AITAH [F19] for telling my BF [M22] not to spend the $40K his dad is giving him as a birthday present all on a car?
I am Nigerian-Canadian, my boyfriend is European and his parents are wealthy real estate investors. Apparently, they have a bunch of extravagant purchases like fancy watches, multiple new Bentleys, designer clothes, etc.
They used to have a house but it was foreclosed on and they’ve been renting an apartment ever since.
My family, on the other hand, while upper middle class, has always relied on salaries. My parents are modest about their wealth and still have a mortgage and normal lives. My dad is retired and only now started a business with his retirement savings, so I’ve always been reminded of the value of owning property. My mom’s stepmother took control of her family house when her father passed, leaving her and her siblings with nothing to inherit and over time they became poorer than they grew
up, so I am very adamant on owning property if you’re able.
My BF is a new grad and has a job making under $60K a year, but believes he can have $40K in savings in the next 2 years for us to buy a house when I graduate college. I told him this is unrealistic because salary people have capped earning potentials.
We got into an argument last week because I didn’t think it was a good idea to spend all of us birthday money on a flashy two-seater, when he could get a cheaper but still new car, put SOME of it into a high yield savings account instead, build his credit, and buy a property next year to rent out to students to pay off the mortgage.
He basically said I don’t know his dad, and if he tells his dad (who is a narcissist) that his plan is to invest some of the money, his dad will get angry and give him nothing.
I told him that may be true but he should at least ask and suggest the idea, and if his dad doesn’t approve then at least he tried his hardest to secure his future.
He told me that he wants me to approve of whatever decision he makes and I got angry and told him to “shut up,” because he was just going to do what he wanted in the end anyway, without even thinking about his future, and be reckless with money like his dad.
I told him it wasn’t about me and even if we broke up tomorrow I would still want him to invest the money because of what I know about my mom’s family’s situation (growing up rich, ending up with poor kids) not because I want us to have a house when I graduate.
I apologized and we made up. I told him I understand how volatile his dad (allegedly) is and that I’ll support whatever decision he makes.
Today, he went to the dealership to buy the flashy car but told me he was having second thoughts all day. He called me seeking my approval and I told him I can’t make such a big decision for him. He said he feels like I’ll be disappointed in him if he buys the car, and that’s pretty much where the conversation ended. He went home without buying it.
AITA for imposing my opinion so heavily on him?
TL;DR: I argued with my BF and told him to shut up over this decision. We made up but I still feel guilty.