[QCRIT] ESCAPING ARUNA, YA Fantasy, 99K - First Attempt
Query:
Dear _____:
Due to your interest in [include MSWL request that relates], I am seeking representation for my debut young adult fantasy novel, ESCAPING ARUNA, complete at 99,000 words. Blending the forced proximity and concealed magic of Shelby Mahurin's Serpent & Dove with the hidden identity and romance of Lynette Noni’s The Prison Healer, ESCAPING ARUNA is a standalone novel with series potential.
When a noblewoman's magic marks her for execution, she infiltrates a naval academy under a false identity to escape those hunting her—only to fall for the one man who has more secrets than she does.
Eighteen-year-old Lady Valentina has her whole life planned: become an emissary and travel the mainland on behalf of her sister, a mage bound to the Isle of Aruna. But when Valentina's own powers violently emerge, she knows her emissary dreams are over. On Aruna, being a mage is a prison sentence. But her powers surfaced years too late. Now, she appears to have hidden her magic, an offense punishable by death. With the help of her older brother, Valentina evades her ruthless hunters. Her only hope is a desperate plan to hide herself among the cadets at Linpar Naval Academy until she can flee to the mainland. Just one problem: her handsome roommate, Zave, is more than a little suspicious. After getting caught in a brawl during her first week, Valentina quickly realizes that to survive Linpar's brutality, she'll need to make allies, even if getting close to the other cadets risks them discovering her true identity—and her secret magic.
Like Valentina, I'm the youngest girl in a large family. I currently write and edit nonfiction curriculum while pursuing traditional publication in the fiction arena. When I'm not writing, I enjoy reading, music, and spending time with my husband and infant son.
Thank you for your time and consideration. [Mention other works represented that I’ve read or some other commonality.] I’ve included the first ten pages with my query; the full manuscript is available upon request. This is a multiple submission.
Sincerely,
Opening 300 Words:
I’ve never seen someone beg before—not on their knees, not like this.
Two screaming brown eyes stare up at me, a middle-aged man trapped within them. He stretches a clammy hand out to grasp mine, the word “please” on his lips. I scramble for recognition, but nothing about the man is familiar. Although my recall is questionable at the moment; I wasn’t supposed to be seen.
The sun beats down on my parasol and the market feels abrasive—even as the crowd parts around us. When I make eye contact with the nearest vendor, the old woman spins away. Not even my apparent wealth entices her to approach. All the vendors are nervous today, and this display isn’t helping. So, when the man presses his face into the length of my gauzy chiton, no one else notices. No one except the mages.
A half-dozen are headed our way.
“My lady, please.” Trembling now, the man lowers his voice to add, “I know your sister.”
“You there!” one of the red-robed mages shouts. “Apprehend that man.”
She isn’t talking to me. Dressed in the finery of my station, I’m intentionally invisible—just another noblewoman perusing wares. No, she’s talking to my cousin, the soldier carrying confidence like a weapon. At my side, Soren reaches for his hilt. He has never taken my protection lightly and today we’re both easily startled. I should have seen that punch coming.
“You’re from House Gaius,” the kneeling man says. “I beg of you—”
I look down at him and barely remember my own mother tongue. It’s the only language I speak yet not a single word he’s saying makes sense. Why would my family be able to help him? I don’t even know why the mages are chasing him.