u/AmaraEverleigh

Hi all! I (25F) have experienced so much fetishization over the years. Men telling me they’ve always wanted to hookup with big women. Men weirdly trying to persuade me to eat crappy food and telling me to never lose weight. Men making weird comments about my body.

I started seeing a man not too long ago and we were cuddling and he told me he loved how chunky I am. At first, I was feeling a little off-put but brushed it off until he said it at least one other time. And also things like “You’re so soft” and “you’re so warm” which aren’t inherently bad things to say but are things I often hear men use to describe bigger women. Today we were on the phone and I was talking about how men will sometimes date plus size women but keep them a secret. He told me that he would never do that and how both of his exes were bigger and even about how much they weighed. Part of me feels like he’s just trying to reassure me and make it known that he’s attracted to me but part of me hates when guys act this way. I don’t want to hear about how chunky I am and how he’s only really dated bigger women. It gives me the ick.

I 25 F have been seeing a guy 26 M for almost 2 years. From time to time, especially when he hasn't texted for a few days, he tells me that he never received my messages. I've never really had this happen before with anyone else and the messages I send him do say delivered. I sent him a message last Sunday and he never answered so I reached out on Friday and he said he never received said message and asked me to resend it. We’ve been in conflict and I took space for about 2 weeks. I apologized and he apologized but barely said anything because I’ve been so busy. I thought things were in a better place when I sent him a message Monday night and it's now Wednesday and my head is spinning wondering if he never got it or if he's ignoring me. I feel a little crazy. Why would he lie? Does he just not want to talk to me?

I (25F) have been dating a FA (26M) for almost 2 years now. I’m not going to call him a liar, but I have noticed that he often conveniently doesn’t receive a lot of my longer messages. Nobody else seems to have issues with getting my messages. It’s like he’ll either ignore my messages until I ask him about them and then will say he never got them, or he’ll wait until he thinks enough time has passed to change the subject. I understand the concept of avoidant people having a hard time with long paragraphs and I recognize that he probably lies because for a while I would give him the benefit of the doubt and it would get me off of his case, but if he lies about that then what else is he lying about?? Does anyone else deal with this?

I’ve been seeing someone for almost 2 years, and he was one of the warmest and most reassuring men I have been with, but he has shut down and been stonewalling me for well over a month now. He’s never done that before. In all honesty, I was the negative one who felt like things couldn’t work, and he was always the one who felt like it could. He’s been stonewalling me and we’ve been going blow for blow for like a month or two now. I feel like sometimes I get glimpses of the old him and then he’s back to being cold again. I felt like the more I fought to make it work the colder it got so the last time that we spoke I waved my white flag and said we should take space. He seemed more receptive during that conversation, and he said we could talk the next day, but I was adamant that space was good. After the call, I texted and thanked him for having a conversation and the next day he texted that he appreciates me, too. 2 weeks went by and I spoke to my therapist about wanting to open up communication again but being afraid of what he would say or what version I would get. I poured my heart out to my therapist and she recommended sending a message taking ownership without pushing him to do anything, so I did. I sent it on Tuesday night and it’s now Thursday morning and…Nothing. My friend said that he may just need time to think, especially after 2 weeks of no contact, but my brain keeps screaming that he doesn’t care and will never talk to me again. I would just hope that after spending almost 2 years together that he would have something to say. I’m just sad

Hi all! It’s been 2 weeks since I spoke to the guy that I’ve been seeing for almost 2 years. I’ve had time to reflect but I still can’t figure out what to do. It seemed like he just completely and suddenly shut down and shut me out, and in some ways I still feel that way, but I’m also able to recognize the fact that we both played roles that led us here. I know that attachment styles aren’t exactly the blueprints that we think they are but they do tell us certain things and I’m an AP and believe that he’s a FA. I’m also Bipolar and have been unmedicated for a few months now. We live a hour apart and have continuously done this song and dance of me pushing him to see me more, and him seeing me even less, and me pushing him to see me even more, and repeat. There always seemed to be a new excuse on why we couldn’t see each other. And I’m not sure if it was a lack of interest in seeing me, or if the pressure was too high, or maybe both. When I was medicated though I was able to reel myself back in and pull myself back when I needed to, but I know that the last few months I was pushing and pushing and pushing. Every phone call turned into a conversation about what he was doing wrong. In all honesty, part of me feels like my frustration was super warranted, but another part of me feels like I went about it in all of the wrong ways. Going months without seeing someone is insane to me, and seeing someone for almost 2 years without a label is even more insane. He always said that he was exclusive to me despite not having a label but I sometimes have my doubts because of how infrequent we saw each other.

Then he was just ice cold. This man is the warmest man I have ever dated. He was reassuring and kind and able to admit when he was wrong, and then he just stonewalled like crazy. The harder he stonewalled the harder I pushed for reassurance and then the harder he stonewalled. Suddenly, the guy who told me not to be negative and the guy who always wanted to make it work was the one telling me that this wasn’t going to work. Some conversations felt like one step forward, but the next would feel like ten steps backwards. Things got volatile and we both just went blow for blow for weeks with both of our attachment wounds just rearing their ugly heads. I finally reached a point where I was exhausted. I told him that I needed space. And for the first time in a while he seemed receptive to having some sort of conversation without running or retreating. I haven’t talked to him in 2 weeks, and I shouldn’t want to talk to him ever again, but I do. I think we both created this big mess and now I don’t know how to fix it. I’m going tomorrow to get medicated again and I know that that will help. Part of me feels like I should maintain distance until my medication has time to kick in, but another part of me feels like I should at least reach out and let him know where I’m at. Part of me is afraid to reach out because I don’t know what version of him I’ll get, and another part is worried that if I don’t reach out that he’ll move on. I know I sound stupid for even wanting to make this work but it’s hard to just shut my emotions off and pretend like the past 2 years just never happened. Any advice is welcome and I’m happy to provide more context. Thanks :)

No matter how much I try to rationalize it, my brain cannot fathom how somebody can swing from being one person for two years into a totally different person within a matter of weeks. He was warm, and kind, and reassuring. He was someone who often expressed how much I meant to him and how much he didn’t want to lose me. Then, suddenly his whole demeanor shifted. He started icing me out, running from every interaction, and suddenly acting as though I didn’t matter at all. I was devastated. It feels like we did this dance for weeks of me trying to get him to open up and him shutting down more and becoming more indifferent and running away. One conversation would feel better and the next would feel worse. Nothing ever felt truly mended. I just kept hitting a wall. And we both started going low blow for low blow.

I know what an avoidant man looks like and that is how he was acting, but I don’t understand how this behavior is only surfacing now. He said that every conversation has turned into a conversation about our relationship and how he can’t keep getting “beat up”. I get that maybe he’s burnt out or angry but I can’t help but wonder if he’s going to be like this forever and I keep blaming myself. Last time that we spoke felt like the most normal that things had been in a long time.

I had became so depleted that I waved my white flag and agreed that this wasn’t working anymore. I didn’t have it in me to argue or negotiate or try to make it work. And for the first time he wasn’t running for his life. He told me that we could talk the next day, but then said that maybe we shouldn’t. I agreed that we shouldn’t and need to take space. He said that we could talk tomorrow again later in the conversation and I told him I needed at least a week to think. I texted him afterwards and thanked him for having a productive conversation with me. The next day he said “I appreciate you, too” which isn’t much but was more than I had gotten in weeks.

A week has came and went now, and I haven’t reached out. Not because I don’t miss him but because I don’t know what will happen if I do. I’m scared of what version of him I’ll get. I’m scared of rejection. I’m scared that this is who he is now and that the old him will never come back. I don’t know what to do. I just need support or advice or to scream into the void. I don’t know. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this nonsense.

Have you ever cried in the gym?

Well, I officially have. I was laying on a workout bench with my legs spread wide open as I attempted a half-assed hip thrust when I started feeling the tears come up. I’m not sure if it’s because I have unmedicated bipolar right now, or because my parents didn’t love me enough, or because I’m simply fucked up beyond repair, but this break up is tossing me through the ringer.

No matter how much I try to rationalize it, my brain cannot fathom how somebody can swing from being one person for two years into a totally different person within a matter of weeks. He was warm, and kind, and reassuring. He was someone who often expressed how much I meant to him and how much he didn’t want to lose me. Then, suddenly his whole demeanor shifted. He started icing me out, running from every interaction, and suddenly acting as though I didn’t matter at all. I was devastated. It feels like we did this dance for weeks of me trying to get him to open up and him shutting down more and becoming more indifferent and running away. One conversation would feel better and the next would feel worse. Nothing ever felt truly mended. I just kept hitting a wall. And we both started going low blow for low blow.

I know what an avoidant man looks like and that is how he was acting, but I don’t understand how this behavior is only surfacing now. He said that every conversation has turned into a conversation about our relationship and how he can’t keep getting “beat up”. I get that maybe he’s burnt out or angry but I can’t help but wonder if he’s going to be like this forever and I keep blaming myself. Last time that we spoke felt like the most normal that things had been in a long time.

I had became so depleted that I waved my white flag and agreed that this wasn’t working anymore. I didn’t have it in me to argue or negotiate or try to make it work. And for the first time he wasn’t running for his life. He told me that we could talk the next day, but then said that maybe we shouldn’t. I agreed that we shouldn’t and need to take space. He said that we could talk tomorrow again later in the conversation and I told him I needed at least a week to think. I texted him afterwards and thanked him for having a productive conversation with me. The next day he said “I appreciate you, too” which isn’t much but was more than I had gotten in weeks.

A week has came and went now, and I haven’t reached out. Not because I don’t miss him but because I don’t know what will happen if I do. I’m scared of what version of him I’ll get. I’m scared of rejection. I’m scared that this is who he is now and that the old him will never come back. I don’t know what to do. I just need support or advice or to scream into the void. I don’t know. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this nonsense.

I’ve been seeing this man for a year and a half, and things have been far from perfect, but one thing that I always knew for sure was that he was a kind person and that he cared about me. He denies it, but it’s as if he’s turned into a completely different person in the span of a few weeks. He was usually the one asking me why I was so negative and telling me that we could make it work, and now he seems hopeless and cold and distant and cruel. I get that maybe he’s checked out, or maybe he’s seeing someone else, or maybe this is who he’s been all along, but it just feels so wrong. Where is the person that I’ve known for the last year and a half, and why does it feel like he’s gone forever? He says that he cares but he just seems so cold. I don’t get it.

I (25F) am almost always down for whatever my friends want to do, even if it isn’t my cup of tea. Movies? Cool. Hike? Awesome. Concert? Bet. Every single time that I come up with an idea or pick a weekend to hangout though everyone flakes or decides that they want to do something else. If I want to see a concert and it’s someone they don’t like then they won’t go, even if I offer to pay. If I want to play a game, it has to be the games they like. If I offer to go to a place that they’ve previously said that they want to go to then it’s a no because they didn’t suggest it. My friends even said that they were down to go to concerts and bars this summer so I bought a whole haul of outfits for those things, and now we’re not doing either of those things. My one friend always uses the excuse that she’s saving money or doesn’t have money, but still says no when I offer to pay. She also blows her money like crazy on what she wants to do. My friend and I were even supposed to watch ‘Obsession’ together because I had seen it twice and loved it so much but instead of waiting a day to watch it together she watched it without me. I’m just so annoyed and tired of being the side character in every relationship that I have. I don’t know what to do. It’s so annoying.

Hi all! I’m (F25) new to my gym journey—I used to go on and off a few years ago until I stopped—and I’m learning that I have no idea what I’m doing anymore. I’m really considering taking classes since my Edge membership allows unlimited classes but I’m not sure where to start. I’m pretty overweight (5”3 and 230lbs) and I’m really nervous about keeping up with everyone else and making a total fool of myself. Any tips or recommendations would be amazing. TIA. 💕

I (25F) feel so lonely, but I’m exhausted. Almost every person that I’ve been with has been someone I’ve met online and almost every one was a situationship. Dating apps feel like a blackhole of doom scrolling until you find 3-5 halfway decent people and out of those people you might go on a date with one and the one person that you go on a date with is the worst person ever. I was tired of feeling this way so I deleted all dating apps at the end of last year. I rarely go out though and although I’m trying to go out more it’s not like when I do guys are lining up. Even if they were I’m just so burnt out. I kind of feel like I subconsciously self sabotage, too. I’ve put in so much work from eating healthier to therapy to getting a better job to dressing better and none of it seems to make a difference. I don’t even know how to get out of this funk or where I’m supposed to go to meet people. I feel like I’m ready to share my life with another person but it feels a little hopeless. I just don’t know what to do.