u/DSPoh

Hi everyone, long time listener, first time called here. My father had CAA and rapidly declined over 18 months or so before dying from an inevitable stroke back in 2016. I remember having a crash course in having to cope and learn to be a caregiver for someone with dementia. This subreddit was always such a great place to visit and learn from.

Now flash forward to today and my mother-in-law has recently been diagnosed with dementia. She is still getting tests done, so TBD on exactly what kind, but I have noticed her family making a lot of the classic mistakes when communicating with her. I am trying to offer advice and guidance for my wife, but I also understand sometimes you just have to figure things out as you go. However, I wanted to see if anyone had any good book recommendations, specifically for her two adult daughters and her husband, and perhaps even her herself, that may speed up that process.

A bit more context: we have noticed mental decline over the past year or so and have been pressuring her to bring up her memory issues with her PCP. After months of gentle nudging, she finally did and he referred her to a neurologist. He confirmed it with some cognitive tests and MRIs. She is 75 and lives with her husband.

I have seen the trust break down between the two of them and she is constantly accusing him of messing with her financials and "hiding" things from her. Its hard to tell what is classic dementia paranoia and what is reality, but I do know the way he communicates is certainly not helping whatsoever. To say he lacks empathy is an understatement and is often explaining things in very overcomplicated and convoluted ways, talks down to her, and repeatedly throws her diagnosis in her face.

My wife and her mom are extremely close and I see her getting frustrated a lot when her mom is looping on something or saying something that is not true, etc. I am trying to tell her how to redirect and understand how hard this from her mom's point of view.

ANYWAYS, I digress. While I don't think my advice falls on deaf ears, I believe there must be some books out there that could help. Especially in this very early stage where she is still independent.

From some research I found this list of books. Any I am missing? For those who have been in a similar situation, did any of these books or others really help you or your family?

• Still Alice — Lisa Genova
• My Two Elaines — Martin Schreiber
• Learning to Speak Alzheimer's — Joanne Koenig Coste
• Creating Moments of Joy — Jolene Brackey
• What I Wish People Knew About Dementia — Wendy Mitchell
• Somebody I Used to Know — Wendy Mitchell

And maybe for my mother-in-law herself:

• Living Your Best With Early Stage Alzheimer's — Lisa Snyder
• Alzheimer's from the Inside: A Doctor's Personal Journey of Hope — Dr. Wendy Bute
• What the Hell Happened to My Brain? Living Beyond Dementia — Kate Swaffer
• Dementia Reimagined — Dr. Tia Powell

THANK YOU!