u/keeves1

She cam back and broke up with me AGAIN and for the same REASON.

I (M30) dated F(31) on and off for a total of 4 months. At the beginning when we dated from January - March we met each other every weekend and did activities like dinner, movie at her place or cinema and out at the bar to have beer. We did get intimate and there was alot of sex.

She love bombed at the 2. date. Kissing and making out for a long time. She were also giving me hot and cold behaviour

She breaks up with me in March saying she does not have romantic feelings and that she is not over her EX THEO.

A little bit of background: F(31) was married for 7 Years with no kids. She was in a toxic marriage with Matthew. Matthew cheated on her. She divorced him in OCT 2024. Shortly after she jumps into another relationship with Theo that lasted through the whole 2025. Theo also cheated and F(31) break up with him. Just 1 month after the breakup she meets me early January. In short: both of her exes cheated, she seems to jump and having not being able to sit alone with herself. She was sexually abused as a kid by her father.

April - May: She decided to go back to EX Theo. Does not work out.

June: She came back. Wanted to try again. We starts dating again

July: She’s on vacation in Turkey. She’s been thinking about me and was sexually frustrated over there. We have conversation about if we are able to make this relationship work. She really wanted to try. She shows interest and takes initiative to meet me after she comes home.

We meet just two times after she comes back from vacation. Great time, great conversations, great company/companion.

Last time I saw her I rejected her sex offer. She says:» she’s wet and wants to take me home» I said: «I’m not that desperate» that’s the breaking point where she lost attraction.

She breaks ups saying she does not have romantic feelings, that’s I’m cautious and not leading, that I’m not direct.

My conclusion and please tell me if I’m wrong:

Sex or no sex. Comment or no comment. She still would break up with me. She was unsure of me. I was the second choice after her EX THEO.

She came back because she felt lonely and had no other options. She’s immature because she jumps from relationships to relationships without having had the time to heal.

I got PLAYED. She used me emotionally. She knew very well were this where going. I met her in a time were she was vulnerable. She used me as a shoulder to cry on, someone she could go to and vent and I would listen, someone that could offer her intimacy and closeness.

And when we first met in January. She was fresh out of break up and thought «this will do for now» and I was «OMG this woman is all over me»

She feels I’m safe and secure. She’s not used to that because she confuses toxic relationships as dominant. Because she is used to that in her previous relationships is natural for her to be drawn towards that.

I have confidence. She used that as an excuse because she does not have anything other to say than «my romantic feelings are more and more gone»

Did I get played?

She cam back and broke up with me AGAIN and for the same REASON.

I (M30) dated F(31) on and off for a total of 4 months. At the beginning when we dated from January - March we met each other every weekend and dod activities like dinner, movie at her place or cinema and out at the bar to have beer. We did get intimate and there was alot of sex.

She love bombed at the 2. date. Kissing and making out for a long time. She were also giving me hot and cold behaviour

She breaks up with me in March saying she does not have **romantic feelings** and that she is not over her EX THEO.

A little bit of **background**: F(31) was **married** for 7 Years with no kids. She was in a **toxic** marriage with Matthew. Matthew **cheated** on her. She **divorced** him in OCT 2024. Shortly after she **jumps** into another relationship with Theo that lasted through the whole 2025. Theo also **cheated** and F(31) break up with him. Just **1 month** after the breakup she meets me early January. **In short**: both of her exes cheated, she seems to jump and having not being able to sit alone with herself. She was sexually abused as a kid by her father.

**April - May**: She decided to go back to EX Theo. Does not work out.

**June**: She came back. Wanted to try again. We starts dating again

**July:** She’s on vacation in Turkey. She’s been thinking about me and was sexually frustrated over there. We have conversation about if we are able to make this relationship work. She really wanted to try. She shows interest and takes initiative to meet me after she comes home.

We meet just **two times** after she comes back from vacation. Great time, great conversations, great company/companion.

Last time I saw her I **rejected** her sex offer. She says:» she’s wet and wants to take me home» I said: «I’m not that desperate» that’s the breaking point where she lost attraction.

She breaks ups saying she does not have **romantic feelings,** that’s I’m cautious and not leading, that I’m not direct.

**My conclusion and please tell me if I’m wrong:**

Sex or no sex. Comment or no comment. She still would break up with me. She was unsure of me. I was the second choice after her EX THEO.

She came back because she felt lonely and had no other options. She’s immature because she jumps from relationships to relationships without having had the time to heal.

I got PLAYED. She used me emotionally. She knew very well were this where going. I met her in a time were she was vulnerable. She used me as a shoulder to cry on, someone she could go to and vent and I would listen, someone that could offer her intimacy and closeness.

And when we first met in January. She was fresh out of break up and thought «this will do for now» and I was «OMG this woman is all over me»

She feels I’m safe and secure. She’s not used to that because she confuses toxic relationships as dominant. Because she is used to that in her previous relationships is natural for her to be drawn towards that.

I have confidence. She used that as an excuse because she does not have anything other to say than «my romantic feelings are more and more gone»

She cam back and broke up with me AGAIN and for the same REASON.

I (M30) dated F(31) on and off for a total of 4 months. At the beginning when we dated from January - March we met each other every weekend and did activities like dinner, movie at her place or cinema and out at the bar to have beer. We did get intimate and there was alot of sex.

She love bombed at the 2. date. Kissing and making out for a long time. She were also giving me hot and cold behaviour

She breaks up with me in March saying she does not have romantic feelings and that she is not over her EX THEO.

A little bit of background: F(31) was married for 7 Years with no kids. She was in a toxic marriage with Matthew. Matthew cheated on her. She divorced him in OCT 2024. Shortly after she jumps into another relationship with Theo that lasted through the whole 2025. Theo also cheated and F(31) break up with him. Just 1 month after the breakup she meets me early January. In short: both of her exes cheated, she seems to jump and having not being able to sit alone with herself. She was sexually abused as a kid by her father.

April - May: She decided to go back to EX Theo. Does not work out.

June: She came back. Wanted to try again. We starts dating again

July: She’s on vacation in Turkey. She’s been thinking about me and was sexually frustrated over there. We have conversation about if we are able to make this relationship work. She really wanted to try. She shows interest and takes initiative to meet me after she comes home.

We meet just two times after she comes back from vacation. Great time, great conversations, great company/companion.

Last time I saw her I rejected her sex offer. She says:» she’s wet and wants to take me home» I said: «I’m not that desperate» that’s the breaking point where she lost attraction.

She breaks ups saying she does not have romantic feelings, that’s I’m cautious and not leading, that I’m not direct.

My conclusion and please tell me if I’m wrong:

Sex or no sex. Comment or no comment. She still would break up with me. She was unsure of me. I was the second choice after her EX THEO.

She came back because she felt lonely and had no other options. She’s immature because she jumps from relationships to relationships without having had the time to heal.

I got PLAYED. She used me emotionally. She knew very well were this where going. I met her in a time were she was vulnerable. She used me as a shoulder to cry on, someone she could go to and vent and I would listen, someone that could offer her intimacy and closeness.

And when we first met in January. She was fresh out of break up and thought «this will do for now» and I was «OMG this woman is all over me»

She feels I’m safe and secure. She’s not used to that because she confuses toxic relationships as dominant. Because she is used to that in her previous relationships is natural for her to be drawn towards that.

I have confidence. She used that as an excuse because she does not have anything other to say than «my romantic feelings are more and more gone»

Hey!

Context: I dated F(31) and I’m M(30). She divorced her EX husband Matthew Oct 2024. Shorty after she jumped in a relationship with Theo that lasted through the whole 2025. She broke up with Theo in December 2025. Both of her previous romantic partners have cheated. Then she meets me just 1 month after the breakup.

We date from January - March:

Very intimate but also sex almost every time we met. We met every weekend. Other activities we did are making food at her place, dinner outside, watching cinema, go out at a bar and watching movies at her place. She breaks up saying she does not have romantic feelings but she is not over her EX. She asked to be friends but I said: «No» and we end it completely there.

April - May:

Nothing. Complete silence.

June:

She comes back saying she missed me and wants to talk. She says she likes me, are attracted, she feels chemistry and lots in common. She went back to her EX but did not work. I was her second choice because she was lonely and had no other option. I tell her let me think about it because first time I got really hurt. I went back because I wanted to give it a second chance.

From there we start talking and chatting. I’ve tried to meet up with her in June be she said she was busy so mostly just calls and text.

July:

She goes on vacation to Turkey. Our dynamic switched and got more intimate. Sexting and intimate pictures.

She comes back and I pick her up from airport. Taking good care of her. After leaving the luggage she takes initiative and ask me if I want to go out and eat dinner. I say yea. We ear and were having good time. After that day ended she takes initiative and asks to meet next day. I say yes and then I pick place and time.

The next day we meet for dinner, watch cinema and beer at a bar. For dinner here is where I fucked up. She says she’s horny and wants to bring me home. I rejected her in a rude way saying: «I’m not that desperate» 🤦🏻‍♂️

One week later she breaks up with me on text. It’s a lot but I can summarize. She’s saying:

• Romantic feelings are not there
• She thinks I’m careful and not dominant. She was the dominant alpha type woman in previous relationships.
• She says she can see this as being a potentially good friendship
• She got to grown to like me as a person
• She thinks I’ve treated her well and are safe and been good to her.

My thought will be posted below:

She was just not that into me. She’s immature because she’s jumping to relationships to relationships. Comment or no comment. Sex or no sex - she would still break up with me. She’s unsure. She broke up with me for the same reason.

She came back because I was her second choice/backup plan. She was lonely and had no other options when getting back to her EX failed. What me and her had was FAKE. She just wanted sex and closeness/intimacy. With another words a FWB.

Healed or no healed her EX husband and EX will always be there in the picture. She USED to be in a toxic relationships and therefore she’s attracted to those because of the familiarity. I could offer her safety and healthy relationships but since she’s used to toxic ones she starts to feel insecure inside of her because she has not felt like that before. Also she seem to want the type of move you see in movies. Unfortunately that is not how it works. It’s the way she thinks and react to.

A very unhealthy dynamic. I cannot see myself in a relationships with her. It would just be toxic. I felt at times I had to fight for dominance.

She used me for sex. Backup plan, as a therapist, a safe space and someone I can lend my ear to and listen

Hey!

Context: I dated F(31) and I’m M(30). She divorced her EX husband Matthew Oct 2024. Shorty after she jumped in a relationship with Theo that lasted through the whole 2025. She broke up with Theo in December 2025. Both of her previous romantic partners have cheated. Then she meets me just 1 month after the breakup.

We date from January - March:

Very intimate but also sex almost every time we met. We met every weekend. Other activities we did are making food at her place, dinner outside, watching cinema, go out at a bar and watching movies at her place. She breaks up saying she does not have romantic feelings but she is not over her EX. She asked to be friends but I said: «No» and we end it completely there.

April - May:

Nothing. Complete silence.

June:

She comes back saying she missed me and wants to talk. She says she likes me, are attracted, she feels chemistry and lots in common. She went back to her EX but did not work. I was her second choice because she was lonely and had no other option. I tell her let me think about it because first time I got really hurt. I went back because I wanted to give it a second chance.

From there we start talking and chatting. I’ve tried to meet up with her in June be she said she was busy so mostly just calls and text.

July:

She goes on vacation to Turkey. Our dynamic switched and got more intimate. Sexting and intimate pictures.

She comes back and I pick her up from airport. Taking good care of her. After leaving the luggage she takes initiative and ask me if I want to go out and eat dinner. I say yea. We ear and were having good time. After that day ended she takes initiative and asks to meet next day. I say yes and then I pick place and time.

The next day we meet for dinner, watch cinema and beer at a bar. For dinner here is where I fucked up. She says she’s horny and wants to bring me home. I rejected her in a rude way saying: «I’m not that desperate» 🤦🏻‍♂️

One week later she breaks up with me on text. It’s a lot but I can summarize. She’s saying:

• Romantic feelings are not there
• She thinks I’m careful and not dominant. She was the dominant alpha type woman in previous relationships.
• She says she can see this as being a potentially good friendship
• She got to grown to like me as a person
• She thinks I’ve treated her well and are safe and been good to her.

My thought will be posted below:

She was just not that into me. She’s immature because she’s jumping to relationships to relationships. Comment or no comment. Sex or no sex - she would still break up with me. She’s unsure. She broke up with me for the same reason.

She came back because I was her second choice/backup plan. She was lonely and had no other options when getting back to her EX failed. What me and her had was FAKE. She just wanted sex and closeness/intimacy. With another words a FWB.

Healed or no healed her EX husband and EX will always be there in the picture. She USED to be in a toxic relationships and therefore she’s attracted to those because of the familiarity. I could offer her safety and healthy relationships but since she’s used to toxic ones she starts to feel insecure inside of her because she has not felt like that before. Also she seem to want the type of move you see in movies. Unfortunately that is not how it works. It’s the way she thinks and react to.

A very unhealthy dynamic. I cannot see myself in a relationships with her. It would just be toxic. I felt at times I had to fight for dominance.

She used me for sex. Backup plan, as a therapist, a safe space and someone I can lend my ear to and listen

It is a long story. Just to give you context:

F(31) was married for 7Years with no kids. Divorced her husband in Oct 2024 because he cheated. Her husband was also her friend (Matthew false name) Shortly after she went into another relationship that lasted through 2025 (Theo false name) She then met me January 2026.

We dated until March. She broke up with me because her romantic feelings did not develop. She were also not over her EX Theo. During our time from January - March she were giving me hot and cold behaviour, taking very long time to respond back. I was being ghosted esentially and she only reached out when it was convenient for her. We did have almost sex every weekend.

Then there is that period when we were friends after breakup but that was shortlived as I was having boundaries and told her NO. She respected it. We did not have any more contact after that.

Now we are in June: she reaches out saying: «she misses me» and wants to meet me to talk. I agreed and we meet each other. She aske me if I’m available. I say: Yes but was on a date couple of weeks ago. She says the same. She proceeds to say that she’s attracted, feels the chemistry, lots in common interest and that she likes me. Then she ask if I want to come back. I tell her that I need to think about it because the first time I got really hurt.

I decided to give it a go. We start to talk and chat from June to July. She orders plane ticket to Turkey. This is where we starts to get more intimate. Sexting, flirting and intimate pictures.

We only met each other two times when she came back from Turkey.

First day: I pick her up from airport. I had food, drinks and painkillers ready as she were complaining. Even carried her luggage and purse. Really took care of her. We went out to eat dinner afterwards. Cozy and casual dinner. She then ask to meet me next day.

Next day: we meet at dinner. I picked place and time. We flirt and get intimate. She says: «She’s horny and she wants to take me home we have time» I then reject her: «I’m not that desperate» comment. I know it’s really rude. I did apologize later.

One weeks later she breaks up with me saying her romantic feelings did not develop, that she’s happy we tried again. That she sees this a good friendship and she has got to like me as a person. She also mentioned that I’m careful and she’s direct, therefore our romantic side is not compatible.

My thoughts is that: she would have broken up with me regardsless if we had sex or if I made the comment. She was just NOT that interested in me. The «spark» was not there and it has to happend naturally.

First part where I talk about my situation - This is a long read but I can try to write this in shorter version. Still in the process to move on from her.

F (31) married for 7 years without kids. Divorced September 2024, but in Norway you got to apply in order for it to be official. Sept 2025 she were official divorced. She was in a relationship that lasted 6months after her ex husband. Her ex Victor (false name) broke up with her on December 2025 before she met me this January 2026. I don’t think I was rebound since me and F(31) dated for 3 months

We agreed to talk and see where it leads us. It quickly developed into her wanting to date me exclusively. We kept going for about 3 months. After valentines day she told me she was not ready for relationship but agreed to continue to see.

1 month later she decided to call it quits as she said she does not have energy left to date and needs to focus on herself so she don’t want me to «wait»

She reached to me about 2 weeks ago after she ended it. She wanted to hear how I was doing. We kept it short and light but flirted. Couple of days later she asked if I wanted to come online to play game. I said yes and we flirted, she said I was her «boo-thang» but she also told me about her ex Victor cheating on her while they were together for 6 months.

I sent a text saying I need distance because I cannot do this anymore. She understood and respected it.

Last weekend she reached out saying that she feels very bad for how she treated me and want to give me an explanation. Seems like was thinking alot about her ex Victor without her knowing which have created our dynamics to be weird. She said she needed to figure things out and that she wanted me to know that everytime we were together she has a great time

She was very open to tell me lots about herself and her feelings but her trauma was very prominent. She was sexually abused as a child and she was in toxic marriage.

Our dynamic got weird over time:

•She insisted to show me text messages when her ex husband try to come back

• She took 1/2 days to reply on snapchat. If we’re dating exclusively then I need daily contact

• Talks about her ex husband early on

• She calling me «weird» because she thought of her father

• She being more dominant in conversation leaving me almost no space.

For me my thoughts are that she is damaged but past relationships and needs to heal. She seems to have used me as an therapist later on after she ended things romantically. Looking back she wanted casual but I did not. Besides from having same interest, we were not compatible.

Two questions come to my mind:

1. Did I lost her?
2. What made her not interested?

I think no. Fair she gave me a chance but she were not emotionally available. She just wants closeness because she cannot sit with herself. The intimacy was there but not the emotional part

Lately I’m feeling a sort of competition on who is the more dominant in conversation/small talk. I’ve experienced this lately and I’m having a hard time speaking my mind now than compared to before.. maybe it’s a me thing idk? We live in a world were our attention span is getting shorter as well as people getting overwhelmed by how many distractions we have now compared to before..

I’m not sure why this happends.. or I may already have the answer but still posting it to engage and read other people’s perspective. It can depend on the person you’re talking to that’s for sure but my take on this is that we have to adapt to the person we’re talking to - should go both ways. If one person are ALWAYS more dominant and interrupting then that problem would solely be on them controlling the conversation to lead to a monologue instead of dialogue.

Let’s say if they are stubborn and can’t stop.. then someone needs to be the bigger person but how long can that person be the bigger person and change he’s communication style for him/her? It would come down to communication style.

Not saying it’s wrong to be more dominant. Some people are eager to speak their minds, some say few words here and there and switch topic to see if they can get to know other person’s interest, some just keep on speaking because they know the other person’s has vanished in mid convo and are just in background but again maybe he/she can’t stand silence then? Many possibilities to why people are dominant it seems

Update:

After last time, alot has changed. Two weeks ago she reached out to me on snapchat after she ended it. It has been 1 month of no contact before she broke it. I asked how she were doing and she asked me the same. We kept it light - she said she was out climbing, i flirted and said I liked the view. Seems that she took this positively and flirted back.

Couple of days later she asked if I wanted to come online and play some games. I said yes - kept it casual and flirted. This time she called me her «boo-thang»

It was weird that we flirted after she ended it with me romantically. I sent her a text last weekend - in short saying that I need to take distance because this dynamic is weird. Saying that it’s not her fault etc.. she acknowledge and said she’s sorry for hurting me. I did that to put boundaries and have selv respect.

Seems like she does not know what she wants.

And here we are now. She sent me alot of text but essentially she saying she was emotionally affected by her ex than she herself understood so the dynamic between me and her was at times complicated and weird. She saying sorry that it has been affecting me, that it was not her intention. She said she had to figure things out on her own which was the reason she ended it romantically and she saying that she feels like we are having good time with each other.

Thanks for taking your time to read, I appreciate it!

last week she reached out to me. Was the typical catch up like how are you doing etc…

Then couple days later she asked me if I wanted to come online and game with her. She were telling me about drama she’s going through. That she recently found out that her ex bf (not her ex husband but ex bf that came after) cheated on her with another woman while they were together.

I also found out that he broke up with her in December and I met her in January this year. The fact that she jumped right in a relationship after divorce tells me that she have not processed all of this. I don’t think I’m a rebound because we were intimate and dated for 3 months. I still felt used as a therapist for her listening to that.

We did flirt and she said I was her: «Boo - thang» whole situation just weird. We did not have any contact for 1 months and then she’s flirty and friendly.

I’ve decided to send her a text two days ago. I basically said that this type of contact is not good for me because I’m being emotionally pulled back in, in a way that it’s not good for me. That I need to keep distance for now. It was a hard pill to swallow for me to send her that text.

She replied with: I understand. That was unfortunate. I’m sorry that I hurted you. This was not my intention.

And yesterday she sent me a snap. I have not opened it but I don’t care anymore.

Some of my thoughts through all of this: Besides from being incompatible, the outcome would be the same if I let’s say were more masculine or whatnot. She knew from very beginning what she were doing. I don’t think it was matter of «she was not into me enough» we were incompatible in that sense that we were not in the same page. Yes she did gave it s shot and we dated for 3 months. It could be more that she lost interest because she does not know what she is looking after. Here she met a good guy and just threw that away because she wants ro date casually and fuck around. Typical avoidant personality that. In hindsight her asking if she could «spare me» is that she wants to come back to me in case she could not find another man. I’m not someone’s second choice. She has to choose me or not.

She have moved on and found a guy but now there is two so what I think is that she just enjoys having men around for company and be intimate without putting labels.

Dating exclusively

I M(30) was dating F(31) Exclusively for three months. She was the one who brought it up and I agreed. The times we both hung out with each other was fun and I think she is the right person but wrong timing.

We did have lots of sex and for me (M30) I would get attached. After all I got feelings for her in the end while she could not because she was a closed door because of her trauma.

we called and talked about «us» after valentines. She told me she does not have feeling for me and are not ready for a relationship. Her reason being trauma. Childhood trauma from her father as she was sexually abused and she had trauma from the divorce.

F(31) divorced her husband september 2024 but in Norway you need to wait atleast 1 year to get it confirm. September 2025 she was officially divorced but her husband moved out early 2025.

Right before easter she decided to call it quits by writing: «Hey! I don’t have much energy left to date nowadays as life is really challenging me. I’m visiting a pshyciatrist to help me work through my trauma. I don’t want you to «wait» so I think it’s best that it will be this way but I want to be friends with you if that’s okay?

I accepted that and we are friends for now. We have been in contact but only on socials. Meaning she is liking my pictures and commenting on IG. I think she is doing that to keep things light.

Furthermore, she has found a new guy. She is dating a new person which I found out on her IG. That makes me believe that all the Trauma talk was BS. Still trying to process everything but it’s difficult to move on from being heartbroken by this.