r/BreakUp

I've fallen into a deep depression because of this...

I'm going to make a long story short, but she was getting out of a marriage for several months already, and I had already been out of mine for 4 years. She reached out and treated me like I was her love, telling me she loves me and cares about me. We were long distance but met up and also kept talking on the phone. I helped console her when her parent passed away. We were working on ways to move closer and not be long distance. She even met my child, as I'm a single dad...

Out of the blue, she started telling me she doesn't think she wants a relationship but that she cares about me. The odd thing is, rather than fight it, like I did once before, I said okay. I agreed, we can work on things slowly and maybe one day, but no pressure... Then she changed the topic and started saying I was smothering her and it was all just too much... and I'm like? We barely text because you're busy, then on the weekends you're busy, and now I'm too much? I scaled it down quite a bit... so I stupidly sent her a message saying I didn't appreciate her starting this conversation literally while I was at my child's graduation! And told her to leave me alone, etc. Well, she blocked me. A month goes by, and I noticed she unblocked me. I missed her so bad the entire time and friend-requested her again, which I shouldn't have done. She started writing to me asking why I'm "in and out of her life," to which I said, you are the one who wanted me gone, right? She changed the topic in regards to the graduation conversation and started complaining about something else. I said, if you felt smothered, you could tell me so, and we could establish boundaries to work through it. It's all about communication.

This time, I messed up. I proceeded to block her because she kept disrespecting me and typing in all caps. I left it alone and unblocked her literally within 10 minutes. Well, guess what, she blocks me permanently on all platforms and left it like that for over a week now.

But I acknowledged whatever faults and shortcomings I had to work on, whereas I never felt heard or listened to when I would explain how I felt... I realize this was all so toxic and not as nice as it started, but I also felt like this was all because she was secretly talking to her ex-husband again. Which, according to her, isn't true... but he was still on her Facebook reacting to each status. At the end of it all, we went from telling each other we love each other to "idk what this was," and eventually me getting blocked.

So I don't know the truth, and I really don't think sharing this story may have been very helpful, but I'm seeking advice. I am super distraught and hurt by this. I really saw a future with this woman and adored her deeply. But it seems like none of this was reciprocated. After 10 months, she didn't even tell her mom about me, which I was upset about.

All this to say, it's been a week now and I'm really, truly suffering. I want some advice on how to deal. I have work next week and I cannot even focus. I worked out today to try to calm the pain and was almost ready to have a full-on breakdown. I miss and care about this person, but it's all one-sided, and I'm the villain whose permanently blocked now.

I think my system is heavily dysregulated because I'm no longer functioning or able to do basic tasks. I have been so super depressed. I think I just realized this lady used me to get over her ex-husband and is possibly back with him? Why else would the guy still be reacting to EVERY status she makes on FB? But I'm blocked like absolute trash, all because I eventually wanted to have a future with her.

I'm already 100% isolated in life, and with being a single dad, this hurts extremely bad. I don't even have it in me to "improve" anymore. There's no more improvement to be made. I have done everything I could, and this was supposedly going to be the best chapter after the horrible downfall of my marriage, but now look... I really am shocked that this lady who acted so innocent, wholesome, professional, and family-oriented can just put me on block like a wholeheartedly evil individual, something I never saw from her. I'm really sick to the bottom of my stomach and cannot get over this.

I'm 19M, and I recently ended a relationship that lasted almost six years.

She wasn't just my girlfriend. She was my best friend, my routine, the person I talked to every day, and for a huge part of my life, the person I imagined my future with. I genuinely loved her and, in many ways, I still do.

But over time, things started changing.

There were things she did that hurt my trust. She had tried flirting/talking to several guys in the past as "timepass," and eventually there was a bigger incident involving a hidden Instagram account that she was using. I confronted her about it, she denied it, and later I discovered that the account was actually logged into her phone. When I tried to see what was on it, she immediately took the phone and tried to remove the account. Eventually she gave me an explanation, but by then something inside me had already broken.

Maybe she was telling the truth about what was on that account. Maybe she wasn't. I honestly don't know, and I don't think I'll ever know everything.

But that's not even the point anymore.

I realized I had become someone I didn't want to be. I was checking, questioning, looking for proof, trying to figure out whether I could trust the person I'd trusted more than anyone for years.

I felt like a caged bird.

And the strange thing is, I desperately wanted out.

Eventually I told her that I couldn't continue. She begged, called, sent hundreds and eventually more than a thousand messages, cried, contacted friends, and even contacted my mother asking her to get me to read her messages. She promised that she could become the person she used to be.

And that's what makes this so difficult.

Because I don't think she's a monster.

There was a time when she was genuinely wonderful to me. We have six years of beautiful memories. There are versions of her that I will probably love for the rest of my life. I don't want to erase those memories just because the relationship ended badly.

But I also know myself. I've seen this cycle before. Things improve, I forgive, I trust again, and eventually I'm hurt again. I don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting for the next cycle.

So I left.

She eventually accepted the breakup, and now she's stopped contacting me.

And somehow that's when the real pain started.

I've cried several times. I miss her. I miss us. I miss the person she used to be to me. I miss having someone who had been there for six years. I've never been single for this long before, so suddenly having this much empty space in my life feels terrifying.

The weirdest part is that when I was in the relationship, I felt trapped. Now that the cage is finally open, I'm scared to fly.

I've also developed feelings for another girl during all of this. She's someone who made me feel safe and appreciated when I was at my lowest. There are genuine feelings there, but I'm deliberately trying not to rush into another relationship while I'm grieving this one. I don't want to use someone else as an escape from my pain.

I've also had old friends reach out and support me, and that has meant more to me than I can explain.

Right now I'm trying to learn how to exist as myself again.

I know I made the decision for my own wellbeing. I know I shouldn't go back just because I miss her.

But knowing that doesn't make missing her hurt any less.

How do you move on from someone who was such a huge part of your life for six years, when you don't hate them and still genuinely love the good person they once were?

I don't want to go back.

I just want to learn how to stop looking behind me.

She cam back and broke up with me AGAIN and for the same REASON.

I (M30) dated F(31) on and off for a total of 4 months. At the beginning when we dated from January - March we met each other every weekend and did activities like dinner, movie at her place or cinema and out at the bar to have beer. We did get intimate and there was alot of sex.

She love bombed at the 2. date. Kissing and making out for a long time. She were also giving me hot and cold behaviour

She breaks up with me in March saying she does not have romantic feelings and that she is not over her EX THEO.

A little bit of background: F(31) was married for 7 Years with no kids. She was in a toxic marriage with Matthew. Matthew cheated on her. She divorced him in OCT 2024. Shortly after she jumps into another relationship with Theo that lasted through the whole 2025. Theo also cheated and F(31) break up with him. Just 1 month after the breakup she meets me early January. In short: both of her exes cheated, she seems to jump and having not being able to sit alone with herself. She was sexually abused as a kid by her father.

April - May: She decided to go back to EX Theo. Does not work out.

June: She came back. Wanted to try again. We starts dating again

July: She’s on vacation in Turkey. She’s been thinking about me and was sexually frustrated over there. We have conversation about if we are able to make this relationship work. She really wanted to try. She shows interest and takes initiative to meet me after she comes home.

We meet just two times after she comes back from vacation. Great time, great conversations, great company/companion.

Last time I saw her I rejected her sex offer. She says:» she’s wet and wants to take me home» I said: «I’m not that desperate» that’s the breaking point where she lost attraction.

She breaks ups saying she does not have romantic feelings, that’s I’m cautious and not leading, that I’m not direct.

My conclusion and please tell me if I’m wrong:

Sex or no sex. Comment or no comment. She still would break up with me. She was unsure of me. I was the second choice after her EX THEO.

She came back because she felt lonely and had no other options. She’s immature because she jumps from relationships to relationships without having had the time to heal.

I got PLAYED. She used me emotionally. She knew very well were this where going. I met her in a time were she was vulnerable. She used me as a shoulder to cry on, someone she could go to and vent and I would listen, someone that could offer her intimacy and closeness.

And when we first met in January. She was fresh out of break up and thought «this will do for now» and I was «OMG this woman is all over me»

She feels I’m safe and secure. She’s not used to that because she confuses toxic relationships as dominant. Because she is used to that in her previous relationships is natural for her to be drawn towards that.

I have confidence. She used that as an excuse because she does not have anything other to say than «my romantic feelings are more and more gone»

​

So, my ex broke up with me two months ago. The last four years had been really difficult for a number of reasons, and over the past year I ended up becoming unpleasant with her despite still loving her. Most importantly, I had basically stopped giving her attention. Of course, we both made mistakes — I’m definitely not the only one at fault — but I clearly have my share of responsibility.

A friend of mine hit on her just before she broke up with me. She was fairly receptive to it, told me about it, and said there was a serious problem between us. At first, she actually booked a couples therapy appointment herself, but ultimately decided she didn’t want to go through with it. After spending two weeks away from our home in an Airbnb to think, she eventually came back to tell me she was ending the relationship, and she moved out at the beginning of July.

She told me she no longer felt like herself in the relationship, that I had damaged her self-confidence, that she had suffered too much, and that she now needed to rebuild herself. She said she still loved me a lot, but that she was no longer in love with me.

I tried everything I could to convince her to change her mind.

At the end of July, she came back to pick up the last of her things. I had prepared some love notes and apologies for her. According to her, she had also come to finally close this chapter, and that’s when she told me she had started seeing that same friend.

For now, she says it’s nothing serious. She says the relationship gives her some lightness and helps rebuild the self-confidence she had seriously lost.

She says love is complicated for her at the moment and that, even though she likes him, she absolutely doesn’t want to settle down with anyone right now. She does admit that she’ll see how things develop, but for now she says that kind of commitment doesn’t interest her.

She still read my notes and was moved by them, and we ended up talking several times throughout that week — after barely speaking at all for most of the previous month. On the Friday of that week, she even started doubting her decision a little before pulling herself back together on Saturday.

We finally ended those conversations on Monday, with her telling me that she didn’t know exactly whether what she still felt for me was love or nostalgia. Since the beginning, she has told me that leaving me wasn’t easy. And since then, I can see that she herself is having trouble fully closing the door, although I’m obviously not making that any easier for her.

A week later, I asked her again what she thought she was feeling, while also telling her that I was struggling badly with her new relationship. She told me she needed to experience life without our connection in order to understand her feelings more clearly, that she was almost certain she didn’t love me anymore, but she also admitted that the thought of me moving on with someone else stung a little.

At one point I joked with her and said, “Don’t you want to meet the best version of myself that I’m becoming?” and she admitted that a part of her kind of dreams about that. (Yes, I know, I’m desperately clutching at straws here.)

She also says she has trouble forgiving me for the way I behaved, that she feels guilty about her own behaviour too, and that I deserve better than her. She told me that she is taking the risk of this separation knowing that either we might never find our way back to each other, or perhaps one day we might find each other again in a healthier way.

I’m holding on like crazy, so I suggested that we stay in touch from time to time to see how our connection develops. I told her that if we completely stop talking, we’ll never know what might have happened between us, and I’d also just like to hear how she’s doing occasionally.

I suggested that we talk again in two months. After all, we shared our lives from the ages of 17 to 30. She knows that I still have a lot of hope and that my reasons for wanting to stay in touch aren’t exactly neutral.

So, to wrap this up: the conversation I described in the previous two paragraphs happened on Tuesday. On Wednesday, she messaged me on her own and told me that we really needed to stop talking, that our conversations brought her back into the past too much, that they were stopping her from moving forward, and that she genuinely wasn’t sure anymore whether we would even talk again in October.

I told her that of course she was free to do whatever she wanted, that I thought it was a shame our conversations weren’t making her think more about the future instead of dragging her back into the past, and that I genuinely believed there could still be something between us if we did things differently.

The last four years really were hell because of personal problems on both sides, and over time those problems ended up completely transforming our relationship.

But I also told her that I was sure both of us would eventually be happy, whether that ended up being together or separately.

Since the breakup, we’ve basically laid everything on the table: everything that went wrong, how each of us felt, the causes, the consequences — pretty much everything. For the first time, we actually understand each other much better. We agree on almost all of the problems and on what happened. Where we mainly disagree is what should happen next. I want to try again in a completely different way. She doesn’t.

Then, the very next day, she messaged me again on her own to thank me for my messages. She said they were helping her a lot in thinking about everything, that she had changed her mind and now thought talking again in October was actually a good idea, but that she couldn’t tell me what things would look like by then.

Unfortunately, that gave me an insane amount of hope. I find that wording far too open-ended for me emotionally right now.

But the fact that she’s in another relationship — especially this relationship — is unbearable for me.

On top of that, this guy is a very strange person who eventually fell out with basically all of my friends after screwing each of them over in one way or another. Even I had stopped seeing him. She knew all of this, which makes her choice especially surprising to me.

Anyway, yeah. It’s a complete mess and I wanted to hear what you guys think.

Thanks to anyone who actually made it all the way to the end.

I very recently went through an awful, sudden breakup. We were engaged, and lived together for over 2 years with a cat I adopted the year before, and a cat that was gifted to them from a hoarder house in 2022 that we'll call "Alex".

They cheated. I found out, and they packed up their stuff and left the next day with Alex to a different state. I had no choice, no say, and was forced to say goodbye out of nowhere. I sobbed, hugged his carrier, and begged them for just one more night, to which they said no. They didn't even say goodbye to my cat. He slept with me almost every night and was glued to me after I had a major surgery recently.

I took care of Alex as a part of my daily routine. For over 2 years, I fed him, bought the food, litter, litter boxes, bowls, toys, etc. He was never microchipped even though I strongly encouraged them to do it. Alex also had no shots, but was neutered when they received first him. I paid for and administered monthly flea preventative for both the cats. I made the vet appointment for Alex's shots (along with my cat), paid for it, and was listed as his owner on the paperwork (since I made the appointment). On paper, he had my last name.

It's hard to accept that he's gone just like that, when he was once a part of my permanent family for so long. I wasn't just the girlfriend that sometimes fed him.

My ex loves him to pieces, and I wouldn't necessarily call them negligent. I would never want someone to try and take my cat. I feel for them, but I also feel for Alex and his best interest. Would you try to pursue getting the cat back?

I won’t get into too much detail but I’d like an outside perspective looking in. I’ve been with my bf since 17-22 yr. Recently I feel like he’s been restricting me in things I’ve openly told him I longed for. Like female relationships, girls night out, the club. He’s very set on the club only being for single people, then spiraled into him not liking my friend who wants to go out. Flat out saying I can’t.
I have in the past made mistakes with drug use but I feel like I’m at a point in my life it really wouldn’t happen again. That and guys hitting on me he’s worried about..
recently after arguing about my friendship, we went out for his friends birthday with a few of his other friends. I’ve never liked them they are quick to throw me under the bus when I’ve been drunk. Accusing me of ‘dancing’ too close. Anyways. We go out and I’m already upset. But I feel my boyfriend is being extra petty around his friends. They get way too drunk and embarrass me in the uber, embarrass me in the line to the bar. My boyfriend gets too in my face for the mood. Overall terrible night. Conclusion at the end his friend ended up touching me. So his logic of him being there at a bar means nothing no? I don’t know guys. I lost my parents so I can’t ask anyone like that on advice with this.
Thanks

Broke up with me just over a week ago and this is not how I expected to spend my birthday… without him 😔

I'm envious of anyone who came before social media. They don't have to see them randomly come up on their feeds. You don't mentally break and stalk their profiles.

I know I'm not the only one who has gone through this.

Decided I had to start on a clean slate today. It’s my birthday and he never texted. So I deleted my dumper’s number. Every trace of him is gone… I feel both devastated and empowered.

He broke up with me while he's grieving of his friend and also a loss of friend a year ago. He's experiencing so much hell of a pain rn i know, i wanna feel his pain, be there for him, wait for him until he's ready. I know there's no comfort when his friend died while suffering from his life. I said I'll wait for him but he said i shouldn't, he wants me to find happiness, and that i can do better. But i found happiness and i was better when we're together. I love him so much. i simply wish he'll decide when he's in good state and come back to me. A very good man that loved, respected and understood me. I love him and respect his decision, stop bugging him rn, but still i want him to go back to me.

Hey!

Context: I dated F(31) and I’m M(30). She divorced her EX husband Matthew Oct 2024. Shorty after she jumped in a relationship with Theo that lasted through the whole 2025. She broke up with Theo in December 2025. Both of her previous romantic partners have cheated. Then she meets me just 1 month after the breakup.

We date from January - March:

Very intimate but also sex almost every time we met. We met every weekend. Other activities we did are making food at her place, dinner outside, watching cinema, go out at a bar and watching movies at her place. She breaks up saying she does not have romantic feelings but she is not over her EX. She asked to be friends but I said: «No» and we end it completely there.

April - May:

Nothing. Complete silence.

June:

She comes back saying she missed me and wants to talk. She says she likes me, are attracted, she feels chemistry and lots in common. She went back to her EX but did not work. I was her second choice because she was lonely and had no other option. I tell her let me think about it because first time I got really hurt. I went back because I wanted to give it a second chance.

From there we start talking and chatting. I’ve tried to meet up with her in June be she said she was busy so mostly just calls and text.

July:

She goes on vacation to Turkey. Our dynamic switched and got more intimate. Sexting and intimate pictures.

She comes back and I pick her up from airport. Taking good care of her. After leaving the luggage she takes initiative and ask me if I want to go out and eat dinner. I say yea. We ear and were having good time. After that day ended she takes initiative and asks to meet next day. I say yes and then I pick place and time.

The next day we meet for dinner, watch cinema and beer at a bar. For dinner here is where I fucked up. She says she’s horny and wants to bring me home. I rejected her in a rude way saying: «I’m not that desperate» 🤦🏻‍♂️

One week later she breaks up with me on text. It’s a lot but I can summarize. She’s saying:

• Romantic feelings are not there
• She thinks I’m careful and not dominant. She was the dominant alpha type woman in previous relationships.
• She says she can see this as being a potentially good friendship
• She got to grown to like me as a person
• She thinks I’ve treated her well and are safe and been good to her.

My thought will be posted below:

She was just not that into me. She’s immature because she’s jumping to relationships to relationships. Comment or no comment. Sex or no sex - she would still break up with me. She’s unsure. She broke up with me for the same reason.

She came back because I was her second choice/backup plan. She was lonely and had no other options when getting back to her EX failed. What me and her had was FAKE. She just wanted sex and closeness/intimacy. With another words a FWB.

Healed or no healed her EX husband and EX will always be there in the picture. She USED to be in a toxic relationships and therefore she’s attracted to those because of the familiarity. I could offer her safety and healthy relationships but since she’s used to toxic ones she starts to feel insecure inside of her because she has not felt like that before. Also she seem to want the type of move you see in movies. Unfortunately that is not how it works. It’s the way she thinks and react to.

A very unhealthy dynamic. I cannot see myself in a relationships with her. It would just be toxic. I felt at times I had to fight for dominance.

She used me for sex. Backup plan, as a therapist, a safe space and someone I can lend my ear to and listen

Me 19M gf 19F have been together for 3 years or at least were. For a couple months we were struggling with sexual issues. She’s a victim of sexual assault in her past relationship and I’ve been very mindful of that burden placed on her. The day before yesterday I went to a local fair with her family, I was very nice and pleasant. Her dad is a very bad/risky driver so my gf and I as well as her little sister 11 were all carsick. I let her sister lay on me for comfort and I brushed her back to make her feel better. Later that night I got a text from her saying that she falls in love with me everyday.

Yesterday, she went to a rodeo at that same fair with her older sister and best friend. As she was there she saw the man who raped her, and he called her name as she walked past. Obviously I wasn’t there so I had no idea this happened at the time but she called me instantly and said she knew what she had to do was leave me bc seeing him made her realize that she wasn’t attracted to me anymore like she had been with him. She also said that a few guys she saw there she fantasized about sexually and hadn’t thought about me like that for a long time.

To me this is all kinda of fucked up and I’m in so much pain, I thought I was going to marry this girl and she ripped out my heart for a man that hurt her the way he did. I just want my baby back

Me and my ex broke up last November after being together for four years. At first we were in a weird place but still hanging out pretty frequently but 3 months post break up he told me he only sees me as a friend and is frustrated I see him as an ex and not a friend. After that he moved to a different country for a few months but is now back in town. While he was away we had limited contact because I realized I was the one initiating every conversation and that he would take forever to respond. He claims it was because he didn’t want to reach out to anyone from home while he was away. Now he’s back and he reached out asking if I wanted to hang out but I feel so confused. If I was so insignificant he was able to get over me and our four year relationship in three months and start dating again why does he want to hang out? Do you think he feels an obligation to stay in my life or do you think there’s a possibility there’s repressed feelings he isn’t bringing up. I feel like I’m mostly over him but every time he comes back around feelings I thought were gone flood back in a little bit. Because of this I think I’m not going to reach out, if he wants to hang out he can reach out to me and we can plan something. I’m emotionally confused but don’t want to ask how he’s feeling since it never seems to give clarity and usually just makes me feel more worthless.