Unsure what to do
Apologies if this gets rambley.
So my grandmother is 87, and showing signs of dementia. We went to her primary doctor and they said she had "mild cognitive impairment" based on one test that was filling out a single sheet of paper and answering a couple questions, but referred us to a neurologist. We went to a neurologist to try and get a more in depth diagnosis, and apparently this neurologist focused on strokes or something because this bitch was no help. All she worried about was physical issues, like muscle weakness, not cognitive issues hardly at all.
My grandmother straight up refuses to live in an assisted living facility. She is adamant that she wants to live in her current house until she dies. She is also in denial about her dementia issues and drinking heavily because of the denial. Grandma will admit she has memory issues, but that is all she claims it is.
She's been okay with letting us take over most of the business stuff, like bills, but she still tries to go in and reorganize everything when we aren't here.
The drinking is making things deteriorate quicker, which is challenging because she has always been an obstinate person, and one who is very unafraid to burn bridges. To the point, we worry that if we offend her too much, say by saying she has dementia or how she will more likely perceive it as 'she is not capable', she will cut off contact. She does respect what doctors say, so if a doctor gives an official diagnosis, she will have to at least somewhat acknowledge it.
We don't encourage the drinking, but we haven't stopped her because we try to respect her autonomy, but also, she is a happy drunk; annoying, but happy. So she is less argumentative and less objectionable when she is allowed to have her liquor.
We don't know how to get her to go back to the doctor, or how to get the doctor to refer her to a different neurologist, one who specializes in dementia hopefully, because I cannot stress how unhelpful the last one was.
I guess I'm asking for help, ideas, suggestions? We're trying to respect her autonomy but we're getting towards the area where that is getting more challenging.
We also disagree on which stage she's at. The people who live downstairs are happy and willing to help her out, and have told us whatever we need, just ask. My mom firmly believes Grandma is at the stage we cannot leave her alone. I believe she is at the stage that we cannot leave her alone for more than like a weekend, with the downstairs people checking on her a couple times a day(they have a dog she likes to play with so they can use that as a reason).
I guess I'm just asking for general advice. Sorry its so long and rambly, I've had very little sleep and this entire situation is stressing the hell out of me.