u/Daemonvs

My girlfriend (21F) and I (22M) have been together for about 1.5 years. A few months ago we broke up after a rough period of constant arguments. We stayed apart for 4 days with zero contact, then talked things out and got back together.

After we got back together, I made a mistake. Out of insecurity and curiosity, I checked her Instagram and WhatsApp messages. We have each other’s passwords, but we’ve never been the type to snoop through each other’s phones, so I know I crossed a line there.

What I found completely messed with my head.

Literally the day after we broke up, she started talking to another guy from our city. Within those 4 days she had already given him her number, sent him a post-shower pajama pic showing part of her thigh, and invited him to go clubbing later that month.

Meanwhile, those 4 days absolutely destroyed me emotionally. I couldn’t think about anything except her, so seeing how quickly she seemed ready to move on really hurt.

What bothers me even more is that she still talks to this guy occasionally even now that we’re back together. And from what I saw, she never mentioned having a boyfriend to him, despite the fact he was clearly flirting with her.

I’m scared to bring it up because I was suspicious of one of her male friends once before and I ended up being completely wrong, and she got really hurt by it. I’m also scared of how she’ll react if she finds out I went through her phone.

She always tells me she’d never cheat because she’s been cheated on before and knows how awful it feels. She says she wouldn’t still be with me if she didn’t love me.

But honestly, I can’t get this out of my head. I keep feeling like I’m easily replaceable, like I’m the current boyfriend while this other guy is the backup option if things go bad again.

How would you handle a situation like this without sounding controlling or insecure? And how do you move past the feeling that your partner already had someone lined up emotionally during a breakup?

EDIT: I want to clarify something because I think some people misunderstood the situation. I honestly do NOT think she ever hooked up with this guy, went out with him, or cheated on me during our relationship. During those 4 days apart she invited him out, but as far as I know they never actually met up.

They also don’t really talk on WhatsApp anymore and haven’t for months. The contact now is mostly him replying to her Instagram stories occasionally. He’s still kind of around, but not actively flirting from what I can see.

What actually bothers me the most is not what she did while we were broken up. Technically we were single. What hurts more is the idea that she may still feel some attraction toward him while continuing to keep contact and never mentioning she has a boyfriend.

Seeing how quickly she connected with someone else during those 4 days made me feel extremely replaceable and honestly like complete garbage, especially because I was emotionally destroyed during the breakup.

But the worst feeling now is thinking that she may still have some attraction toward him and that if we ever break up again, she’ll immediately go back to him.

She also knows I’d probably dislike that, and she knows I could see the messages at any time since we both have each other’s passwords, which makes the situation even more confusing to me.

Olá, pessoal. Queria desabafar e ouvir opiniões sinceras porque essa situação está me consumindo faz um tempo.

Eu (22H) e minha namorada (21M) estamos juntos há 1 ano e meio. Alguns meses atrás, acabamos terminando por causa de brigas frequentes. Grande parte disso vinha de uma dificuldade minha em lidar com discussões. Quando nós discutiamos eu simplesmente travava, começava a chorar ou ficar sem conseguir falar nada, e isso foi desgastando muito a relação. Ficamos 4 dias sem nos falar até que resolvemos conversar e voltar.

Quando reatamos, prometi que ia procurar ajuda profissional para tentar lidar melhor com isso. Cumpri a promessa e hoje faço acompanhamento com psicólogo, mas ainda tenho muita vergonha de tocar especificamente nesse assunto nas sessões.

O problema começou depois que voltamos. Por curiosidade e insegurança, acabei olhando as conversas dela no Instagram e no WhatsApp. Nós temos a senha um do outro, mas nunca fomos de fiscalizar celular, então eu sei que errei nisso.

Só que o que encontrei me deixou muito mal. Literalmente no dia seguinte ao término ela começou a conversar com um cara da nossa cidade. Em menos de 4 dias já tinha passado o WhatsApp pra ele, mandado foto pós-banho de pijama mostrando a coxa e chamado ele pra ir em uma balada no fim do mês.

Enquanto isso, aqueles 4 dias pra mim foram horríveis. Eu estava destruído, sem conseguir pensar em outra coisa além dela. Ver que ela aparentemente conseguiu seguir tão rápido me machucou muito.

O pior é que seguimos juntos, mas ela ainda mantém contato com esse cara até hoje. Não conversam toda hora, mas ainda existe contato. E pelo que vi, ela nunca falou pra ele que namora, mesmo sendo bem óbvio que ele tinha interesse nela naquela época.

Tenho medo de conversar sobre isso por alguns motivos. Primeiro porque uma vez eu já desconfiei de um amigo dela e estava completamente errado. Ela ficou muito ofendida na época. Ela sempre fala que jamais me trairia porque já passou por isso e sabe como dói, e diz que não estaria comigo se não me amasse. O segundo motivo é a reação dela ao descobrir que eu mexi no celular.

Só que guardar isso sozinho está acabando comigo. Fico com a sensação de ser facilmente substituível, como se eu fosse o namorado “oficial”, mas ele fosse o plano B caso a gente brigue ou termine de novo. Desde que vi aquelas conversas, não consigo tirar isso da cabeça.

Queria ouvir opiniões sinceras. Eu estou sendo otário por me importar tanto com algo que aconteceu enquanto estávamos separados, mesmo tendo sido só 4 dias? Acham que é motivo de separação ela ainda conversar com esse maldito?