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I was only diagnosed with OCD a couple weeks ago at age 25. I've always struggled with sensory issues, obsessions, and feeling like I don't quite fit in.
A couple years ago, a friend told me, "If you just forgot all of your problems, you'd be fantastic." For little ol OCD me, yes I was the problem.
I reflect that all problems are invented. It's not always an option to choose the degree to which you care about something, but you can always choose your attitude towards the thing you care about.
I was involved in a short and intense relationship last fall. The actual dating portion of our relationship lasted around a month. I've never had a steady relationship, but that was more due to general bitterness and unintegrated trauma than the OCD (though I imagine the OCD played a role in how all-consuming the bitterness was).
It's been 6 months since I've had any contact with this ex. It's been a rollercoaster. Finally seeing what she saw, being delusion that I might win her back, feeling angry that she left. We had some mutual friends who also ghosted me. That was the most confusing part for me and I found it very difficult to let go.
I cared about those people, all very deeply.
I feel a lot better now. I'm not proud of some intermittent insta/tiktok stalking, but it's been pretty revealing. I've spent the last 6 months obsessing over what I did wrong and what I could've done better. Moreover, I obsessed over rethinking my every single relationship. I discovered a lot of unintegrated trauma from being raised by emotionally immature parents (highly recommend the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents"). I've obsessed and second guessed everything. I've truthfully found a lot of good. I've also found a lot that I've slowly been working on changing (all the way down to the posture and orientation of my head, neck, tongue, shoulders, ribs, pelvis, hips, knees, ankles. The way I stand, sit, walk, run, chase after a ping pong ball, drink a beer. The design of my room. My habits and hobbies. Diet. Work. Motivation. Attitude towards women, attitude towards friends, attitude towards myself). Then I look at my ex's reposts and can't help but feel disappointed. She has BPD, an abusive terrible mother, an emotionally weak father, and has struggled to maintain friendships. She has a very good heart and a beautiful soul. But I forget that people don't obsess like I do. Her reposts still show a lot of her same patterns. I don't know the ways or to what extent she grew from our brief romance, but I think my initial estimate borne of longing and self-flagellation was an overestimate.
I don't hate my ex. I feel sorry for her. I hope that she grows and changes and I imagine she likely will, she has a good heart after all. But then I think of my parents and how they largely seem to be the same as they always have been. What folly. I believe that people change, by and large. In aggregate the world will always become a better place. I believe this. People change. Individuals might not.
Where does that leave me?
The world is full of messed up people. Not bad people but certainly messed up. Hurt people hurt people and all that, it's really sad. I want to fix people and I've been told I'm good at it (my ex more than once expressed that I should be a therapist, but my engineering paycheck says otherwise). But people are not to be fixed. They can't be. I have no control over their mind. All I can do is ask questions that might make them think.
This is where my OCD can come back in. I've always obsessed over my relationships. It was painful to realize that all of my obsession caused me to end up viewing my friends and lovers for the roles they play in my life. That's not to say I didn't care about them. I do. But the word "objectification" comes to mind.
My obsession will not go away. I am an individual. In this respect, it would not be wise to assume that I can change.
I have a recurring fantasy about giving an interview or a speech because I did something incredible. It's always been a pretty shallow ego game. But I think I can hijack it and make it work for me. Why not spend those minutes praising how the people in my life have affected me? Even my old asshole coworker who I used to daydream about punching gave me good engineering advice: "Never come with empty hands."
I'm very happy about this set up for two reasons. First, it drives narratives. I reflect on all the good things about the people in my life and relate them to specific behaviors that I have. I associate myself with positive qualities. Second, it builds a habit of seeing the complexity in people. Sometimes people show me what not to do. I can associate the learned positive behavior with myself and internally thank the person for showing me. No moral judgment. If I were to talk about it, I might mention how I learned it, but would do so tactfully and keep the focus on the positive impacts.
Anyway, I think this is pretty solidly recognizable as an r/OCD post so I'll stop here. Please comment any questions and/or comments, I love talking about these things. All the better if it might be helpful for someone :)