u/Dandoman1

Hi, for a bit about myself, im a 25 year old ex army infantry guy who works night shifts at a group home for older people with schizophrenia. And my girlfriend is a booth manager at our local grocery store.

I was relaxing with her tonight watching TV enjoying dinner together and having an overall good night together, she suddenly went to the bathroom then came back and layed on the floor on her side of the bed, I gave her a bit cause I figured it might be giving her relief for pain in a sort of way but after a bit of time she got up, and told me "you are the most useless man i have ever met" and the left the room. Naturally I was heartbroken confused and in a deeper rut then I typically am, I took a bit to process what was said and why and came to the conclusion she must have indirectly wanted me to do something on the floor. I left the room and went to my game room and watched music videos and drank beer as a coping mechanism to help process the words that were just said to me, an hour passes and I hear the bedroom door slam as she walks in, I pay it no mind and continue speaking with friends over text and asking for advice as this isn't new behavior but its the worst its ever been.

She explained how completing chores in the past makes her feel good and appreciated while when they go uncompleted it makes her feel unappreciated and unheard as she asks for me to complete them, which I would say 3 out of 5 times I do as I have my own mentle hurdles that inhibit my ability to build up the effort to complete the tasks at hand, commonly ill feel tense when she's home and a sense of relief when she leaves but it feels wrong to feel that way, I love her so much and I know she loves me just as much as well yet the relationship feels strained and wounded after a year of this cycle with tonight's comment being the rudest most meanest thing she has ever told me besides the time a few months ago she had contemplated leaving.

I want to improve and i want to get better but I feel constantly belittled and torn down by both her comments and rude behavior when she's home from work as well as my own trauma and depression.

How do I bring this up to her in a mature way that really understands both out povs?

update 1: for context, i am well aware these tasks are smaller and are a part of being an adult, I also understand that not doing these tasks can hurt another's feelings, I should've provided context for this a bit more in depth.

we HAVE talked in the past before about how she feels about the topic and how it makes her feel, we have talked about how I should be trying to do better with these things. I work 12 hour night shifts
and go to school full time for context, yes I expect myself able to complete these tasks, but I have terrible memory and get stuck Ina tunnel vision of completing a task 1 at a time typically school or prepping for school takes presidence, I also can get distracted pretty easily but once I notice im distracted ill ussually get out of that cycle and go back to the tasks at hand, ussually by gaming.

My issue stems from being reminded of each small failure I've ever done in the relationship, like my terrible spending habits as well as my personal debt (I've gotten much better at this due to picking up extra shifts and recieving gi housing as well as laying ojt a budget with her) when im reminded that I've failed here and there sure I dont beat myself up over the small thing, but it builds up and builds up and then eventually im so bogged down getting up and switching the laundry I started is a monumental task that isn't simply "well you're an adult you should be fine doing these tasks" yes I get that and thats what bothers me.

I will be talking with her after she gets home from work, right now she's asleep and has work at 4am, and no I dont drink often, I ussually drink to try and fall asleep or process my feelings.