Buckle up Reddit this is a long one but I reallyd appreciate your help.
I [20F] love my girlfriend [19F] but long distance isn’t working. Me and my girlfriend fake name Sage are long distance. We live about an hour away from each other, me in the city and her in the suburbs. For background: I’ve been in love with her for a while. We met at summer camp when we were both in middle school (though she’s a year younger than I am). Honestly since the moment I met her I think I’ve been in love. Even though we live far away from each other our parents could see how much we cared about each other and have been supportive in helping us meet up on weekends/breaks from school. Also it helped that me, Sage, my twin sister Emma, and mutual bestie Daisy were all a friend group together so we would all go visit each other together.
Me and Sage started dating when I was a freshman in high school and she was in 8th grade. We both struggle to some degree with mental health although Sage does much much more. Especially when we were younger our relationship was very unhealthy. Examples are texting/calling every day and she would express deep disappointment if we didn’t; situations where I would feel responsible for her feelings or safety. Often times also back then if Sage was deeply emotionally struggling she would call me so I could make her feel better. Also Sage struggles with mood swings so when her and I hung out a bunch I’d grown accustomed to adapting very specifically my behavior so she didn’t get sad, stressed, upset, etc. Back then that made it hard for most of my friends including sometimes even Daisy or Emma to hang out with her.
Always though the two of us have been very happy around each other. I love her so much it feels like I am only completely whole around Sage and I know she feels the same. In the honey moon era she was all I could think about and because we texted and called so much it was definitely easier to maintain a strong long distance relationship then. After a while of long distance dating some of the unhealthy relationship things came to a head when there was a few weeks where most of what we did was argue. I told Sage I needed to call and see her less often. I didn’t talk to her as much for the next couple months after that although we did meet up a little bit where things were tense and awkward.
Then Sage went to a mental hospital in California (I live in Washington) which didn’t allow many calls. When she came back from California after not seeing each other for what felt like forever immediately it was like me and Sage fell in love all over again. But it was different. After so much time our love is still so strong for each other even though we don’t always say it or show it. I believe our relationship is a a lot healthier than before BUT we have started to dare I say fizzle out. We just don’t talk much at all. Still living far away from each other and with college plus jobs making us both very busy we haven’t had the opportunity to see each other in person very much at all. When we were younger it’s not like we weren’t busy but we still made time for each other. But now we don’t meet up often and we don’t even call or text much at all either! When we do meet up though we are completely in love and expressing care physically and emotionally.
I want more from our relationship. I know living together isn’t an option for me and Sage right now but at least I just want someone who I can see a few days a week and kiss. Me and Sage have talked before about being open so we can pursue other people cause our needs aren’t being met living so far away from each other but that was a long time ago. After Sage got back from California we’ve been exclusive. I know I should probably start by having a conversation with Sage just about that I love her and wanna stay in a relationship with her but that I also want to see others (there’s a bunch of cute girls/guys at my university) I’ve just kind of tried to bring it up in a low key way before and she shrugged the conversation off. Also sometimes before Sage has gotten jealous of my friendships with other people or the way I’m able to spend time with some people more than her and I don’t know that it would be a good idea for me to date others. On my end it sounds hard but fun and really worth trying. It’s also worth adding Sages social circle is very tight and she doesn’t have a whole lot of people she’s close to. It doesn’t help that a bit back she had a falling out with Daisy plus she just moved to a new job she knows no one at. I know that our relationship is a lot healthier than it used to be and I think honestly we can talk about anything. I just don’t know how to go about any of this.