u/DancingManinRed

Of course there are some people out there whose primary focus is health. HOWEVER, the majority of general conversation around fat people does not come from a place of concern. I have seen soooooo many people go on and on about how they are proudly fatphobic because they dont believe in being unhealthy or promoting an unhealthy lifestyle. ALL of them drink regularly, vape or smoke, and NEVER actually speak about diet or exercise. The only time they choose to weigh in on health debates is to say they dont agree with glorifying fatties.

I am sorry but it is so so hard to believe you are concerned about health when you have a candyfloss vape glued to your hand and you have never once spoken on health related matters until a fat person decided to exist and not publicly hate themselves.

Why is it so difficult for some people to just own the fact they dont like fat people. You dont need to hide behind the ‘I just care about health’ shield…you can just…not like fat people? Maybe if more people were honest with themselves they would be able to unpack why they feel so enraged by the existence and joy of fat people, and in doing so live a life less burdened by pointless anger and hatred.

i am so sick of people trying to placate themselves by insisting their vitriol towards other people based on their appearance is actually because they care about the wellbeing of others.

I need to preface this, there have been times i have LOVED Sutton. But this whole season, and the reunion, has felt like shes embodied Kyle and Erika’s issues with Dorit and adopted them as her own.

Now, I know Sutton doesnt like Dorit and never really has. But she seems to REALLY be going in at her this season over stuff that seems…not that significant. I really feel like if Kyle and Erika ended up having an okay relationship with Dorit again then Sutton would try to follow suit just to not feel left out or like shes going against them.

She just seems to really really want to be close with both Kyle and Erika and whatever they think or feel massively influences her.

I’m wondering, why??? what is it about these two that makes Sutton want to be part of their friendship so much…They are the two with the least going on storyline wise this season???

Almost every time I publish any piece of writing online, whether it be a comment on something, an article, or a post on Facebook, someone immediately says “AI”…

I used to use the em dash as well; you best believe that’s gone from my writing now, haha. I’m also a fan of “it’s not just… it’s…” sometimes! Or should I say, was.

It has actually made my writing worse because now I find myself deliberately writing more poorly than I usually would just to avoid the AI accusations.

I see it in comments under other people’s writing as well. It almost seems like anyone who writes clearly, uses proper grammar, and can make compelling arguments is accused of AI usage. Now of course there are people who use AI, and I understand the “signs” that indicate when AI is likely to have been used… but is AI’s writing style inadvertently making people worse at writing?

edit: kinda disheartening that I posted this looking for a discussion around is AI inadvertently making writing worse and many people don’t want to engage with that at all.

adam standing his ground on the fact he was bullied and distinguishing between when the banter became bullying and being so vocal about it is so important.

This post might be boring or ‘the friend who’s too woke’ for a lot of people, but as someone with a social sciences degree I found how this all played out fascinating and felt it important to discuss.

this entire situation has really highlighted how may adults seem to think that 1. an adult man can’t be bullied, 2. that bullying is banter and 3. How comfortable we have gotten as a society with bullying that now when it’s right in front of us we still want to down play it.

This is so important for young people to see, especially young people joining the work force. I have seen some horrific cases of bullying in the work place in my time. All of which get swept under the rug. Excused as ‘well so and so is just like that.‘ Or ‘it’s only banter’ or ‘you’re being too sensitive‘ (the later is usually reserved for women, but as we’ve seen it can happen to men too)

if you’re a conflict avoidant person, this can be even more tricky. You yourself are quick to dismiss it and laugh along, not wanting to make others uncomfortable. I’ve seen this so many times too, and experienced it myself. Then when everyone around you is dismissing it as ‘banter’ you think you’re crazy. You believe you are just too sensitive. You’re seeing things wrong.

if it feels wrong, it usually is. But trying to trust your gut can be difficult.

people can be bullies without even consciously meaning to be, and that’s important to acknowledge as well. It doesn’t excuse behaviour, but it’s important to look at because people often don’t even realise when they’re going too far. And without being able to distinguish that, it makes it hard to know the line.

so why is what happened to Adam bullying and not banter?

Davids comments towards Adam were personal, relentless, and didn’t stop even when asked to. I do believe this started as banter, bullying often does. But it became bullying when Adam told David, sternly, that was enough. David didn’t listen and continued on. It became bullying when it stopped being just about trials, and became direct insults of Adam’s character. it became bullying when it was clear Adam was distressed and David wouldn’t let up. It became bullying when David was dismissing Adam’s disability, basically saying he didnt even believe it was a real thing (lol btw, David Haye MD apparently), and calling him a victim for it.

why did so many people not speak up/are still justifying it?

because so many people (particularly of a certain generation) have been conditioned to not see bullying unless it’s physical, overtly violent. that’s why Sinitta is more appalled at Adam’s outburst at Jimmy than she is at David’s behaviour. To Sinitta it’s only bullying when it‘s undeniably aggressive. A lot of people also don’t want to make things awkward and want to keep the peace. calling someone’s behaviour bullying feels like you’re attacking them. I think there is also a fear for a certain type of person of coming across as ‘too woke’…hear me out…Calling out behaviour that has previously been deemed acceptable has become synonymous with being ‘woke’…Being ‘woke’ has become synonymous with being overly sensitive or dramatic, weak. Certain types of people, people who pride themselves more on being seen as ‘sensible’ and ‘strong’ than on being understanding and gentle are too afraid to align themselves with behaviour that might make them seem ‘woke’. They resent the way society is evolving and they dont want to be seen to be leaning in to it. They would rather try to justify the behaviour, call it banter, find ways that its ‘not so bad’ in order to uphold their ideal version of the world where being an unkind person isnt that big of a deal. The thing about bullying, it can sometimes be subtle. it’s insidious. It can be easy to see it as ‘banter’ if you try hard enough. It starts small and builds the more the bully gets away with, until they then have plausible deniability. until they can say ‘it’s banter! look at X Y Z example!’ and it will be an example from when the bullying first began.

why did David target Adam?

he was envious. Now hear me out…I have grown up around a lot of strong men. Men who have been conditioned to believe physical strength, being able to win in a fight, is the most important strength a man can have. Men who have come from backgrounds where theyre not allowed to show emotion, they’ve been taught it’s weak. They themselves have often been bullied into believing any sign of emotion, any illness, any moment of worry or doubt is a fatal flaw. Then when these men see another man able to be openly emotional, rest, not be on ‘top form’ 100% of the time, it’s incredibly frustrating for them. they become envious, often without realising that’s the emotion they’re experiencing. Then on top of that when others aren’t berating that man for showing ’weakness’ they feel it’s unfair. They feel like ‘well if I did that I’d be hounded for it’ and so they do it to the person they deem ‘weak’ To try and restore some messed up form of balance and justice. I actually feel for these men. It’s not fair they’ve been conditioned that way, it’s not fair they were the ones originally being bullied and gaslit into thinking it was character building or banter. Unfortunately, men like David believe men must suffer and must be quiet about it. Someone as happy and as honest as Adam is a slap in the face.

Why Adam is a role model to young men

Something not enough people are acknowledging, Adam knows when hes wrong and hes not afraid to admit it and apologise. Adam knows his outburst at Jimmy was wrong. He held his hands up to it, he apologised privately and publicly. That is such a hard thing to do and shows amazing self awareness and humility. Adam did eventually stand up to David when it got too much. He gave David the benefit of the doubt at first, which I actually think is a really great quality to have. He didn’t immediately jump to the conclusion that David was bullying him, he allowed David the space to show his true colours. When that happened, Adam set a firm boundary. Standing up to someone like David is daunting, but Adam did it when he had to. Adam has been openly emotional, empathetic, self aware, and courageous.He didnt let the noise of others take away his truth. He has been an outstanding example of what healthy and true masculinity looks like. He couldve exploded at David and Jimmy at the live finale, most people would’ve. I certainly would’ve. But instead he showed immense self restraint and let the show the world exactly who they are. He made one comment to David, ‘let the finalist speak’ now THAT is what banter is, and I think that was the exact level to keep things at. I hope young men watch how Adam has carried himself and follow suit.

I think Adam is being incredibly brave speaking out about this. it’s such an important discussion to be having.