r/BreakUp

I was recently broken up with by a longtime partner at the start of June and I cannot get them out of my head at all. I’ve tried going out, finding new hobbies, meeting new people, I feel like I’ve exhausted all options. I can’t stop thinking about them and it’s torturous. Every time I sleep every dreams have been about them, it’s been absolutely destroying me emotionally. I don’t even have tears to cry anymore I just feel incredibly hollow and everyday feels harder to just get out of bed.

I’m so sick of it, I just want it to be over with, I want to move on but my subconscious won’t let me. I feel like a failure and nothing I do will ever change that. Having to mask my emotions at work every single day has been so exhausting, I just wish I could take some time off to work on myself but I can’t afford to. All of my vacation hours have already used from spending time with my ex so I can’t even do that.

I wish things could’ve at least ended differently, but that ship has sailed weeks ago already. I’m just at a loss for anything and I don’t know what to do.

I'm writing this post mostly to see if this is all in my head or a reasonable deduction.

Background:

We've dated for 10 months. During this time, I broke up with him twice. Each time he messaged me and asked to rekindle things after 4~7 weeks.

And then this time, he broke up with me after a day of silence. Reasons he cited are: family drama and the fact that I broke up with him twice.

Why I think he was probably telling the truth and it's not a third-party situation:

1. He spent his birthday with me, and the following weekend.

2. He told me he didn't cum for a while and the last time was when he was watching porn with a similar-looking actress as me, and he did seem sexually frustrated and turned on in general, so it lets me know that at least I was the only sexual partner he's had for a while.

3. He did tell me he hadn't gotten back into dating after the last breakup and I have no reason to suspect that he's lying.

4. No qualms about showing me things on his phone.

Why I think he broke up with me for someone else:

1. The breakup came out of nowhere. The day before he was asking to see me, was sending texts throughout the day, and then that night I told him I missed him and that was when the silence began. He didn't text me at all the day after, until I asked him if everything was okay in the evening, and he told me he's had a rough day and doesn't want to talk to anyone. The following morning, he broke up with me.

2. He originally wasn't sure if he wanted to spend the birthday with me until the day before. So maybe this other woman cancelled on him or she was out of town?

I just want to know if my suspicion is valid or if I'm spiraling lol

To be honest, I'm surprised if he even wanted to give this another chance after I broke up with him twice.

I'm not sure but it seems like she has a new bf now. What should I do? should I just move on?

I was the one that initiated the breakup. In the email, I apologized and took all the accountability. I also told her I wanna talk but if she has a bf, I will respect her space and won't bother her anymore.

Three years ago I started online dating. I came across this man. We were both the same age, 26yrs old back then.
He has never had a relationship before and I was the first girl to ever ask him out.
When we matched online I was the one texting him because he wouldn't but I thought that he came across grounded and calm via his pictures.
Texting was really difficult because he wouldn't reply with long paragraphs but only short messages. We would only talk about how we were and what we did that day and he would never text me first.
I still was really interested in him because he seemed cute and just really shy.
When we went on our first date I was asking the questions and just kept on talking about my life because he wouldn't say much. I went home crying after that date.
I kind of still felt like I was expecting too much and kept on going on more dates with him. I always thought that the ice would break and he would get out of his comfort zone.
He kind of did. He started talking about his work place and university seminars. But whenever he was talking he kept on talking really shyly and quietly as if he was scared of my reply. I asked questions about what he said so that the conversation would keep on going. He never replied straight away but took a long time to form answers in his head before answering. But that was it. After replying to my questions he would shut down and stop talking. So I kept on talking because if I hadn't there wouldn't have been any conversation any longer. So I had to come up with topics to talk about.
Whenever we were texting we would only talk about what happened on that day. When planning on meeting up he never came up with any ideas. I always had to plan the locations and the day to meet up. When he was planning dates he would just ask me "are you coming over to my place?" So I would go there. He was always really insecure and shy. He was questioning his every move and behavior to that point that I was questioning mine so that he wouldn't question himself... When I went over to his place we would sit down on his couch. He was being quiet not saying anything. So I started talking about whatever because I felt awkward about him knowing what to talk about. His replies were only "yeah...?" or "hmm" but wouldn't ask me any follow up questions or inserting his thoughts or own experiences that had something to do with what I was talking about. He told me that he was behaving around his three friends the same way he did with me. That he's just the chill guy. I told him how insecure it made me feel how he was never talking, that we never have anything to talk about, how I have to be the "bossy" one in the relationship having to work out date ideas and topics and how I don't want to be the one working out all plans and topics.
I'm not that extroverted either but I still always know what to talk about and being secure enough to talk about my interests and make decisions.
He told me that he was going on a date before getting to know me and how he still wasn't over her. Turns out they met once...
Whenever we hung out and went on little gathering or did something sportly like bowling, it was due to me deciding on going there. He never came uo with anything. He would tell me in a few sentences what he has been up to the days we hadn't seen each other. Then I would take over the lead and talk my head off about what I had been doing and random stuff because he couldn't open his mouth.
Outside he was really shy and I had to ask for a table at a restaurant because he "liked the partner to take the lead".
He once bought a birthday present for his dad. He was standing at the checkout paying for it. He was asked if wants the cashier to wrap the present. He was standing there not saying anything thinking. He two cashiers were looking at each other because he didn't reply. He then said yes. When leaving the store he told me happily how he didn't actually need them to wrap it because he was going to wrap it anyway.
He told me how he needed me to be more sensual with him. How he wants more body contact, me telling him couple names, more holding hands and that I am not open enough even though I told him everything about my life and I didn't know anything about his because he was never talking.
He said that I never was looking for body contact because of my childhood trauma (I was sexually abused when I was 10 years old) and how I needed therapy.)
He loved listening to songs of the singer Olivia Rodrigo. She's five years younger than us, has brown hair, brown eyes. We watched her live performances and music videos when hanging out at his place. He always said how he loved her outifts. During her last tour she was wearing crop tops and really short shorts and only bralets and just really revealing outfits. I would say how revealing her clothes are and how I could never wear it and feel comfortable. His reply was always how amazing and stunning she looked and was sexualizing her.
What do you think about him?
I broke it up because I couldn't handle him never talking and me having to work out all date ideas.
He now started dating a new girl. Posting her everywhere. He never did that with me.
She has brown hair and brown eyes and they seem soo in love. He started dating her six months after our breakup. But when he was dating me he still wasn't over that blonde girl he dated even though he met up with her ONCE. How is he able to be in a relationship half a year after dating me for two years...

My heart is fucking broken. I just want to take a sedative but I think I will try to feel pain for awhile. Klonopin numbs me so much that sometimes it’s hard to really know what I’m feeling.

Me and my ex were together for just under two years and we were friends for 18 months before that. We both had a few issues from our previous relationships but we were good for each other or so I thought.

Due to the emotional abuse her ex husband had put her through and her eldest son, she kept me separate from her kids so I'd only see her when they were with their dad.

A couple of weeks ago, it felt like she was fading away, messaging less, spending less time together etc, this has happened before and we've always dealt with it. When I spoke to her about this she said she was spreading herself too thin with me, the kids and work. We spoke about moving things forward and me being properly introduced to the kids to help or if I needed to step back. We took a couple of days to think and she decided she couldn't move forward and needed to break up because I wanted to move in and be around the kids and she wasn't ready for that (this wasn't something I'd ever said). She did the break up by text, instead of us having the call we had planned to discuss and decide.

I thought of a few things we could try to save it and felt like the reason wasn't something I had said, so asked if we could talk as I didn't feel it should end on a misunderstanding so wanted to clarify. She said we could meet or talk after she had a few days, on that day I messaged her in the morning just to say "I hope you're not dreading our call as much as I am, whichever way it goes, it'll feel better after because we'd know for certain", she then replied a few hours later saying she couldn't meet and wasn't up to a call. It wasn't a misunderstanding she just doesn't want to continue our relationship. I then messaged back to say ok, I hope we can still be friends.

I asked if I could come get my key and she said she'd post it to me instead. Given how long we've known each other, I was completely blindsided by this, I felt like it should have been done in person so I could give her a hug, make sure she was ok and then leave. It feels wrong to not get to say your goodbyes in person. I've sent a couple of messages since, one saying goodbye and one asking about the key because it took longer than expected to get to me, both of these have been ignored.

Having it end like this makes it feel like I must have really hurt her somehow, I don't know if she just expected me to kick off like her ex would have or if there is more to this that I don't understand. I feel like I've not been given a chance to say what I need to say and that this has been handled really badly, which will slow me moving on and has made it more painful than it should be.

Do I tell my ex of 1 week about my diagnosis?

Need some advice from people who’ve been through something similar.

Context:
I’m 27M and my partner (26F) ended our relationship of two years a week ago. It was her decision after repeated emotional outbursts from me during conflict (roughly every 4 to 8 weeks).

I’ve always taken full accountability for my behaviour. I don’t think an ADHD diagnosis changes that. If anything, the accountability just shifts from “I’m a bad person who doesn’t care enough to change” to “I have a condition that I need to actively manage if I want to be a good partner.”

The difficult part is that it feels like I never really had a chance because I was trying to fix the wrong problem.
I’ve been ashamed of these reactions for as long as I can remember. I started therapy four months ago when everything came to a head and I was making progress, but not enough.

Her reasons for ending things were essentially:
“I can’t get past the hurtful things that have been said. I don’t understand how you can be so loving most of the time, but then hurt me so much during conflict. It makes me feel like you don’t love me enough to change.”
Outside of that, we both genuinely felt the relationship was right for us.

After the breakup, my dad suggested I get assessed for ADHD after he was diagnosed himself a few months ago. He said everything I’d been describing sounded exactly like him.

As I started reading about ADHD, it honestly felt like someone had written my autobiography. Before this, I’d actually pursued personality disorder assessments three separate times because I always felt like something fundamental was wrong with me.

The irony is that I probably never would have sought an ADHD assessment if the relationship hadn’t ended. At the same time, it’s heartbreaking that this may have been the missing piece all along.

The analogy that keeps coming to mind is this:
If our relationship was a car, she kept telling me the tyres needed fixing. I genuinely tried to fix them. But the real problem was that the battery was flat. That car was never going anywhere until the battery was replaced.
For context, she’s very aware of mental health and neurodiversity. She has experience with anxiety and depression herself, her dad is a psychiatric nurse, and one of her close friends is an ADHD/autism advocate.

My question is: Would you tell your ex about the ADHD diagnosis and if so, how?

I’m not looking to use it as an excuse or ask for another chance. Part of me just wants her to know that there really was an explanation for something neither of us could make sense of. But I also don’t know whether telling her would make any difference at all, or whether it would just come across as me trying to rewrite the past.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I see so much of that but literally what does it even mean. What does moving on and finding yourself after a breakup look like? Sure I have new hobbies, new friends and a new job but I still feel the same

I’m 25f he’s 31m

Yeah so very long painful story short I was in a relationship with the man I thought was made for me.

I was happy with him and did not see us ending. He claims he felt the same, in the beginning on the relationship he was not completely over his ex he felt she was the one that got away, he then later assured me up and down she was not and that his feelings changed. We then became official and had a lovely relationship. He said to friends and to myself he felt I was the one too.

In the beginning of April he said he wasn't going anywhere was here for the long term etc etc (2 yrs in atp) and then toward the end of April he had a doubt about if he can see a future w me and him and this same ex began to text as she reached out to him after her own break up. He was texting her, admitted to having the feelings of her being the one that got away return and still dating me fully as if nothing was changing behind the scenes.

All of this came out after he gave me the worst blindside i could imagine just absolutely traumatic break up saying we would get back together and that he needs to focus on therapy and being an avoidant attachment style and all this bullshit. Later it comes out that while that was minimally true it was largely just that he feels he needed to explore things with his ex.

I feel absolutely emotionally cheated on. Disrespected and besides myself.

She was such an insecurity and he reassured me so many times in the beginning and I just. Omg. I have never wanted to be right less but there it is and I was right and I cannot sleep because when I close my eyes I just see them. I see her. I see this life of his that doesn't even seem like totally the same person he was with me. Idk if this is cheating but it feels like it. How the heck do I sleep and calm down?

Yesterday had marked 6 months since the breakup and honestly? Im doing hella better. Ive worked on myself more and more, focused on my studies, my work, hobbies, friends etc. I've meet more people, met new friends. Hell- Ive even connected with some people because we got broken up with around the same time. That being said, I still do think about him from time to time. He used to be in my head at every waking hour, following me around like a shadow. But like a shadow, I live and forget that it exists, i dont pay attention to it as much. It's still there when I look at it from time to time, remembering everything. Its even worse when im around people who do PDA, that shit hits me with memories but now they dont sting as much. Im glad it happened, im happy for the memories and experience. I hope you're well.

So i recently got into a relationship. This is my first so everything seem unfamiliar and overwhelming but I was trying my best.

But 2 months ago I saw a post my Ex bf 21 M made where he asked how should he breakup with me. He has blocked me in reddit before making that post but I still saw that. Where he said he is not made for committed relationship and just wanted casual but I am too serious now what should he do.

After that I talked to a few of my friends. And I decided to end things from my side. After that I blocked him from everywhere and he never tried to reach out. But a few days ago he reached out to my friend my asked about me and one thing lead to another and now we are on talking terms again.

He asked for forgiveness and asked if we could start over again. I asked why he made that post . He said he was not in his right mind and that it was a mistake .

Should I give him a second chance. I am really confused. I really struggled After the breakup. So i am considering to get back together but at the same time the doesn't feel right. What should I do can someone please help me out.

Tl;DR i broke up because my bf made a post on asking who to breakup. Now he is asking for forgiveness should I reconsider.

I know there are many reasons for a breakup but I'm just wondering if you have ever broken up with someone that you love because of other circumstances.

So maybe you had a few issues in the relationship but not enough to break it off. However since you were under a lot of stress outside of the relationship (for whatever reason) you felt the right thing to do was to break up.

I hear quite a few dumpees saying that the dumper said things to that effect. "I have too much going on/my job is stressful etc." But I'm wondering, from an actual dumper, if you have ever broken up with someone for reasons outside of the relationship. So in fact, you love the person but it's just the wrong time.

And would you consider reconnecting with your ex if and when things settle down?

Thanks 🙂

Hey I 19F dated a guy when i was in 15 and he was my classmate it was the puppy kind of first love and we dated for 2-2.5 years and eventually mutually broke up because we both could feel the relationship being toxic and long distance(the breakup was initiated by him) then over time we were on and off for another couple of years and eventually when we both went to separate college and I had a bf for a few months during that time we were absolutely in no contact but as soon as i and my college bf broke up i unblocked him and we started texting again then I iced him out because he was getting attached and wanted to get back . Over the last 6 months i have been in a very terrible dating phase where i had a couple of situationships and got addicted to hinge dating last couple of months i really decided to take my mind off dating and commited to be single for a while I am in my hometown because of year end and so is he and he wants to meet and stuff. He says that he'll keep things highly platonic but I am confused. It's like over the years I should have been detached with this person but in someway i really care about him what should i do should I meet him I am really confused.

Share your experience below guys if you have ever been in such a situation and how did you handle it

UPDATE- i cut off with him completely because i was scared of getting attached again