Just letting off steam / misgendering
So... here goes nothing. I just need to get this off my chest.
I'm nearly 2 years on T. Had top surgery. And in like 1 or 2 months I'll have my hysterectomy. So things are going forward in that case and I feel like myself more and more.
But the more time passes the more I can't stand - and feel extremely dysphoric - when people misgender me - which happens CONSTANTLY. Not even one time someone saw me and really saw... me. Always "she/her" and calling me "lady" etc.
At first I was like "yea okay, happens." or felt okay about it - well, it still hurt, but i could igore it much easier.
But now? Everytime I doubt myself, I feel dysphoric or even start crying, feeling worthless...
Last week I had a tattoo appointment and I had to write down my pronouns and name (which is my chosen name and sounds pretty masc), but at the end they STILL referred to me as "she". And even though I was overwhelmed with joy about the tattoo it really REALLY hurt.
Or the people I know who at least say "he/him", they still say things like "let the boys do this".
It just feels like no matter what I do, nobody seems me for who I am, nobody sees me at all. I have a lil beard at least, but nobody cares aswell.
All I am is a woman to everyone. Idk what I do, what to do, it makes me feel like shit.
When I tell my friends I just hear "why you give a damn? WE call you what you are." - YEA, that's not the point. It just makes me shut up about it...
Really, I just feel like whit, sometimes I think to myself that I just have to live with the fact that I'll never be seen as a man...
I'm tired... I'm just so SO tired...
Thank you for letting me write this all out.