sanctuary to run to when the world is stupid. Thinking of getting some chickens for meat and eggs. We shall see. I would like to fix the place up and just use the time to myself for a long while. I have no desire for anyone but one and so there I shall stay and rest and grow and heal from all the shit I caused myself as well and the shit others cause me. I am happy to be alone in no commitment to be told where are you what are you doing omg.... Its one thing to reasure another to ummmm nadda. but anyways I sit here and think to myself without someone taking up my time ... hehe I will have time. I am focused on a few steps at the moment for stability however my dreams shall not end. I will have fun and crazy thing is me and my Dad haev grown closer through all this .... this is the first time I have been in such a desperate need for help I see that but deep down I needed to feel the pain of things so that my heart would be strong enough to grow and grow past others illusions and projections and lies its funny bc they are doing things to me that was expected of me to do to them but yea thats how the justification goes ... toxic games is all. It is getting better with ya know who but still I feel his ears may be full if you know what I mean. Best for the kids ... kids safe... yea all of a sudden. Mothers mental health doesnt matter bc I can blame her now and use it. Truly sick to be honest the level that its gotten to and God knows and they know but yea one day they will face the pain caused one day God will show them and eyes will be opened. Whats most sad is the person they have to paint me to be in order for them to inflict so much justification to do to me... Im sure they all say she deserved it. Im sure his mom says such things with no full facts given to others just to make me look bad to others... its so sad that they have no humanity in them left. Its sad the day they know the end is coming ... I no feel pity for them now. Knowing God has been with me even in the moments I could not be there for myself..... I am weak and I am strong and they cant face their truth at all I mean yalllll at all. They hide thinking its all hidden.... well it wasnt so yea but you think not. I am happy now not sitting inside your triangle or shall i say square of shit. I am free from the Projected guilt and possible shame I am not so sure.... But yea I felt shame i felt guilt and I stood up and spoke my sins you oh no no no no they stay hidden so you look bad and I look good I mean your worthy of blah blah card after card "sorry" Sorry" you deserve better but no you really didn think so the mother of your children... nope. But Mitzi the married women you met when you got out of jail when you moved in with your sisters and dad. So yea... then I came along and was punished since and attacked since that very day and every day since by not just my family but yours also bc you could only make me pay for your pain bc I took it and I kept going and you about destroyed me and maybe you still may who knows ... I wont put anything past you and your families toxic hearts who have no desire to actually grow and heal instead you enable one another to hurt others and yes its so sad. Depressing trying to love someone who is never able to love me... that was not love that was control of the narrative with the back up to do so. Enjoy I will say I will fight for my kids like hell so the news will hear about it if you keep on trying all people will know the truth of it all.