r/PlusSize

So here's the TLDR- My mom died a few months ago and my toxically selfish and judgmental aunt, my mom's older sister, is still taking jabs at my mom's weight before she died and taking jabs at my weight, including saying how my mom "failed" me by "letting" her daughter be fat for my whole life. Skip to the last 2 paragraphs if you don't want the context of what led to my aunt's fat-phobic rant, but if you are down to read it, grab some popcorn.

So my aunt has always been pretty toxic and my mom didn't have much of a relationship with her sister once she moved out and on her own. My aunt always made everything about her and loved to stir up drama for her own entertainment. My mom and my aunt would occasionally talk on the phone but they lived 8 hours apart my whole life and we only really saw my mom's side of the family for major holidays and weddings and funerals. My mom's family is basically all alcoholics and abusive too, and they were especially abusive to me since I was the youngest in the family by a lot and I was very sensitive, so I was an easy target. My mom basically wanted distance from her sister and didn't want to get dragged into anymore toxicity.

When my step-grandmother died last May, my parents, husband and I didn't go to the funeral. My aunt refused to have it on a weekend (even thought there was no price difference for a weekend date). My parents were celebrating their anniversary and on vacation when my step-grandmother died and my husband and I (who are both teachers) couldn't get subs for our classes for 3 week days during state-testing for us to go all the way out of state for the funeral. If my aunt had waited to have it, we would've gone, but she didn't want to wait an extra 3 days, so they had the funeral without us.

My aunt left my parents the most vile, abusive voicemail you could ever imagine when my parents told her they were not coming to the funeral and that my husband and I couldn't miss school to come either. My aunt went on for close to 7 minutes about how my mom has always been a fat bitch who made the family look bad. She also went on and on about how my parents "failed" me for "letting" me be fat too and that it's disgusting how their daughter has been a size 22 for most of her adult life. She also insinuated that my husband has a fat-fetish which is bull-crap too. She ended it by insulting my dad's intelligence, calling him an ignorant hillbilly, even though he's incredibly intelligent.

My mom went no-contact with my aunt after that voicemail. She was furious and absolutely heartbroken. She said she never wanted to talk to her sister again and she meant it. My mom blocked my aunt everywhere she could, stopped sending her holiday cards, she was just completely done with my mom's abuse.

My mom died in January just a few months before her 67th birthday. My aunt made my mom's death all about her. My dad and I followed all of my mom's wishes and requests before she died, but my aunt kept calling the hospital and funeral home demanding things that were just completely out of line. She kept trying to be the person making all the decisions even though my mom made it clear that if she was ever in a situation like this, she wanted my dad and I deciding for her, NOT her sister. It got to the point where the different places were asking my dad and I to get my aunt to stop harassing them over my mom. My dad and I tried to have the funeral at a time that worked for my aunt and her son, my mom's nephew, but we couldn't afford to have it on the one specific date that worked for them since the funeral home charged more for more "convenient" dates. They also kept being wishy-washy on what day they wanted or what they wanted at the service, so my dad and I just said "this is the date we can afford and this is the date that we were able to get sub coverage for our classes, either you come or you don't" and had to leave it at that. So they didn't come to the funeral.

Skip to I found out that my aunt hounded the funeral home so much about the "survived by" section on my mom's obituary page. The only people my dad and I wanted under my mom's "survived by" page were us, my husband, my aunt, and her son my cousin. That's it. My aunt went behind our backs and added her son's 2 year old daughter (who none of us ever met, including my mom) her son's fiancee (who none of us met either) and her fiancee's son from a previous relationship (again who we never met). I was furious. My mom didn't consider them family and she always wanted a small and intimate service with people who were close to her. I was able to get the survived by section changed back a few days later but I was furious. My dad and I told my aunt how disrespectful that was and how much that hurt, but she never responded.

My husband and I are going to an extended relative's wedding this summer and my aunt was telling our mutual extended cousin that she wanted to sit with us and that all the "drama" over my mom's death was water the under the bridge. My 2nd cousin at least had the sense to ask if we wanted to sit with my aunt and we said absolutely not! When we told him the awful stuff she did in the last year he was happy to seat us away from my aunt and he was upset on our behalf! Then my aunt had the nerve to call me whining and being mean about why we don't want to sit with her at the wedding.

I told her that after she changed my mom's obituary without my consent or my dad's, we didn't want anything to do with her. She said that my cousin's daughter, his fiancee, and his fiancee's son were family and they deserved to be on there. I pointed out that yeah, they're her family, but not my mom's. Even if the daughter was technically my mom's grand-niece, she never even met my mom and she didn't belong on the survived by page which is meant for close family she knew personally. My aunt then went off about how we should've at least including the daughter out of respect for her, my aunt. My aunt was worried about respect for HERSELF when her sister was the one who died.

When I called out how selfish and screwed up that was, she went on this awful fat-phobic rant. I'm so ugly because I'm so fat, I'm clearly lazy as hell, my 2nd grade students are getting a terrible education from me because I'm such a bad example for them, my husband is a loser for having a thing for fat chicks, I'm gonna die young and miserable just like my mom because I don't care about my body, and lastly she's embarrassed to tell people I'm her niece because it makes her look bad. I just hung up and blocked her. I know that she was just saying that stuff to take me down and make me feel bad when she's the one who did something really selfish and cruel, but man it just broke my heart. My mom is dead and her family is still giving me grief for our bodies. I can't believe that she's resorting to putting me down about my body when she's the one making her sister's death all about her. I lost my mom before I even turned 26 and instead of coming together as a family and trying to make things right I'm still getting abused! If anyone else has any experience dealing with toxic family like this I am happy to commiserate with you because this frickin sucked.

It's so frustrating because I've lost nearly a hundred pounds and socially I still feel the same. I sit in the bus for my commute and it's hard watching ppl see me sitting with plenty of space around me yet still actively choose not to sit next to me unless they have to. I'm starting to work again and that is also reminding me of how big I am. I can't go in the breakroom when everyone is there to get my stuff out my locker and leave because there simply isn't enough room for me. I understand I still have a bunch of weight to lose to be healthy. That's not really the issue. I just feel like scum. It sucks.